Prosy tagged me yesterday and I kind of hate those things, but she's super cool and awesome so I'm going to go ahead and do it. Also, apologies to my super sweet bloggy friend Tracey because I'm pretty sure she tagged me once on this one before and I totally forgot to do it. So I'm doing it for both of you girls today. That's what she said.
I can't remember what I'm being tagged to do now....I should probably go over to Prosy's blog and double check before I do something stupid here. Meh, too lazy. Maybe I'll make up my own.....like listing 10 things you hate about America. Hmmmm...I don't know. That seems a bit unpatriotic. And I'm all about being proud of my country. I'm pretty much the Lee Greenwood of pre-cougars with all my proudness over here. I mean, I drove to work in a lame Ford Taurus today. How much more American can you get than that?
Holy crap, I think I just invented the term pre-cougar. What? You've never heard it before right? That means I invented it so shut up. I am too young to be a full-on cougar but yet too old to date 21 year old men....so I am a pre-cougar. Not that I ever would date a 21 year old man, because there is one renting a room in my house right this very minute and he reminds me daily how gross and assholey they are at that age. Plus I'm married....which is also important but does not negate my pre-cougar status. Just to clarify. Rawr.
Okay I just re-read Prosy's post and turns out I just have to list 10 things about myself, which is kind of anti-climactic if you were waiting to see the top 10 un-American statements I was about to make. But you would have been disappointed anyway, because I don't have 10 things I hate about American since I love my country and it's purple mountains majesty and fruited plains and stars and stripes forever, amen.
Now on to my list!
1. I am a terrible cook but a great baker. I make the best chocolate chip cookies on the planet and I will send you some if you ask nicely.
2. Remember when I said I would send you cookies? Yeah, I totally lied. Sorry, I do that sometimes.
3. When I first moved to Texas, I decided I was going to be landscape designer. Even though I hate bugs and physical labor and sweating and heat. I didn't think that one through enough, clearly.
4. I love to watch Lifetime movies, especially if they are based on a romance novel. I dvr them and then on Sundays I will cover up with a blanket, eat popcorn and watch them on the couch. Sorry Captain Carl.
5. I don't like to watch movies that I know are going to make me cry or worry. Nothing with animals or children being abused or dying. I want comedy or big explosions or robots or outer space. I do love true crime TV shows, especially if they involve murder. Bonus points if it's about a serial killer. What can I say? I'm an enigma, wrapped up in a puzzle, inside of a riddle.
6. When I was three years old, I called vaginas "tinkers". That's about all there is to say about that.
7. I should probably be on anti-anxiety medication. I know everyone worries, but I've pretty much made it a full-time occupation. I have trouble sleeping because I can't stop thinking about losing my parents or my job or my house or etc etc etc. I am like the Michael Phelps of worry. I don't even know what that means.
8. I'm writing this blog entry in a word document at work and my boss just came up behind me and read the words "vaginas" and "tinkers" out loud. That's the best thing that's happened to me all day.
9. I can't park a car to save my life. I always end up crooked or getting too close to one of the lines or bouncing my tires off the front concrete barrier thing. I failed my first driving test when I was 16 because I couldn't parallel or diagonal park, and I haven't parallel parked since I passed my second driving test the week after that. I find that parking skills are highly overrated. I mean, it's not like parking is as important as, say blowjobs or card shuffling. Both of which I can do quite well, thankyouverymuch.
10. I do two great impressions: The Ladies Man and Edith Bunker.
So there you go....now you know a little more about me and you will probably start calling vaginas "tinkers" from now on. You're welcome.
Oh right, I'm supposed to tag other people....ummmmm, I'm going to pick some of my newer bloggy friends. You know, spread the tag love around a little bit. Solanaceae, erin, Dana's Brain, lana, and Trixie Buxom....you're up. Do it, don't do it, fart in my general direction....whatever you want. The ball's in your court.
hee hee, I said balls.