But I've come up with a really good way to keep myself entertained while looking hard at work and also awake. I check out audio books at the library and listen to them all day. I get to work at 7:30am and by 8:00am I'm wearing my earbuds and listening to a story.
This week I've been listening to a book about a vampire hunter and vampires and werewolves and no it's not Twilight because I'm a grown woman and I don't read teen romance novels and I prefer more mature reading material and also I've already read it like four times.
So on Monday, I bring the cd's and put the first one in and I'm all listening and working and literally five minutes into the story, there's a three-way. For reals. Between a werewolf, a werepanther and a vampire hunter. And there's no warning at all that a big mystical creature/human sex scene is coming up. Nope, not one little hint. One minute the characters are sitting at the kitchen table talking about the werewolf's father dying and I'm all "Hmm, could be an interesting book. Let me just file this paperwork over here..." and then the lady reading the book is all "I lay across the kitchen table and spread my legs. Gary held my hands above my head while Larry ripped my shirt open" and I'm all "Wha????" and the lady is all "Gary pushed his throbbing member against my thigh" and that's when I ripped off my earbuds and looked around frantically to make sure nobody in the office could hear what I just heard.
I knew I had the earbuds on and I knew they were plugged into the computer. But when an unexpected spoken-word orgy breaks out in your cubicle, you get a little paranoid that maybe somehow everyone heard it. So I double checked that the jack thingy was plugged in all the way into the computer and then I started up the cd again and listened without the earbuds to make sure there was no way at all it could be heard by anyone else.
Once I decided it was safe to listen, I backed up the cd and started the chapter over again because hello! Miss Yvonne does not skip a sex scene. Especially a sex scene involving weremen named Gary and Larry. Who the hell names a werewolf Gary, anyway? Shouldn't he be named something like Constantine or Valentino or Dolf? And don't even get me started on Larry.
So there I am at 9:30am, sitting in my cubicle, staring at my computer pretending to be reading an important email....but actually listening to what was turning out to be a pretty hot description of a three-way. I felt dirty and naughty. So naturally I called Captain Carl....
Me: *whispering* Guess what I'm doing?
CC: Filing your TPS report?
Me: I'm listening to a three-way!
CC: Are you working in a brothel now and haven't told me?
Me: No no no...it's a spoken word three-way!
CC: Okay, explain please.
Me: I'm listening to an audio book and...
CC: Nerd alert!
Me: ....and there's a really graphic sex scene and I'm nervous someone is going to catch me listening to it and I'm starting to get turned on!
CC: Oh reaaallly?
Me: Well it's really sexy!
CC: Sooo, wanna meet up for lunch???
Me: OHMYGOD, NOW SHE'S GETTING IT FROM BOTH ENDS!
Old Gay Guy In My Office: Ohhh, you GO girl!
Me: I think I forgot to whisper that last part....
Is it possible to get fired for listening to porn?