Friday, January 29, 2010

Turn On Your Heart Light And Also Your Nipples

Captain Carl: *sneezing*
Me: Bless you.
Captain Carl: *more sneezing*
Me: Wow, your nipples are really poking through your shirt right now.
Captain Carl: Every time I sneeze, they're like wapow!
Me: You could cut glass with those.
Captain Carl: wapow! wapow!

Me: Nice.
Captain Carl: I'm just turning on my heart lights for you, baby.
Me: Okay, Neil Diamond.
Captain Carl: *pinching nipples* ET phone home.
Me: What??.
Captain Carl: Elliot...ouchhhh.
Me: Seriously, you are fucked up.
Captain Carl: *whispering* Heart lights, baby.
at

20 comments:

  1. Logical LibbyJanuary 29, 2010 at 9:02 AM

    They say there's a lid for every pot. Even the fucked up ones.

    At least they weren't your nipples.

    ReplyDelete
  2. KurtJanuary 29, 2010 at 9:50 AM

    You know what's sexier than that?

    That was a trick question. Nothing. That's what's sexier. You need to appreciate the gift that is Captain Carl. He's the Precious Moment© doll of erect nipples.

    ReplyDelete
  3. erinJanuary 29, 2010 at 10:12 AM

    The idea is that they SHOULD have been your nipples. Hot hard nipple action.

    I read way to much porn. Or do I?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Soda and CandyJanuary 29, 2010 at 11:18 AM

    Owwww, cold nipples hurt!

    ReplyDelete
  5. MegsJanuary 29, 2010 at 11:43 AM

    The man knows his way around some romance. You must give him credit for that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. LindsayJanuary 29, 2010 at 11:49 AM

    This blog reminded me of the bloody nipples episode from The Office. Wow.

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousJanuary 29, 2010 at 12:05 PM

    Well who wants to be normal anyway? If a guy can't rejoice in his nipplage, what kind of man is he?

    My nipples are why I never go braless in daylight hours. They're so well behaved all day when they're all comfy inside even the thinnest bra, but the second they're free they're all "WELL HI! HI THERE! YES YOU!" and poking out like little poky beacon things.

    They frighten me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. dianeJanuary 29, 2010 at 12:24 PM

    Wapow? Me thinks the Captain is a fan of Batman. Or maybe just the nipples on Batman's suit.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mrs. BoomsJanuary 29, 2010 at 12:43 PM

    You guys are truly a testament of true love.

    And Neil Diamond's power to touch the world with his songs.

    And he wears those shiny shirts to detract from his WAPOW nipples as well.

    ReplyDelete
  10. EdJanuary 29, 2010 at 1:38 PM

    Yes they are on, BUT can they cut glass? That is the real question that nobody wants answered.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousJanuary 29, 2010 at 7:17 PM

    All that Neil Diamond talk totally turned me off....

    ReplyDelete
  12. Stephanie Meade GreshamJanuary 29, 2010 at 7:29 PM

    are they long enough AND hard enough that you could maybe....you know....safe sex?

    ReplyDelete
  13. justmakingourwayJanuary 29, 2010 at 7:33 PM

    Wapow! is exactly the word I would use to describe nipple erection. It's perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  14. RichardJanuary 29, 2010 at 9:43 PM

    Blimey, that was a lot of man-nipple for one post! :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Tuesday GirlJanuary 30, 2010 at 8:22 AM

    Tune in Tokyo....

    ReplyDelete
  16. TgoetteJanuary 31, 2010 at 2:25 AM

    Great post! Has all the elements for a sure-fire winner: hard nipples, Neil Diamond and wapow wapow! A few more wapows and nipples and you could have a really good film!

    ReplyDelete
  17. rachaelgkingJanuary 31, 2010 at 9:08 AM

    These are the moments.

    No, really... I was being serious. They are.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Green-Eyed MomsterJanuary 31, 2010 at 12:18 PM

    Jugs@@

    ReplyDelete
  19. SarahJanuary 31, 2010 at 7:30 PM

    I picture Captain Carl's nipple heartlights like those annoying pointer lights. If he pointed them directly at your eyes, you'd be all, "OW, fucker! Stop that!" And he'd be all, "OK," but then he'd keep doing it.
    And who could blame him? How awesome would it be to have laser light nipples?
    Very.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I, RodiusJanuary 31, 2010 at 10:26 PM

    You are so not right. And it makes me giggle. Thanks for not-right giggles.

    ReplyDelete