Monday, February 22, 2010

The Scariest Snowman In The History Of Ever

So last week we had a snowstorm and every kid in town spent their day off from school making snowmen and snow forts and snowballs and such. My kid was no different. I really didn't expect him to get that excited about it though because he's 18 years old and nothing excites him. So I was a little surprised when he ran out the front door and started throwing snowballs at my office window.

Then it got quiet. Really really quiet. 15 minutes later, he ran back in and was all "Come meet Steve" and I was all "Ummm, what?" and he was all "Steve the Snowman."

I opened the front door and there stood the scariest fucking snowman I've ever seen.


Behold, Steve.



Now, Steve probably seemed a little scarier than he really was because it was dark outside and the Kiddo positioned him so that he looked like a creepy intruder about to invade either my home or my vagina.



The Kiddo: Creepy, huh?
Me: Totally.
The Kiddo: He's gonna scare the shit out of Renty in the morning.
Me: Omygod yes! Great idea! High five!

I'm a great parent, aren't I?

What?? You're supposed to encourage your children's creativity. That's what I was doing. Encouraging.
at

34 comments:

  1. Mama WheatonFebruary 22, 2010 at 7:14 AM

    Ftom a distance he wasn't that scary but when you got closer - yep that was scary! Cross your legs.

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  2. Moooooog35February 22, 2010 at 7:18 AM

    I can't turn away.

    It's like it's peering into my very soul.

    You know..if I had one.

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  3. The Shitty AstrologerFebruary 22, 2010 at 7:32 AM

    Great. When's the feature film coming...you shopping this one around yet?

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  4. Rita TempletonFebruary 22, 2010 at 7:45 AM

    And you've gotta love the name Steve. It's so ... snowmanly.

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  5. SarahFebruary 22, 2010 at 7:57 AM

    With a bleeding mouth and a poop-smeared waist, he came to eat your souls. (Stevey the Snowman)

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  6. dianeFebruary 22, 2010 at 8:17 AM

    Those weird tombstone shaped things behind him really add to the creepyness. Wait.....wasn't he in a different spot? Lock your doors.

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  7. Logical LibbyFebruary 22, 2010 at 8:22 AM

    Is he supposed to be bleeding?

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  8. miss. chiefFebruary 22, 2010 at 8:46 AM

    aaaah! so creepy!!! I like him though.

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  9. SurfieFebruary 22, 2010 at 9:24 AM

    Wait, is that a tear-drop tattoo under his eye? Better watch your vajayjay AND your back, Ms. Yvonne!

    Can't wait to hear about Renty's reaction. :)

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  10. LindsayFebruary 22, 2010 at 9:33 AM

    Yeah - as the pictures get closer the creepiness increases. And the tombstone looking things in the background make it look like he's a gravedigger snowman... Creep-tastic.

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  11. Carolyn...OnlineFebruary 22, 2010 at 9:49 AM

    I think it's super creepy the way Steve was able to turn the sky yellow.

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  12. KurtFebruary 22, 2010 at 10:20 AM

    I think Steve just winked at me. Creeper. That's your mom's job.

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  13. CassieFebruary 22, 2010 at 10:45 AM

    Really, that is super creepy.

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  14. AnonymousFebruary 22, 2010 at 10:58 AM

    Holy crap. You weren't even kidding. If I saw that at the end of an alley I'd take a fast detour. After I'd squirted all over my pants and whimpered for a while. What he really needs is a big old Grim Reaper scythe...

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  15. UnknownFebruary 22, 2010 at 11:26 AM

    Reminds me a bit of Heath Ledger as The Joker. Thin veneer of fun/cute (clowns and happy snowmen) meets oncoming Mack truck of violent psychosis.

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  16. Soda and CandyFebruary 22, 2010 at 11:32 AM

    Aaaaahhh!!! Stalky the Snowman!

    PS - You're pretty much the best mom ever.

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  17. Sacred YoliFebruary 22, 2010 at 12:06 PM

    I like how you put it out there, that he may have threatened to invade hot box.
    ::shivers:: (literally)

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  18. kate sweetenFebruary 22, 2010 at 12:13 PM

    How does he go from making lovely, sweet, gigant-o-snow hearts in the snow to building terrifying, soul-sucking snow men??

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  19. UnknownFebruary 22, 2010 at 1:45 PM

    Don't turn your back on it. Just a warning.

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  20. Princess StupidheadFebruary 22, 2010 at 2:36 PM

    Can I borrow him after?

    I need Steve to scare the condo board of directors.

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  21. BugginWordFebruary 22, 2010 at 2:46 PM

    Screw souls, I think he's peering into my vagina.

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  22. Amanda @ It's BlogworthyFebruary 22, 2010 at 7:22 PM

    OK, that's terrifying. And almost makes me miss snow. ALMOST.

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  23. VelFebruary 22, 2010 at 7:27 PM

    Steve totally has guts hanging out of his left arm. Is that why he has a stick for an arm? The real deal got ripped off during the last break-in? I say grab the hair dryer and an extension cord now while you've still got time.

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  24. BeckEyeFebruary 22, 2010 at 8:29 PM

    Ew. I hope he's not related to Jack Frost.

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  25. EdFebruary 22, 2010 at 9:57 PM

    The best part is that it looks like he used the snow that the dog had already shit in.


    Now, the only thing missing is to give that snowman some snowballs.

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  26. jerrodFebruary 22, 2010 at 10:24 PM

    maybe the funniest build up in a blog post i've ever experienced.

    oh mama...

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  27. MegsFebruary 22, 2010 at 10:56 PM

    I am afraid to go to sleep. I'm pretty sure Steve is going to eat my soul while I dream.

    Or I'll wake up in the middle of the night and a flash of lightning will reveal Steve standing silently at the end of my bed. Just...watching.

    *shudder*

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  28. M.L.February 22, 2010 at 11:03 PM

    Great. Now I can add "Snowman rapist" to the list of things I'm afraid of.

    ReplyDelete
  29. VicFebruary 23, 2010 at 1:39 AM

    I think he's handsome, in a serial-killer kind of way.

    Edward scissorhand branches!

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  30. teeFebruary 23, 2010 at 12:20 PM

    I think we're all missing the point here. Steve is obviously an user, look at those cess-pool like scars! The real issue is heroine addicts are slowly moving into your neighborhood. Be on guard. Or you know, hope that it rains soon.

    --T

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  31. ChrisFebruary 23, 2010 at 12:55 PM

    Sometimes you almost make me wish I had kids. Almost.

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  32. AlysonFebruary 24, 2010 at 12:35 PM

    Are those gaping holes for eyes and mouth?

    I guarantee you there's a pervert just looking for an opportunity like that snowman.

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  33. PeggyFebruary 24, 2010 at 7:23 PM

    Is Steve, ya know, single??

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  34. HarnaFebruary 26, 2010 at 1:41 AM

    Yes, that definitely is a gangly-fuck snowman. Andy the Jack Russell would growl and bark at it for hours. P.S. my word verification is beers...no joke. Even it knows it's Friday.

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