Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I Can Turn Anything Into A Conversation About Dicks

Captain Carl: Hello?
Me: Hey.
Captain Carl: Yes?
Me: What?
Captain Carl: You called me.
Me: I know I called you. I mean, I dialed the phone. Obviously I know that I called you.
Captain Carl: Did you need something?
Me: Not really.
Captain Carl: *silence*
Me: *yawn*
Captain Carl: So…
Me: Ohmygod, Islands In The Stream just came on Pandora!
Captain Carl: *sigh*
Me: *singing* Islands in the stream. That is what we are. Hmmm hmmm hmm between. How can we be wrong?
Captain Carl: Okay so, I’m gonna go.
Me: Wait! Did you remember to water the trees like I asked this morning?
Captain Carl: Yes. I’m still watering them.
Me: Still? It’s like 2:30 now!
Captain Carl: I know. I’m watering them slowly.
Me: How slowly?
Captain Carl: Slowly. Like I said.
Me: Do you have any idea how water bills work? You can’t run the hose all day.
Captain Carl: Calm down. There’s barely any water coming out.
Me: How much?
Captain Carl: Like just a bit.
Me: How am I supposed to know what a bit means to you?
Captain Carl: Okay, a trickle then. More like a pre-trickle. Not much at all.
Me: A pre-trickle? That is not a unit of measurement I’m familiar with.
Captain Carl: Fine, it’s barely more than what a soaker hose puts out. Jesus.
Me: Wasn’t there a race car driver named Trickle?
Co-worker listening to my conversation: Yes. His name is Dick Trickle.
Me: No way.
Co-worker: Yep, I just googled it.
Me: Heh heh, I made you google Dick Trickle on your work computer.
Other co-worker listening in: Whatever you do, don’t google dicktrickle.com.
Me: OMG, do it!!
Captain Carl: Hello?
Me: Hey babe, quit Dick Trickling my trees. *laughs hysterically* *bangs fist on desk*
Captain Carl: I’m hanging up now.
Me: Okay. Dick Trickle you later!
Captain Carl: Really?
Me: I’ll be Dick Trickling you!
Captain Carl: *mumbling swear words*
Me: You’re like the Dick Trickle of landscape irrigation. I can do this all day, honey.
Captain Carl: I know. Which is why I’m doing this. *click*



He’s totally jealous of my dick joke skills.





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22 comments:

  1. A Kitchen WitchAugust 17, 2011 at 4:35 PM

    Aaaaaand, she's back! Thanks for the afternoon snicker.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownAugust 17, 2011 at 4:43 PM

    oh my. i needed this giggle so much right now :) you're literally and seriously the first person to make me laugh & smile today

    ReplyDelete
  3. BrettheadAugust 17, 2011 at 4:54 PM

    I love meeting people named Dick. It doesn't even matter what their last name is, there are gonna be jokes.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Brandy WilcoxenAugust 17, 2011 at 5:41 PM

    I'm jealous of your dick joke telling abilities.

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownAugust 17, 2011 at 6:06 PM

    I'm still laughing!

    ReplyDelete
  6. UnknownAugust 17, 2011 at 6:06 PM

    I swear I want to slap the sweet tea out of Dick Trickle's mama!! Who marries into the last name Trickle let alone names their kid DICK TRICKLE!?

    ReplyDelete
  7. SarahAugust 17, 2011 at 6:28 PM

    I kind of heart you, like, a lot.

    My husband said a few minutes ago, "I can't find anything to rhyme with labia. Except Arabia."

    ReplyDelete
  8. Rita TempletonAugust 17, 2011 at 7:09 PM

    My husband has an uncle named Dick. Once, I heard someone introduce his son as "Little Dick." But we were at a funeral, so I couldn't laugh. Like, at all.

    Do you know how hard it is not to laugh at something that priceless???

    ReplyDelete
  9. UnknownAugust 17, 2011 at 7:21 PM

    I am all about a trickling dick.

    ReplyDelete
  10. VEGAugust 17, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    No wonder old Dick Trickle became a racing driver. With a name like Dick Trickle he probably had to beat up 500 people a week growing up and with all that testosterone what else is he going to do? Ballet? Hell no.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Logical LibbyAugust 17, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    How do you get anything done at work? I am very glad I don't sit by you. And a little sad.

    ReplyDelete
  12. ChrisAugust 17, 2011 at 11:00 PM

    Awesome. The end.

    ReplyDelete
  13. EdAugust 18, 2011 at 8:23 AM

    Whenever I want to make a dick joke, I just drop my pants.

    Wait, what?

    Seriously, what parent names their kid Dick with a last name like Trickle.
    That's like naming your kid Peter Tracks.
    Or Woody Precum (assuming Precum is an actual last name).

    ReplyDelete
  14. mizzbrizzAugust 18, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    That is so my new potty word of the week! Dick trickle...hehehe!

    ReplyDelete
  15. jbgAugust 18, 2011 at 3:21 PM

    That guy went through life as Dick Trickle, and I got Jennifer?? Life is not fair.

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousAugust 18, 2011 at 6:15 PM

    Damn. I love you.

    ReplyDelete
  17. kyouellAugust 18, 2011 at 7:59 PM

    So here's my question: if you had a nickel for every dick joke you've made...

    So, you start charging for your dick jokes! "PayPal me 5 cents and I'll tell you my latest dick joke!" It's a business winnah!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Cookie Monster in TherapyAugust 19, 2011 at 8:56 AM

    My husband used to work with someone called Dick Stubbles. Yep.

    ReplyDelete
  19. BugginWordAugust 23, 2011 at 8:51 AM

    Pretrickle? Is that the milky-white trickle that comes before the full blown trickle? That shit can still get your trees pregnant, you know.

    ReplyDelete
  20. UnknownAugust 30, 2011 at 1:51 PM

    I stand in amazement of your... dick...skills.

    Dean
    http://leftcoastguy.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. Joanna JenkinsAugust 31, 2011 at 5:43 PM

    You. Are. A. Riot! I'll be laughing about this all day.
    Thanks, xo jj

    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete