French Toast Wishes & Honey Bunches Of Oats Dreams

Today is my birthday. I turned 37 years old. And I am broke. And have a job I don't really like. And there is a man who is currently dating a psychic that is renting one of my bedrooms. Also I'm fat.

Hooray! My life is awesome!

*sings theme from Mary Tyler Moore Show*

*throws hat in the air*

*does armpit fart*

I really am in a good mood today though, despite all that shit I listed up there. You know why? Because it is only 12:30pm and I've already got like 28 happy birthday messages on facebook. Yes! Thank you facebook for validating my birth!

I'm also in a good mood because I planned a surprise birthday party for Captain Carl last Saturday night and I totally pulled it off. And it totally made him all happy faced, so now I can hold that over his head the rest of the year every time he doesn't do what I want.

Captain Carl asked me where I wanted him to take me for my birthday dinner tonight. I told him I didn't want to go out.

Him: Are you sure? I'll take you wherever you want.

Me: Nah, I'd rather just come home from work and be at home in my pj's.

Him: Okay well, what do you want me to cook for you then?

Me: Hmmmm....

Him: Whatever you want.

Me: I want french toast.

Him: French toast?

Me: Yes.

Him: You want french toast for your birthday dinner?

Me: Yes.

Him: Are you being serious?

Me: Yes. Ohmygod I looooovvvveee french toast. So hard.

Him: Okay, french toast it is.

Me: And bacon!

Him: Okay, so breakfast for dinner.

Ohmygod, I love breakfast for dinner, y'all. The only thing I eat when Captain Carl is out of town for work is cereal and peanut butter toast. Case in point, this conversation literally just took place over the phone.

Him: Hey birthday girl.

Me: Hi! It is sooo totally my birthday today.

Him: So I'm on my way to the store to get the stuff for your french toast. Do you need me to pick up anything for the rest of the week since I will be out of town?

Me: Oh yeah, hmmm let me think...

Him: What do you want to cook while I'm gone?

Me: Just get me some cereal and milk.

Him: *brief silence* What?

Me: That's all I eat when you are gone.

Him: Are you a college student or something?

Me: I can't cook, I love breakfast for dinner. Done deal.

Him: Okay, what kind of cereal?

Me: Honey Bunches of Oats.

Him: At least you didn't say Fruit Loops or Cookie Crisp.

Me: Oooh, Cookie Crisp!

Him: You are a college student.

Me: Your mom's a college student. So the girls at work took me out for a birthday lunch.

Him: That's nice.

Me: Yeah. I was a little worried that you were going to show up while I was gone to surprise me for lunch.

Him: I thought about it but wasn't sure what your plans were.

Me: And then I thought you'd probably just send me surprise flowers instead. Right??

Him: I was going to, but then I didn't because I knew you'd understand.

Me: Understand what?

Him: That I'm not gonna.

I'm trying really hard to be mad at him, but I keep thinking about that french toast he's making later and I just can't do it.

My birthday portrait. Only my bangs and glasses wanted to be in it.