We went to my sister's on Sunday and the Kiddo drove. I cowered in the backseat whimpering and randomly shouting out things that seemed helpful in my brain but came out sounding more like "Gah!" and "Ooooh watch out!" and "That's too close!". This is why I never get to ride in the front when the Kiddo drives.
So there we are, traveling down the highway.
Me: Okay Kiddo, you are getting just a tad bit too close to that car in front of you.
Captain Carl: He's fine, be quiet.
Me: I'm trying to help him because his father is obviously not paying attention.
Captain Carl: I know exactly what he's doing, I'm watching him.
Me: That's weird, because I could swear you were looking out the side window just now.
Captain Carl: I'm not going to stare at him for the whole hour drive over.
Me: That is exactly what you should be doing!
Captain Carl: Pipe down back there.
Me: Don't tell me what to do, you're not the boss of me.
Captain Carl: Uh, I am the boss of you as a matter of fact. You even said so in our vows.
Me: Did not.
Captain Carl: Did so.
Me: Did not infinity.
Captain Carl: You said you would obey me.
Me: Your mom can obey me.
Captain Carl: *sigh*
Me: That's right! You've got nothin'!
Captain Carl: Settle down there, Edith.
Me: Kiddo, you are 7 miles over the speed limit! Slow down!
Captain Carl: That's it...you're getting the pimp fist.
The Kiddo: Would you guys shut up already?
We're just your average all-American family, aren't we?
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17 comments:
If you mix up the letters, Pimp fist is Fimp Pist!
Sorry, I'm not myself today. Driving with my kiddo is so hard that I only do it once in a while. It's very ironic that hubby and I quit drinking and now we have a designated driver.
FML!
Hugs!!
I meant:
Jugs!!
W.V. Mankin
Just sayin'
Hysterical.
I, too, got demoted from the "driver instructor" position with my first boychild. I was so calm... then... "Brake..." "BRAKE!!!" "BRAAAAAAAAAAKE @!@%$£$&*£(&$£$*&!!£(&!!"
For the record, you are totally right, and Captain Carl is, well, (may I say it?), not paying proper attention. You get the expateek Seal of Approval.
There's a very good reason that my dad and I didn't do a lot of driving together when I was first able to drive mainly because when we rode around together, I ended up nearly driving off of the road because we were too busy screaming and swearing at one another to actually get any driving done. After one driving attempt, we didn't speak for days because I was an "irrisponsible twit" and he was being a "dickwad". Mom wouldn't let us ride together after that.
My mom'll give you the pimp fist.
Word verification: chwad!
Your mom's a chwad!
My kids are all good drivers, they paid for their own cars. Tadahhhh!
(I just wanted to say tadahhh, I can't explain it) xo
i thought my mom was bad when i was learning to drive, all 'brakes are not for slamming at the last minute when you're three feet away from the car in front of you...'
i think you should evict the captain and take over the front seat though, you'll have a better view :)
ps. nice paint skills!
The arrow marked "bald spot" made me laugh REAL HARD!
Neither of my parents would drive with me when I got my permit, so I had six months to get rusty before I got the actual license... Then they STILL wouldn't drive with me, so I pretty much just white knuckled it everywhere, alone, but cussing at myself for both of them.
I am trying so hard not to make a fisting joke.
*bites tongue*.
You know, if you break your son's fingers "accidentally", he won't be able to drive for a while. I'm just saying...
You totally deserved the pimp fist. But I don't want any harm to befall you so in my version, you tucked and rolled out of the door just before he got to you. Like "The Fall Guy" would've.
As the worst driver in the history of the world, I can tell you that this is exactly how my relatives drive with me. Being protective is your job!
lindsay || newyorkwords.net
Ok, first of all, the pimp fist scared me!! I clicked on the picture and it got all big and in my face! But then I noticed The Captain has a mini thumb nail. He's chewing them, isn't he? He'd prob be too busy munchin on his finger nails to actually use that pimp fist.
I also love how you labeled his bald spot. baaaaaaaahahahahaha.
Blogs are nothing, without a Mister being made fun of. For serious.
First of all, you're sitting in the back!? Don't you know all the cool kids ride shotgun?
I wonder all the time if my kids are going to be the most adversarial, sarcastic kids in the world after spending their lives with me and jeremiah. We sound just like you the Capt. and we're constantly 'joke fighting' or picking on each other. So far they think it's hilarious...we'll see how it goes in the future.
I smacked my dad in the back of the head the other day because he was driving with his knees again and I didn't want to die. He gave me the death stare but started using his hands again.
I dread the day. I will be the worst back-seat driver - even if in the front seat. My poor kids.
Ahhh, the infamous pimp fist.
ummm, can you adopt me? i know 30 is a little old.... but i LOVE cleaning the bathtub! there is nothing like a mom who can make fun of her kid..and believe me..i could give you a lot of material...
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