Then I got over myself and flew home to Minnesota to spend a few weeks with my parents. I had just recently told them that I met the Captain online, and my Mom was not ready to stop freaking out over the fact that her youngest daughter could very likely be dating a serial killer...this was back in the year 2000, when internet dating was still kind of a dirty little secret among desperate singles. Is it still? I don't know, I'm out of touch due to all my time being used to wash my husband's dirty underwear. Ahh, wedded bliss.
Anyway, so I'm back home and hanging with my folks when my Mom gets a call from Jerry at Flowers by Jerry (yes, he is) telling her he's got a delivery for Miss Yvonne and he'll be right ooooverrrr! Small towns are like that...the florist delivers your bouquets himself, the bank manager covers your overdrafts because your family have been customers forever and the post office calls you when a big package comes in for you. (that's what she said)
So here comes Gay Jerry with a giant bouquet of flowers from Captain Carl with a card that says something like "I love you and your smokin' hot boobies" and my Mom was all "I didn't know serial killers sent flowers" and I was all "They totally do, Mom".
A few days later, the Captain flew our way for the Minnesota portion of his trip. After he left, I kept finding little love notes that he had left in my things. I found a few in my suitcase, in my makeup bag and in my magazines and books. They all said things like "I miss you" and "You're the best" and "You totally owe me a blowjob". You know, sweet shit like that.
So I ended up marrying the guy and he totally cried at our wedding because he was so happy and also because he was relieved our year long engagement was finally over and so was the month long stop I had put on the sexual relations in order to make sure we would have totally hot honeymoon sex. And after 6 years of marriage, he still sends me flowers at work and still tells me he loves me every day and he even sometimes remembers to make the bed. But the love notes have pretty much stopped.
That's why I was so excited when I stumbled into the bathroom this morning and noticed there was a note on the vanity. A love note! From my adoring husband! Ohmyohmyohmy!
So I grabbed my glasses to read it...
I don't care what anyone says...that's love, right there.
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20 comments:
That Captain Carl is quite the charmer. I think internet honeys are the best.
That is an awesome love note. Mine are usually things like, "Flip the laundry before you go to bed, okay?"
Nice work, Captain!
I know you too all too well. I'm not falling for that!
His note meant that he wanted to show you his big snake before you left, huh?
Awwww, You guys really know how to spice things up!
Jugs@@
s/b you two....
Ugh!
Awwww! What a wonderful guy!!! I made Hubby go a month without sex before our wedding too. THAT is true love, it is!!!
I agree with Peach Tart - Internet honeys are the best.
I also think Green Eyed was on to something - I think he uses 'snake' as a pet name.
*Screams*
My comment just flew out the window because I just saw that you had THIRTY-ONE comments on the penis straws. Who knew they would be so popular?
Maybe he just wants to get a little video footage of you battling the snake?
He really is a sweet guy, isn't he? Even if he DID mean a different kind of snake.
Ahhh, how sweet is that! Serial Killers do have a soft spot, huh?
Sweet note and the picture depicted too sounds great.Thanks sharing.
Cheers!!
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That's pretty much the most romantic note ever. He shoulda added a "*wink*" though so you couldn't be sure if he meant the reptile or not. Love is mysterious.
Aaaaaaaawe:D
"They totally do, Mom". Bwahahahahaha!
I was all ready to start the water works at the sweetness that was pouring out. And then I got to the end and just laughed.
But you're right. That IS love.
Ha! My man-candy and I have just challenged each other to make it to the wedding without sex. This is why we shouldn't start trash talking about our ability to resist one another while drinking heavily on a Thursday night. Bets are made...bets that involve me getting a Victoria's Secret shopping spree if I hold out. I can do it!! Only three weeks to go...
I used to get notes from the man as well... not so much anymore.... Oh and as for the snake...... well there just aren't any words....
"I didn't know that serial killers sent flowers" and I was all "They totally do, mom". I really love you Yvonne! How could Captn. Carl resist leaving you notes? I hardly know you, and I want to tell you that I love you all of the time. : )
(nice drawing on the note paper)
I read Peach Tart's comment as "Internet honkeys are the best," and I was like, great, another Internet phrase I'm not "down with" yet. And what about the real life honkeys? Or the Internet non-honkeys? If I were an Internet non-honkey I'd have hurt feelings for sure right about now.
But that's a nice note. Very manly takey care of his womany. That's hot. You got yourself a big strong honkey there.
I am so jealous. I just got called a mirror hog this morning.
That is sweet! My Knight in Shining Armor (or his underwear)kills spiders for me, and completely disposes of the bodies so they won't come back to life and stalk me for puttin' out the hit on them. That's love and I will trade it for flowers any day!
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