Monday, July 4, 2011

Patriotism Fail. Now Updated With More Possum.

We didn't see any fireworks this weekend.

I know.

I feel pretty bad about it. When the kids were young, we used to take them every 4th of July. We brought a cooler and lawn chairs and junk food and we sat in the back of our pick up truck to watch.

And before I moved to Texas, it was watching fireworks on my parent's boat on the lake. Every summer since I was 16.

But this year? Nothing. As I type this, I can hear fireworks popping outside. And not just from the trailer park across the street. It's a big show going on somewhere. I can even see them from our backyard, just over the tops of the trees. Close enough for us to get to and be all American and shit.

But instead of doing that, we are sitting inside watching Hoarders and Pawn Stars.

Patriotism fail.

It's just so blasted hot outside, y'all. No, not hot. SWELTERING. I mean, it was 101 degrees right before the sun went down. It's a mind melting inferno here.

Fuck, I hate summer in Texas.

I hope Lady Liberty can forgive me for not sitting outside, sweating in the dark and asking Captain Carl how anyone can possibly like living here because ohmygodseriouslythisisridiculous.

Holy shit. I just realized I have only had one drink all weekend. ONE DRINK. That's a crime, right there. I'm gonna get deported out of this state if the authorities find out because I'm pretty sure it's a felony if you don't wake up with at least one hangover during the 4th of July weekend.

I promise to do better next year, y'all.



UPDATE: Captain Carl just told me he ate possum once. This has nothing to do with the 4th of July. I just wanted to tell you because seriously, who am I married to?


20 comments:

opticynicism said...

North Carolina wasn't much better, and it rained all day on top of it just to add humidity to the mix, so as far as fireworks go . . . that dude that had like 50+ guns in his house was insane. And I'll be damned if his wife was only 65.

kyouell said...

We had lovely weather, took the kids out for a long bike ride and everything. But since our boy-child decided that was enough for him & he didn't even want to go play at the park post-nap we aren't going anywhere. I think we'll turn on the fireworks on tv. Yay. Feels very un-American, but oh well.

BTW my verification word is "quaturd" which I think may describe your weather. I haven't looked it up.

Miss Yvonne said...

@opticynicism: Yeah, that lady was at least 70. And she totally sounded like Patty and Selma from the Simpson's. My husband was all "Hey, they can't take that guys guns away!". Redneck is as redneck does, I guess.

@kyouell: Quit yer bragging about your lovely weather and your bike rides and your perfect American day already!

Ed said...

Not celebrating the 4th, but having fireworks go off all around you?

If that's patroitism, then the boys from Al Queda are basically Minutemen.

Michon said...

We watched them on TV. Does that count?

Ha! Word Verification: rebele

jbg said...

He ate it on purpose? He couldn't have know what he was putting in his mouth. Tell me he didn't know.

Sarah P said...

Was it roadkill? And *adjusting my nerd hat* have you read "Travels in Georgia" by John McPhee, published in The New Yorker sometime in the 1970s?

Vinny C said...

Of course we have fireworks for Independence Day here too but I can't tell you the last time I went to see it. Being stuck in traffic for three hours just to get out of the capital city was no treat.

Houston (aka) Tots said...

Possum, the OTHER white meat.

Marty said...

Turkey for Thanksgiving, lamb for Easter, possum for the 4th of July... Just another delightful American tradition in the making!!

Eva Gallant said...

Obviously, you are married to a possum-eater! Be very careful!

Logical Libby said...

I had the stomach flu yesterday. Spent the day wishing for death. America can suck it. I mean, until next year.

Nadine said...

possum.. gross. my mom used to make "squirrel stew" and I said "ew mom, I am not eating that" and she said it was just her nickname for odds-and-ends she squirreled away in the freezer from different meals. Now I'm afraid to ask.

jeanne said...

We skipped them too. A 2 year old and a cranky 10 year old, and clothes-melting heat. I listened from my bed. Why is it that every summer here in texas is hotter than the last?

Al Penwasser said...

When I want to see fireworks, I go see "Rich Tourist Wanders Into Bad Neighborhood Night" in South Philly.
Or Camden, New Jersey any night.
God Bless America!
Now go pour yourself a drink.

Rebekah Mae said...

It rained in my part of the East coast so luckily I had an excuse. But even if it hadn't I wouldn't have gone out there, it was horrible outside. 100 degrees topped with humidity making it feel like 110 outside. No fucking thanks.

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Sarah said...

I'm up in the Panhandle and we didn't even have fireworks because of the burn ban. My husband and BIL got all redneck and built a potato cannon. We launched glow sticks. The kids loved it!

Joanna Jenkins said...

They've been talking about how hot Texas is here in Los Angeles-- You guys are having a brutal summer. hope things cool off soon.

I'd have passed on fireworks too and opted instead for a cold drink sitting in from of the fan ;-)

xo jj

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