Me: *picks up office phone* Hello?
Him: Open your email.
Me: Ummm, okay…..what did you send me?
Him: Just read it.
Me: *reading* “Your cat is growling in her sleep”. Oh look, a picture!
Him: Its hard to tell, but she’s doing that creepy inner-eylid-half-open-sleeping thing. I hate that thing. And she was growling.
Me: Awwww, sleep growling! Cute!!
Him: Yeah well, you’re cute cat left a on the living room rug this morning.
Me: It’s not a skid mark, it’s vomit. I heard one of them puking this morning but I couldn’t find it before I left for work.
Him: Oh there was puke. On the right side of the rug. On the left side there's a giant skid mark.
Me: Oooh, that’s not good.
Him: No. No it’s not.
Me: Did you clean it up?
Him: I picked up the clump because I thought it was puke.
Him: It was not puke.
Me: But did you scrub the rug after?
Him: We’re out of .
Me: So? You don’t need carpet cleaner. Just get one of the old rags wet with hot, soapy water and scrub it.
Him: I said we’re out of carpet cleaner!
Me: You don’t need carpet cleaner!
Him: Yes I do! I can’t use the plastic scrub brush with the long handle if I don’t have carpet cleaner to squirt on the rug.
Me: Oh come on, you big baby.
Him: I am not putting my hands anywhere near a cat poop skid mark!
Me: I don’t understand how you can clean up the kids vomit without gagging once, but you can’t even scrub up a little cat poop.
Him: Because cats are nasty.
Me: You could use gloves. I have those yellow ones in the laundry room.
Him: Not happening.
Me: Well did you at least clean up the hairball?
Him: I picked up most of it but left whatever was soaking into the rug.
Him: What part of “we’re out of carpet cleaner” do you not understand?
Me: So you're telling me you won't scrub the rug for me.
Him: No carpet cleaner, no scrubbing.
Me: Fine. If I clean it up, will you at least vacuum afterwards?
Him: I will vacuum all the rugs every time if it means I never have to clean up cat poop or puke ever again.
....oh how I love cat poop!