Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Secret To Getting Your Husband To Vacuum? Cat Poop.

Me: *picks up office phone* Hello?

Him: Open your email.

Me: Ummm, okay…..what did you send me?

Him: Just read it.

Me: *reading* “Your cat is growling in her sleep”. Oh look, a picture!

Him: Its hard to tell, but she’s doing that creepy inner-eylid-half-open-sleeping thing. I hate that thing. And she was growling.

Me: Awwww, sleep growling! Cute!!

Him: Yeah well, you’re cute cat left a skid mark on the living room rug this morning.

Me: It’s not a skid mark, it’s vomit. I heard one of them puking this morning but I couldn’t find it before I left for work.

Him: Oh there was puke. On the right side of the rug. On the left side there's a giant skid mark.

Me: Oooh, that’s not good.

Him: No. No it’s not.

Me: Did you clean it up?

Him: I picked up the clump because I thought it was puke.

Me: And?

Him: It was not puke.

Me: But did you scrub the rug after?

Him: We’re out of carpet cleaner.

Me: So? You don’t need carpet cleaner. Just get one of the old rags wet with hot, soapy water and scrub it.

Him: I said we’re out of carpet cleaner!

Me: You don’t need carpet cleaner!

Him: Yes I do! I can’t use the plastic scrub brush with the long handle if I don’t have carpet cleaner to squirt on the rug.

Me: Oh come on, you big baby.

Him: I am not putting my hands anywhere near a cat poop skid mark!

Me: I don’t understand how you can clean up the kids vomit without gagging once, but you can’t even scrub up a little cat poop.

Him: Because cats are nasty.

Me: You could use gloves. I have those yellow ones in the laundry room.

Him: Not happening.

Me: Well did you at least clean up the hairball?

Him: I picked up most of it but left whatever was soaking into the rug.

Me: Seriously???

Him: What part of “we’re out of carpet cleaner” do you not understand?

Me: So you're telling me you won't scrub the rug for me.

Him: No carpet cleaner, no scrubbing.

Me: Fine. If I clean it up, will you at least vacuum afterwards?

Him: I will vacuum all the rugs every time if it means I never have to clean up cat poop or puke ever again.

....oh how I love cat poop!


plo said...

You need fake cat poop so he vaccum's daily! Thank you again for reminding me why I do NOT have cats! Amen!

Sarah P said...

The man is in charge of animalia, living or dead. That is the way of the world. He's going to have to suck it up.

Vinny C said...

Late for work? Really? Admit it! This was all part of your evil plan, wasn't it?

♫ Songbird ♫ said...

Dude...I totally get it. I'll come home from work and before my boyfriend even greets me he says "The dog shit on the floor." He doesn't clean it up, he just lets me know it's there so I can. I'm not stupid, I know he loves that frickin dog because I've seen him holding it like a baby and cooing to it. But every time it makes a mess it's MY dog. And therefore my responsibility to grab a paper towel and pick up his turds.

*rolls eyes*

What a bunch of bullshit.

Anonymous said...

Cats are gross. I woke up to a puddle of cat pee.

diane said...

Omg, I totally forgot to vacuum the rugs today! I need a cat....to remind someone else to do it.
I don't think that's really a cat in the photo, you're just messing with us.

Didactic Pirate said...

Why do I always read your posts while I'm eating? It's like I never learn.

Moooooog35 said...

I hate when there are cat poop skid marks on the carpet.

Strangely enough, I don't own a cat.

Megs said...

The only way mine will vacuum is if we get a NEW vacuum. I cannot afford a new vacuum all the time; I am not made of money.

Also he is terrified of cats. There's some story involving a cat and claws and his face and the back of his head and bleeding and smothering at the same time, but I generally cannot be bothered enough to get all the details.
Dog poop is not the same.

Fragrant Liar said...

I hope you rewarded Mr. Doody Cat well for his sneaky efforts. Paid off though, right? Heh.

Dude, there is that fake cat poop that looks totally like real poo goo. Then Mr. Doody Cat can retire.

You're welcome.

Ed said...

Am I the only one who noticed all the sexual ennuendos in this post?



Wet the rag???

Scrub the rug for me????

Taytay said...

Cats are such wonderful creatures... sometimes husbands can be too if you are lucky. So as I was browsing through the internet I came to a wedding cake that I thought you would enjoy, kind of a thank you Ms. Yvonne for all the good laughs!


justmakingourway said...

Since my husband brought the cat home from the pound with the kids to soften me up, I feel okay giving him the cat duty.

I might change my tune if it means he vacuums more...but I really hate the litter box, so that's not happening.

Isn't vacuum a funny word?

kuyr53e said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

Nina Patricia @ The Adventures of Nina Patricia said...

I got to tell ya', I have a cat and she doesn't do that kind of messes. I guess because she is about an 80yr old spinster lady.

Samuel said...

I think it's pretty understandable that he can't clean up cat poop, there are kinds of people that can clean up one nasty thing but can't clean another nasty thing. In our household, I am the only one who can handle that kind of stuff, but when there are times that the mess is unmanageable, I tend to call for the carpet cleaning (Carol Stream) service near our place, which was recommended to me by my pals. Having the contact details of the carpet cleaning (Carol Stream, IL) servicemen, I can rest assured that those stains won't last long.