Monday, March 31, 2008

Countdown To Vegas Baby!

Five days from now I'm going to be totally hammered and on my way to not being able to make the April car payment.


Damn You Chicken Breasts!

I'm a total loser in the kitchen.

How the fuck long do you cook chicken breasts anyway? They've been in the oven for 50 damn minutes and they are still only at 140 (where the hell is the degree sign on a keyboard???). The interwebs say they need to be at a minimum of 160. How long does that take...for fuck's sake!
Now me and the kid will be eating dried up chicken breasts, like that turkey in Christmas Vacation.

So obviously Captain Carl is the cook in our house. And he's not here tonight. He left me, all alone to deal with this FUCKING CHICKEN!

I hate cooking.

Random Video Clips Day

This is my favorite episode of Fresh Prince ever. Only because of the song at the beginning. And the awesome hair flower thing she's

And while we're on the subject...I totally dance like this ...I even sing the same song.

So far this is my favorite performance this season on American Idol.

If you haven't seen some of Ross the Intern's videos, you are missing out. Hil-ar-ious. This one is my favorite.

Every office needs this guy. Hey Janice!

I heart Andy Sandberg.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

I Cried Over a Haircut Today

I've been growing my hair out for the last 9 months or so. I prefer the way I look with shorter hair...not super short, but above the shoulders and all sticky-outy on the ends. Very cute IMO. But once in awhile I decide I'd like to have it longer. My husband loves long hair (doesn't every man though), so I also do it a little for him.

Lately I've been itching to cut it off. We're going to Vegas (baby!) in two weeks, and I really wanted to have my cute, kicky short cut back for vacation. I finally went and did it today. I picked a haircut from a magazine, showed it to my hairstylist and off she went.

It's important for me to note that I have never worried about cutting off my long hair. My hair grows fast and so my philosophy has always been "it's only hair, it will grow back". No big whoop.

So as my hairstylist starts cutting...and cutting...and cutting, I start silently freaking out. I'm screaming in my head, "NOooo!!!". I don't know what the hell happened, but apparently I was not as ready to cut it off as I thought. And just when I'd calmed myself down, she says to me "Well it too late to put back on, hope you happy!" and then she giggles. She's asian and does not speak very good english, so at first I thought I must have heard her wrong. Surely she didn't say that! But she did. Fuck.

Just my luck, I'm sitting in a styling chair right between two young, skinny women with hair hanging to the middle of their backs. One is getting hers straightened and the other is getting hers colored. I caught both of them shooting alarmed looks my way several times. I wanted to bitch slap both of them. Hard.

Every time my sylist would swing me out so I'm facing the rest of the salon, I would frantically search for any young, beautiful women that may be having their hair chopped off too. The only ones I saw were about my mother's age. I swear to God, the lady that sat down behind me told her stylist "just take a tiny bit off, I'm loving how it looks long!" Arrggghh....

So she dries it and styles it all poofy on top to make me look like I'm 50 years old and butch...I am neither of those things. Technically, the cut is exactly what I asked for though, so I figure I'll go home and style it my way and it will be fantastic. I drive home and anticipate what my adoring husband will say to make me feel better, like he usually does when I'm having image issues.

Me: What do you think?
Him: *blink*
Me: You don't like it?
Him: Do you like it?
Me: I'm not sure, I think I hate it
Him: Well, it's really short.
Me: Is that bad?
Him: I like your hair long.
Me: So you hate it?
Him: I don't hate it, it just isn't my favorite.
Me: *sniffle*
Him: Well, it's not THAT bad.

And that's where I burst into tears.

I know I can make it look better tomorrow. I'm sure I will love it! Really! I will!


Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Puke Monster Update

Boo puked on our bed today.


Did I mention Boo speaks in an Antonio Banderas voice?

My husband is voting to "set him free in nature where he longs to be with his own kind." Luckily for Boo, this house is run by an autonomous dictatorship...and guess who's the dictator.

Seven Weird Things About Me

I got tagged by Green Eyed Mama first tag ever! Yea!!

So ummm, what's a tag exactly? No kidding, I really didn't know until I went to her blog and kind of figured it out. So basically what I'm getting is someone tags answer the questions...and then you tag others?? Am I right? Please help the tagging virgin...if this is wrong, please tell me so I can edit this post quickly before more people see what a stupid noob I am!

So here's the dealio.

1. Place your link at the end of the list. If you have more than 1 blog, feel free to add them all here!
2. After placing your blog’s address, you must tag 5 or more bloggers that are not yet on the list, this is to keep the ball rolling. (Please remember to let the bloggers know they've been tagged!)

The Strategist Notebook ~ Link Addiction ~ Ardour of the Heart ~ When Life Becomes a Book ~ The Malaysian Life ~ ~ What goes under the sun ~ Roshidan’s Cyber Station ~ Sasha says ~ Arts of Physics ~ And the legend lives ~ My View, My Life ~ A Simple Life ~ Juliana RW ~ Mom Knows Everything ~ Beth & Cory’s Mom ~ A Mind Forever Voyaging~ enjoying the ride ~ Jennifer’s thoughts ~ Mom of 3 Girls ~ Amanda ~ Don’t Make Me Get The Flying Monkeys ~ ExPat Mom ~ Just Jessie ~ Wilson Six ~Krisitn ~ Nuttier Than You ~ Shonnte ~ Summer’s Nook ~ Laura Williams Musings ~ Sher ~ Shanda ~ Seven QTPies ~ Mel ~ Skittles ~ Lady Banana ~ Momhood Moments ~ Business Mars ~ A Simple life ~ moms….. check nyo ~ Mommy’s Little Corner ~ Pampered ~ HappyHeart ~ Make Every Day Your Lucky Day ~ Thumbelina Creations ~ Ivonnardona's Creations ~ Jewellery Craft ~ A Bead a Day~ Useless Ramblings ~Candid Yammering ~ Green Eyed Mama ~ Yo-Mama's Blog

This is pretty cool for a new blogger like me. I really wanted to find interesting blogs to read, and here is a list for me to start with. Awesome, thanks Green Eyed Mama. Unfortunately, I don't really know who to tag, since I am I'm allowing myself to skip that part. What?? I'll catch up on the next round, m'kay?

And here are my seven weird things about me.

1. I can recite Pee Wee's Big Adventure pretty much from beginning to end. Best. Movie. Ever. I have a thing for Pee Wee (the character...not Paul Reubens...there is a big difference), which explains all the references here. Ask me a question about that movie, I'll have the answer.

2. I have conversations with myself out loud. I have since I was a little girl. I was the youngest of 4 daughters, but I came 10 years after them, so it was pretty much like being an only child. I played a lot by myself, so I pretended there was always someone in the room with me. I never had a specific imaginary friend, I just had conversations with no one. And I never shook that habit, I do it every single day. I get caught all the time. Recently I was in the restroom at work, just chatting away before I realized someone else was in there. Awwwwkward!

3. I believe in ghosts. Big time. I had an experience in the house I grew up in that I swear is true. I bought a digital voice recorder this year and actually tried to get some EVP's (electronic voice phenomenon, duh) at a supposedly haunted B&B recently. I watch ghost hunting shows on tv, I read about people's encounters with ghosts and look at ghost pictures online. I've tried to capture spirits in pictures. I email spooky videos and evp's to my friends. Most of my family and friends are non-believers, so I get made fun of a lot.

4. When I'm really happy or excited, I do the running man. Doesn't matter where I am. Grocery store, the office, in the front yard. I just can't contain myself. As an added bonus, I have really big boobs so imagine that sight.

5. I heart karaoke. It makes me so happy! The more I drink , the better I am at it. I made my husband buy me a stand-up karaoke machine for Christmas last year...and we use it all the time. My signature song is "Baby Got Back". I know every single word of it, and I actually get requests for kidding. Like I'm some kind of fucking lounge singer. It's fantastic!!

6. I swear. All the time. I have no inner monologue and I say all the bad words at the most inappropriate times.

7. I hate the word "moist". Yuck.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Meet the Puke Monsters

We have two puke machines in our house. Their names are Maxine Peepee Pants and Boo Boo Kitty Cat. Max and Boo for short. Their full time jobs are to puke as much as possible...preferably in the middle of the night right in front of the bed or bathroom sink. You know, so we can step in it on our way to the bathroom. I swear they do it on purpose. One time I thought I heard Max giggling when my husband squished a little bit of hairball between his toes.

Cute, huh?

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I'm a Fat Chick

I'm just going to put it out there in the blogosphere that I am a fat chick. Up until recently, I was convinced that I was an average (whatever that means) sized chick stuck temporarily in a fat chicks body. Wrong. I've been a big girl since college...more than 12 years have gone by since I've wore anything smaller than a size 18.

I've struggled that whole time with my weight. I realized sometime last year that I most likely will always be a fat chick to some degree. I would love to get down to a size 14, that's all I really want. So in most people's eyes I will still be fat even if I achieve that goal. That's okay with me, I've now accepted that most people will think I have no will power or self-control. The reality is that is pretty much true. I have almost no will power against fried foods and my self-control is usually hanging on by a string most days.

However, I do have another reason that I just discovered last year for my weight problems. I have a non-functioning thyroid. My doctor discovered it last summer after I gained 10 lbs. in two months. I've been on meds since then and have sometimes felt better, sometimes felt worse. I'm learning that thyroid disease is a constant battle to be fought. It also makes me exhausted and completely worn out most days, even when I'm on the meds. So now I can partially blame my thyroid for being a fat chick. Stupid thyroid. You suck.

I would love to find some other thyroid girlies out there to piss and moan with about our disease. Do any of you sometimes feel like your fingers look like sausages and why have I only lost 5 lbs since I started my meds and yet my levels are good? I mean, I don't need to be thin..I just want to feel good again.

I'm about to blow this blog up

I'm so tired most nights, I hardly ever get on here and blog. In the mornings I have all these kick ass ideas for new posts. And then I get home from work and drag my butt through the motions of dinner, cleaning up after dinner, laundry, blah blah blah...just the thought of walking upstairs (upstairs..bah!!) to get on the computer is exhausting.

But my husband has come to the rescue once again! I broke his laptap about 5 months ago in a cleaning fit....apparently I broke the screen while closing it in a dusting fury. So we've had no computer downstairs. Seems like not a big deal to normal people. But for lazy and fat people...major issue. Anyway, today we got a package from Dell and I'm all "what the hell?" and he's all "oh yeah, I bought a new laptap" and I'm all "what the hell?" and he's all "I forgot to tell you but it was almost the same price as getting a new screen for the one you broke with your giant thumbs of death". So yea! we now have a laptap downstairs. Which means my fat ass can blog blog blog while watching Ghost Hunters and Medium. Awesome!

Monday, March 3, 2008

I Met Barack Obama Today

So today I met Barack Obama. Okay, technically I didn't meet him...but I did see him in person. Okay, technically I didn't really see him...but I did see his police motorcade and his bus driving the opposite direction from me on President George Bush Turnpike. Apparently he's right at this very moment speaking at some high school near here. And I'm sitting at my computer in my jammies at 5:47pm. I rock. But still, pretty cool right? I'm adding that to my list of celebrity encounters.

My last celebrity encounter was when Captain Carl and I saw Mike Tyson while waiting in line for the buffet at The Bellagio in Vegas on our honeymoon 5 years ago. We were standing there and here comes this guy with bodyguards and big tattoo on his face.

Me: *whispering* That guy looks just like Mike Tyson!
Captain Carl: That's because it is Mike Tyson.
Me: Holy crap! He's not that big in person. I think I could take him.

And I total could have, if I had not been in such a hurry to get to the crab legs. Because Mike Tyson? Total weenie.

Side note...if you have not had the pleasure of sampling the little slice of heaven that is The Bellagio buffet's open-face crab are missing out, my friend. What's better than crab legs? Already sawed open crab you don't have to crack them, thus enabling you to eat twice as many and bring on an even earlier heart attack. That's what's better. Duh.

Anyhoo, I read this article today. I've never heard of this before, but how awesomely gross and disturbing is that! Hair and teeth??!! Gah!