Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I Can Turn Anything Into A Conversation About Dicks

Captain Carl: Hello?
Me: Hey.
Captain Carl: Yes?
Me: What?
Captain Carl: You called me.
Me: I know I called you. I mean, I dialed the phone. Obviously I know that I called you.
Captain Carl: Did you need something?
Me: Not really.
Captain Carl: *silence*
Me: *yawn*
Captain Carl: So…
Me: Ohmygod, Islands In The Stream just came on Pandora!
Captain Carl: *sigh*
Me: *singing* Islands in the stream. That is what we are. Hmmm hmmm hmm between. How can we be wrong?
Captain Carl: Okay so, I’m gonna go.
Me: Wait! Did you remember to water the trees like I asked this morning?
Captain Carl: Yes. I’m still watering them.
Me: Still? It’s like 2:30 now!
Captain Carl: I know. I’m watering them slowly.
Me: How slowly?
Captain Carl: Slowly. Like I said.
Me: Do you have any idea how water bills work? You can’t run the hose all day.
Captain Carl: Calm down. There’s barely any water coming out.
Me: How much?
Captain Carl: Like just a bit.
Me: How am I supposed to know what a bit means to you?
Captain Carl: Okay, a trickle then. More like a pre-trickle. Not much at all.
Me: A pre-trickle? That is not a unit of measurement I’m familiar with.
Captain Carl: Fine, it’s barely more than what a soaker hose puts out. Jesus.
Me: Wasn’t there a race car driver named Trickle?
Co-worker listening to my conversation: Yes. His name is Dick Trickle.
Me: No way.
Co-worker: Yep, I just googled it.
Me: Heh heh, I made you google Dick Trickle on your work computer.
Other co-worker listening in: Whatever you do, don’t google
Me: OMG, do it!!
Captain Carl: Hello?
Me: Hey babe, quit Dick Trickling my trees. *laughs hysterically* *bangs fist on desk*
Captain Carl: I’m hanging up now.
Me: Okay. Dick Trickle you later!
Captain Carl: Really?
Me: I’ll be Dick Trickling you!
Captain Carl: *mumbling swear words*
Me: You’re like the Dick Trickle of landscape irrigation. I can do this all day, honey.
Captain Carl: I know. Which is why I’m doing this. *click*

He’s totally jealous of my dick joke skills.


A Kitchen Witch said...

Aaaaaand, she's back! Thanks for the afternoon snicker.

Nadine said...

oh my. i needed this giggle so much right now :) you're literally and seriously the first person to make me laugh & smile today

Wow, that was awkward said...

I love meeting people named Dick. It doesn't even matter what their last name is, there are gonna be jokes.

Brandy Rose said...

I'm jealous of your dick joke telling abilities.

Eva Gallant said...

I'm still laughing!

Jocelyn said...

I swear I want to slap the sweet tea out of Dick Trickle's mama!! Who marries into the last name Trickle let alone names their kid DICK TRICKLE!?

Sarah P said...

I kind of heart you, like, a lot.

My husband said a few minutes ago, "I can't find anything to rhyme with labia. Except Arabia."

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

My husband has an uncle named Dick. Once, I heard someone introduce his son as "Little Dick." But we were at a funeral, so I couldn't laugh. Like, at all.

Do you know how hard it is not to laugh at something that priceless???

Kari said...

I am all about a trickling dick.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

No wonder old Dick Trickle became a racing driver. With a name like Dick Trickle he probably had to beat up 500 people a week growing up and with all that testosterone what else is he going to do? Ballet? Hell no.

Logical Libby said...

How do you get anything done at work? I am very glad I don't sit by you. And a little sad.

Chris said...

Awesome. The end.

Ed said...

Whenever I want to make a dick joke, I just drop my pants.

Wait, what?

Seriously, what parent names their kid Dick with a last name like Trickle.
That's like naming your kid Peter Tracks.
Or Woody Precum (assuming Precum is an actual last name).

mizzbrizz said...

That is so my new potty word of the week! Dick trickle...hehehe!

jbg said...

That guy went through life as Dick Trickle, and I got Jennifer?? Life is not fair.

Anonymous said...

Damn. I love you.

kyouell said...

So here's my question: if you had a nickel for every dick joke you've made...

So, you start charging for your dick jokes! "PayPal me 5 cents and I'll tell you my latest dick joke!" It's a business winnah!

Cookie Monster in Therapy said...

My husband used to work with someone called Dick Stubbles. Yep.

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BugginWord said...

Pretrickle? Is that the milky-white trickle that comes before the full blown trickle? That shit can still get your trees pregnant, you know.

Left Coast Guy said...

I stand in amazement of your... dick...skills.


Joanna Jenkins said...

You. Are. A. Riot! I'll be laughing about this all day.
Thanks, xo jj

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