Me: What is this?
Captain: What is what?
Me: This! *pokes own upper arm*
Captain: Your arm?
Me: No. This! *pokes harder* This jiggly stuff!
Captain: *looks nervous* I don’t see anything jiggly.
Me: Oh come on, you can see this. *shakes arm* I have jiggly arms!
Me: When did this happen?
Captain: Ummmm….I don’t know?
Me: Seriously! Look at this. *pinches under arm* I’m all loosey goosey under here.
Captain: *stretches* Well, looks like it's time to hit the ole dusty trail.
Me: *points* You stay right there and answer my question, mister. When did this *furiously shakes arm* happen?
Captain: *stands up* Listen, I’d love to talk about this but I’ve got this big deadline to hit so….
Me: Are you saying I’ve been walking around with jiggly arms for a long time and you never told me???
Captain: *backing out of room* Oh honey, your arms are perfect.
Me: They so are not! *shakes both arms* I’ve got bat wings, damn it. And you never told me.
Captain: *yells from next room* You have sexy arms!
Me: You don’t think that, you liar! If you did, you’d be making sweet sweet love to my upper arms all the time.
Captain: Just a minute. I’m visualizing what it would be like to stick it between two bat wings.
Me: I really hate you.
Captain: Love you too!
Me: I said that I hate you!
Captain: That’s just your giant jiggly bat wings talking.
On Becoming My Grandmother
5 weeks ago