Thursday, July 15, 2010

How To Get Punched In The Face

Me: Gah!
Captain: What?
Me: What is this?
Captain: What is what?
Me: This! *pokes own upper arm*
Captain: Your arm?
Me: No. This! *pokes harder* This jiggly stuff!
Captain: *looks nervous* I don’t see anything jiggly.
Me: Oh come on, you can see this. *shakes arm* I have jiggly arms!
Captain: Ummmm….
Me: When did this happen?
Captain: Ummmm….I don’t know?
Me: Seriously! Look at this. *pinches under arm* I’m all loosey goosey under here.
Captain: *stretches* Well, looks like it's time to hit the ole dusty trail.
Me: *points* You stay right there and answer my question, mister. When did this *furiously shakes arm* happen?
Captain: *stands up* Listen, I’d love to talk about this but I’ve got this big deadline to hit so….
Me: Are you saying I’ve been walking around with jiggly arms for a long time and you never told me???
Captain: *backing out of room* Oh honey, your arms are perfect.
Me: They so are not! *shakes both arms* I’ve got bat wings, damn it. And you never told me.
Captain: *yells from next room* You have sexy arms!
Me: You don’t think that, you liar! If you did, you’d be making sweet sweet love to my upper arms all the time.
Captain: *silence*
Me: Well???
Captain: Just a minute. I’m visualizing what it would be like to stick it between two bat wings.
Me: I really hate you.
Captain: Love you too!
Me: I said that I hate you!
Captain: That’s just your giant jiggly bat wings talking.


Anonymous said...

Aw honey, it's hard being a lady isn't it? We all get a little bit of fleshy wobble in the upper arm area, whether we're 110lbs or 300lbs. Although at 300lbs I imagine it would be a LOT of arm wobble. But my point is, screw this being a woman business. I bet even old ripped Madonna, if she held her arm up and let it relax for a second, would have a little wobble there.

I'm starting to get annoyed with this woman thing. We get the periods, the birthing thing, the cellulite and the arm wobble and if we eat too much cake a little wobble pot belly appears from nowhere. HOW IS THIS FAIR AT ALL?

Megs said...

Hm. My husband employs a trick known as "totally agree and make her all upset so she will never, ever make me have this conversation ever again."

The Captain is smart to employ that trick from a different room.

Ed said...

Look at the positive.

You'll never drown...because you have built-in arm floaties!


And your mom loves it when I stick it between her floaties.

Moooooog35 said...


How far can you glide?

Mel Spillman artwork said...

Girlfriend, own those bat wings! Oprah calls those "hi-Larrys", when you wave hi to Larry, they jiggle!

I have them too and the Brazil Butt Lift DVD series (insert laugh) is helping my jiggly arms, and butt... and stomach.

Daniel said...


Stressed-out? Tired? Over-worked? Need a break?

Get spoiled with great weekly prizes from the major motion picture NANNY MCPHEE RETURNS, opening in theaters August 20!

It’s easy, fun, and rewarding!

Sign-up now at

Melinda said...

I look like a flying squirrel in drag

Logical Libby said...

I bet you could make some good money with fetish sites. I know I do with my webbed toes and flat ass...

Didactic Pirate said...

Your arms are fine. Your arms are fine. Your arms are fine. Your arms are fine. Your arms are fine. Your arms are fine. Your arms are fine. Your arms are fine.

Your arms are luscious treats.

Anonymous said...

Hubby always "jiggles" my parts because he says, "It's fun."

I am now doing P90X. Just wait. When HE gets punched, it'll be SUPER hard.

Soda and Candy said...

Bingo wings! I think Veg is right, Madonna probably has them even with her creepy Gollum arms. At least that's what I tell myself.

Leslie said...

I call them my angel wings

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

i think of something completely different when i say "batwings".

Anonymous said...

uh huh! wait until your nipples start resembling Kermitt The Frogs eyes!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Your post title made me laugh out loud. Gawd, woman, you kill me! If it makes you feel any better....I have jiggly upper arms and legs and I have a huge muffin top.

I just posted about being how flabulous I am.


And, Love,

Joanna Jenkins said...

That's the first time I've laughed about jiggly arms. It's been forbidden to even be mentioned in my house :-)


Just.Kate said...

A conversation between my parents concerning my mother's most recent diet:

D: I don't know why you worry so much. It's not like you're a gazelle.

M: Then what am I? A water buffalo?

D: Hm?

M: An elephant?

D: ...What were we talking about?

M: My weight.

D: ...No. I don't think so.

M: Yes.

D: No, I was talking about something else.

M: What else?

D: ...I don't remember.

* * *

Nice save, Dad.

justmakingourway said...

Jiggly arms are no laughing matter! Except here. You - and your bat wings - are hilarious!

Kurt said...

The best part about jiggly arms is you can tell if a T. Rex is coming because of the ripples.

Kurt said...

Also, To Vegetable Assassin: It's fair because you get to touch boobies whenever you want. Your witness.

Haasiegirl said...

Its like watching an episode in my house, except my DH would throw in that he would be happy to have sex to make me feel better.