Monday, July 19, 2010

34 Days

So the Kiddo goes to college in a month. I’m having some trouble with this fact. And when I say “having some trouble” I mean “crying my eyes out at the very thought of my baby leaving me”.

This is no exaggeration, y’all. I already felt screwed over for missing the first 8 years of his life and all the cute baby-Kiddo stuff. But now I feel even worse because 10 years has flown by and guess what? I’m an empty-nester at 36 years old.

Captain Carl, on the other hand, is pretending to be ecstatic. He’s all “We’ve never been alone, we’ve always had the boy, we’ve never gotten the chance to be true newlyweds, hooray!” but I know inside he’s really sad too. Those two are as thick as thieves most days. Sometimes I feel left out of the super nerdy boy club when they are together.

Everyone keeps asking me when we are going to take the Kiddo to school and I honestly didn’t know. Mostly because I don’t want to know on account of my sad stepmom heart breaking every time I think about his room being empty soon. So I just wave my hand in the air and vaguely say “Oh, sometime in mid August-ish”. But today I logged into facebook and that the Kiddo had posted this:

I move out in 34 days :p

The little fucker put a smiley tongue face at the end of it. Like he’s soooo happy to be leaving us that he just can’t help but stick his tongue out. Like he’s giving us the facial equivalent of the finger. Like, like….hang on a minute…

*sob sob sob*

*sniffle*

34 days.

So I’ve never left a comment on any of his facebook posts, even when it’s been completely stupid. But I was so sad reading this one, that I just had to get back at him for being so damn happy about his future. And so I left this comment:

34 days until we can finally have our first swingers party!

So far? 27 “likes” from his friends. Because I’m just that awesome.

19 comments:

Nej said...

(giggle)

That's perfect!!!

Ed said...

That'll show him.

No platform like Facebook to learn your parents are swingers in waiting.

Bet his friends are jealous.

Sarah P said...

Perfect.

Someday, you have to tell us your story with the boy.

Twisted Susan said...

That's it then, in 34 days you are ttly having a swinger's party. Extra lubricant.

Didactic Pirate said...

Yea, he's all cocky with the tongue-wagging smiley face now. Just wait until September when he's calling you ever other day. And asking about coming home every other weekend "just to do laundry."

But still. I get the sadness part.

Beta Dad said...

Save this so you can re-read it when he moves back in after college and puts the kibosh on your swinging lifestyle.

Cassie said...

LMAO! You really are the best mom ever :)

I bet inside Kiddo is really upset about it too. maybe... really really deep down inside.

Logical Libby said...

Yeah, and 36 days until he is calling you for money, and wishing he could come home.

Fragrant Liar said...

Yeah, they are only all happy frisky sunshiny until the money runs out or the girlfriend dumps him or he has to call you from jail . . . Then he'll thank the universe for the day you came into his life.

But see, now you have a reason to not let him come home! "Dude, we're having a swingers' party, and there's no room at the inn!"

Heather said...

Oh you seriously rule! I'm in lesbian love with you. If only I swung that way.

Hope these next 34 days crawl by like a turle!

Veronica Vaughn said...

You really are that awesome. :)

kate said...

I was all super-excited-can't-wait-to-move-out-and-get-to-college myself after I graduated from high school...and shortly after leaving, I couldn't wait until the weekends rolled around where I could sneak home for a day or two to "do some laundry" (ie, hang out with my mom).

Just make sure to figure out what weekends he'll be back when scheduling your swingers parties.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

you're the kind of mom i hope to be one day.

Jules said...

SWINGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, I'm very sorry.

Christiejolu said...

OMG my baby is starting Kindergarten and I am falling apart...I am visiting from Green-Eyed Momsters blog...

Tony said...

Sigh...I remember when I went away for college. I was so happy...but my mom never failed to guilt trip me.

Joanna Jenkins said...

OMG. You are so funny. The Facebook comment was perfect. But the 27 "Likes" is even better! What a crack-up.

Hang in there.
jj

Weeping Sore said...

The only thing worse than an empty nest is one filled with angry monkeys on crack. So count your blessings, dear.

Kurt said...

So begins the period of your life you'll look back at as "The Groping Years".

No kids = All-the-time boob grabs.

Fact.