Thursday, June 11, 2009

Takin' It To Brown Town

My son friend requested me today on Facebook. I was completely shocked. Teenagers don't want to be friends with their parents, right? Especially not on Facebook, right?? I saw him there when I first signed up but I purposely stayed away because I figured he would reject my friend request on the basis of "No way in hell am I going to have my stepmom listed as a friend". Plus I figured my 16 year old niece (let's call her Bean) would have already warned him not to do it, because she accepted my friend request and I proceeded to leave comments like "Yo yo yo, my little butter bean! Wazzzzuppppp???" and "Dude, we're sooooo gonna party this weekend. You bring the new Jonas Brothers CD, I'll bring the chips and queso." and "Bean, you forgot your period panties at my house last weekend when you came to stay because you were afraid of staying at home alone without your mom because you thought your friends might want to come over and have a party and no way would you do that because you're such a good girl". So he totally surprised me with his invitation. Of course I accepted because now I can read everything he posts, which is both helpful and hilarious. Dumb kid.

This morning I spent about an hour reading through everything he's written in the past six months. I have never seen so many "ttly's" and "dude's" and "OMG's" in my life. Surprisingly, he curses a lot less than I thought he would. But then, that probably has something to do with the fact that his Granddad Ward and Uncle Mailman Mike are also his friends. One thing he does do a lot is talk about how awesome he is. Not a surprise. What's also not a surprise is all the girls that write things to him like "OMG, ur pic is soooo cute! I ttly love it!" and "Whatsup zexy?" and "Plse don't quit band next yr!".

Okay, old lady moment in 3, 2, 1.... What the hell is up with the abbreviations? How much harder can it be to add the "ea" to the word "please"? Slacker kids. When I was their age I spelled out complete words, and I put them in notes and passed them in class because we didn't have cell phones and facebook! All we had was notebook paper and a pencil, and we were happy to have it! Also I walked to school uphill, both ways.

Anyway, I found a few things the Kiddo wrote that made me chuckle. For example, he wrote this right after he smashed up his car:

"My car broke down the day after I got off my grounding."

I love how he doesn't mention the fact that he backed into a parked trailer and THAT is the reason his car is broken down. Excellent omission, way to be evasive son!

And then a few days after that:

"My car is now street legal but I can't go anywhere."

Probably because his jerky parents grounded him for busting up the car that was in mint condition three weeks prior. Psshhh, parents. Losers.

But then I read further back and found a comment that decidedly stood out from all the rest. Someone asked him how the SAT test went for him and his response was:

"I ttly bent it over and took it to brown town."

That's my boy. I'm so proud.

*tear*

27 comments:

Amy Kate said...

it is like everytime you post ANYTHING about that kid, I love him more and more. Like I want to reverse myself by about 17 years and hang out with him. Hilarious!!!

Does he read your blog? Or know that you post about him? I remain happy that my kids can't read, and while they may see their pictures (occasionally defaced to make the older one the devil) they don't know about me telling the world* about how much and how loud they fart.

*world=18 people.

Mona Lott said...

Bwahahahahahahahahaha! I love it!

Isabel Princes said...

Bent it over and took it to brown town is probably the funniest line I have heard in a very long time. I am soooo stealing it (because yes, I do like to talk like a teenage boy)

Suburbia Steph said...

That's hilarious!

I'm gonna steal that phrase....takin' it to brown town!

erin said...

Amy Kate already asked my question, does the kid read your blog?

My teenage brother is on my facebook, but he's surprisingly vague. "Going to Sam's hit up the cell"
"Basketball Tonight"
"My mom is a total bitch"
"WEED WEED WEED SOMEONE HOOK ME UP WITH SOME MOTHERFUCKING WEED"

diane said...

I keep my myspace profile so that I can connect with my kids. I've learned to send them private messages so as not to embarrass them. Loved your messages, btw. Way to go, mom!
Your son sounds so cute. I bet he's popular.
I just gave myself the worst pedicure in the world, with huge white tips. What the H*LL was I thinking? Now I can't get the white off, it's like permanent or something. Where are my cute pink socks?

Little Ms Blogger said...

Bent over and took it to brown town is an awesome line.

Two of my nephews befriended, but my youngest one told me he wasn't going to befriend me on FB or Twitter.

I think he was shocked because I completely understood.

His mom doesn't.

beth said...

hysterical! facebook is like crack for me.

Harna said...

It's the damn text messaging. I hate it because it makes everybody socially retarded.

Kate said...

My future father-in-law just figured out how to text and he's so proud of the fact that he is now hip enought to keep in touch with all of the kids...however, he thinks that it's far more effecient to leave random letters out of words that he's texting, so I get random messages that are harder to decipher than most vanity licsense plates (what the hell does "Bmre flppy ht nt" mean?!?)

More and more of my friends mothers are joining facebook and friending all of us...I should probably start censoring some of my pictures - I'm sure it's only a matter of time before my mom joins in, too!

Blonde Goddess said...

Brown town...priceless!

Betsey Booms said...

Ttly. Now I'm looking for brown town on my GPS.

What the EFF? He made that shit up.

Oh wait. Shit.

RIIIIIGHT. NOW I get it.

Ttly fnny.

blondie-lox said...

brown town. that's awesome! way to make his mama proud!! hey, i have something over at my blog for you!

Miss Yvonne said...

Amy Kate: He knows I have a blog, but I don't think he has even thought about me blogging about him. I'll show it to him when he graduates from college, that'll be a laugh.

Mona: I love it too! We're so much alike!

Isabel: I talk like a teenage boy all the time. My new favorite thing to say is "Fail"...the boy says it constantly.

Suburbia Steph: Steal away!

erin: Yeah, the Kiddo makes vague references to weed too...I'm hoping he's kidding, but he's in the band so he's probably not.

diane: Heh heh, you said "huge white tips".

Ms Blogger: Hey, I'm still totally cool and hip, but my kid just doesn't know it. Too bad for him.

beth: I'm afraid FB will hook me, so I'm purposingly limiting myself to one check a day.

Harna: So true...my boy can't have a normal conversation with any adults. It's all "meh" and "gah" and "whatevs".

Kate: My mom texting is my worst nightmare. She's tried, but she can't figure out how to read the ones that come in on her phone, so I think I'm safe for now.

Blonde Goddess: no, YOU'RE priceless!

Betsey: Brown town is 20 miles due south of Saggy Titsville. You're welcome.

blondie: I'm on my way!

Dana's Brain said...

You should be proud - that is (wait for it) - awesome!

My WV is "doush"! WTF do you have against me, WV?!

Poke Salad Annie said...

you are effing hilarious! this is my first time reading you're blog and ima follow it! effing hilarious.

diane said...

Oh man, I never thought of that (huge white tips). I must be slipping.

Larew said...

Your own kid friended you? Congrats! What amazes me is how quickly they forget they friended you and then revert to writing things they really don't want you to know. Talk about a noob kind of move! Like, Hellooooo... did you forget I was here?

So, imagine my surprise when my kid's college roommate also friended me? I think he must have been trying to look like he had lots of friends. What a loser! Of course, that makes me a loser too because I totally accepted the friend request so I could boost my FB numbers.

Candice said...

I ttly take it to brown town on a daily basis.

It's the shit, yo.

Word.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I read this post this morning and thought, "That's great, the kiddo thinks he did so well he'll get into Brown University!"

And now I'm thinking maybe...no.

I guess my mind is just pure like that.

Vic said...

I thought he was talking about Brownsville.

I hear it's nice in the summertime.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I'll say it too- Brown Town-- OMG-- THAT'S funny.
LOVE, love, love your blog! I'll be back again soon.

Anna Russell said...

OMG, I h8 txt spk. H8 it!

I think it's sweet he added you to his Facebook though - I'm 30 and I wouldn't let my mother near mine!

Lulu said...

I want to adopt your kid, but not in a creepy cougar kind of way.....unless you ttly approve.

Lindsay Champion said...

Wow, I have never heard of a son adding his mother-- that is a huge step, he must love you! It is SO STRANGE to read the messages other family members get on facebook. I almost don't want to know...

lindsay || newyorkwords.net

LiLu said...

Oh man, I wish my parents had had your sense of courtesy! I had to create a whole alter ego facebook persona to avoid them seeing any "blog" stuff... argh!

predisastered said...

I have the reverse problem since my kid isn't old enough to have a Facebook -- or, rather, at least one I have discovered. My mother has "friended" all of my friends and is on a mission to make me seem incredibly uncool by comparison. Excellent.

I hear you on the whole teenage, Orwellian, abbreviated teenspeak. I texted my child last month, after receiving a barrage of unintelligible messages about god knows what, to: "Speak English or at least Pig Latin! I can't read LEET while driving." Then, I was embarrassed for being such a curmudgeon.

Most of all, though: Miss. Yvonne = awesome. My daughter used to play dress up and claim that's who she was supposed to be with a sheer curtain wrapped around her like a ball gown.