It's Moving Day...Hurrah!

Ding dong, the jerks are gone!

Eco Nazi and Kool Aid have left the building, and Holy Elvis am I happy about it. They vacated our house early this morning. Apparently they were just as anxious as we were for them to leave, because they had their suitcases in the driveway at 6:30am when I left for work.

But before I walked out, I noticed that they had left a huge pile of trash next to the garbage can in the kitchen and a bunch of dirty dishes in the sink. I'm pretty sure I muttered "Idiots" and when I turned around Eco was standing behind me holding his fish tank. So I said hi and he just glared at me and went back upstairs. Oooookay then.

After that pleasant exchange, I walked towards the front door but stopped when I noticed a letter on the counter that had been written on and ripped out of a spiral bound notebook. It was from Eco:

Please put our security deposit in this envelope and write my
checking account number 000blahblah1234idiot567 on it and
deposit it in Moron Bank, N.A. as soon as possible.
We were going to vacuum our room but we were not allowed
to use it last night or this morning.

So first of all, what kind of genius gives someone their bank account number? Especially when that same someone also has their driver's license and social security numbers?

Secondly....dude? Seriously. That's not how this works. See, you don't just get all your money back. Especially when you stain the carpets and ruin pizza pans and leave a chocolate ice cream puke stain in our driveway (I forgot to tell you guys about that one). And if you do get lucky enough to get any of your deposit back, we will send you a check. We are not your personal bank runners. Nice try, asswipe.

And third, the vacuum thing. Last night at about 10pm, Eco and Kool Aid decided to bestow upon us one last gift before moving out. They made a tuna casserole. Yep. So I went to bed at 10:30 with hot tuna smell wafting into my bedroom. Do you know what kind of dreams happen when you sleep while breathing hot tuna smell? Fucked up dreams, that's what kind. I woke up at 2am from a nightmare involving Lindsay Lohan and a cat with a yeast infection.

Anyway, while they were assembling their tuna casserole, Eco asked me if we have a vacuum. Ummm, yeah. That thing that gets turned on every weekend downstairs and is really loud and sucks up shit? That's a vacuum. So yes, we do have one. Hilarious that they've never used, huh? So I tell Eco where it is and after he drags it upstairs, Captain Carl asks him if he plans on using it right then and Eco says he's thinking about it and the Captain says I wouldn't if I were you. That's when I went to bed.

Apparently after that, they started banging around in the kitchen and the Captain had to tell them to knock it off and finish up in the morning. We had no idea they were planning to leave at the crack of ass the next day, so I guess the vacuum comment in his note was Eco's attempt to establish that we prevented them from cleaning.

Right. Again, nice try asswipe. Bye bye now....and good luck and meh. Whatever.

Okay people, let's all pray to baby Jesus and Oprah that we find a new renter for the empty room soon and that whoever it is won't be a giant douche bag.