Monday, June 1, 2009

Yes, This Makes Total Sense aka The Morons Living In My House Strike Again

Our new renter moves in tonight, so Bambi had to be out on Saturday in order for us to get the room ready for him. She showed up at the house around 4pm that day and then spent all night packing and cleaning the bathroom. And when I say all night, I mean literally all night. I went to bed at midnight and she was still banging around up there. So much for leaving on Saturday. But she did leave early on Sunday. Very early. 3:30 in the morning early. Captain Carl decided to stay up Saturday night until she was done, just to be sure nothing stupid was going on. She did come down at one point and ask if she could put some jeans in the dryer and the Captain was all "Ummmm, no. It's 2am and my wife is sleeping" because I guess 19 year olds don't think about details like that. Because they're morons.

Anyway, Bambi had decided to move up to one of our country's eastern states (good luck, Connecticut!), and I never really heard why. The Captain mentioned once that he thought she was going there to attend school for the summer, but I never got any details. So on Sunday morning, Captain Carl came to bed at 3:30am and told me that Eco and Kool Aid just took "them" to the airport. So my first question was "At 3:30??" and then my second question was "Them??".

Apparently Bambi had a guy staying with her in our house for four days and I had no idea. He was really quiet and I guess never ate unless she brought him food. He was like Harry Potter under the stairs or something. This guy flew here four days ago from Connecticut. She met him online and I don't know what this girl said to him....but whatever it was, it must have been really good because he's paying for her to move up there and live with him for free. Someone she'd never met in person before. Yep, I'm sure that's gonna work out.

So she's all Miss Packy Pack and then her brother drives her and her new boyfriend to the airport at 3:30 in the morning. And no, there was no 4:30am flight to catch...their flight was not until 8am. Captain Carl explained to me that Eco had agreed to drive them to the airport, but he didn't want to "get up early" so he told Bambi she had to go as soon as she was done packing. Ummm, 3:30am isn't early?? Huh. So rather than, oh I don't know, getting packed up earlier in the day and going to bed at night and getting up at 6am like a normal smart person would do, they stayed up all night and then sat at the airport for hours waiting for their flight.

Who are these people??? Seriously! I mean, who agrees to pay a stranger's way through life based only on an internet relationship? And who the hell thinks it's logical to go to the airport at 3:30 in the morning and several hours before their flight? And how did we luck out and have these people living in our house for 6 months?

And here's the best part. She left all her shit at our house. Dozens of boxes, plants, litter box, a desk, her moped.....all the things most people take with them when they move. So even though Bambi was gone yesterday, her crap was still there. When she left in the wee hours of the morning, she told Captain Carl that some guy named Charro or Champo or something like that was going to come at 9am and pick up all her stuff. Yeah, dude didn't show until 8pm. But the good news is, he took Eco and Kool Aid's huge aquarium that they were keeping their hermit crabs in and was now sitting empty on the bathroom floor. I have no idea why two hermit crabs needed an aquarium large enough for a baby octopus or why they thought it was a good idea to just dump it on the bathroom floor, but whatever. It's gone and they will be too in 8 days! I just hope Bambi's moped will be gone by then, because it was still sitting in our driveway this morning when I left for work. Awesome.

I'm getting drunk on June 9....really really drunk.

15 comments:

Mona Lott said...

Mercy!

Did she at least do a good job of cleaning the bathroom? (she asks dubiously)

Anna Russell said...

Why wait till June the 9th? Giant aquariums, left behing mopeds, internet weirdness - you need a drink this instant!

TrodoMcCracken said...

Not everyone on the internet is weird. You know? Like, we aren't weird. Are we?

Also, since you've missed 21 birthdays/Christmas/Special Events in my life I suggest you hijack that moped for "back taxes" and send it to me.

Betsey Booms said...

I kind of remember being those kids. Which probably isn't a surprise.

diane said...

If you ever decide to come visit me, the drinks will be overflowing. Seriously, when the dust has settled from old/new renters, if you would like to get away for a few days, you can hide out here. Open offer. xo d

Logical Libby said...

I didn't think they let those kinds of people into Connecticut...

Did you ever get a new strainer? Or do they still owe you?

Lana said...

i'm happy for you that they'll be moving out and you now have a (hopefully) more reliable tenant, but i will miss the stories about how messed up they are. they always made me feel so normal.

Wow, that was awkward said...

The awesome blog fodder wasn't worth it? Hilarious!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

OMFG! I can't believe people are that stupid! I can't, no wait, I refuse to believe it. I think you're a genius writer and you're making it all up!!

If this stuff is true...I wonder how they survive!

I might have to get drunk today! Joking!!

Jugs!!

Little Ms Blogger said...

She's moving to Connecticut! Oh no, that's where I live.

I hope it is the northern part of the State.

I wonder, if this guy was willing to pay for her to move, I wonder if I just sent him my bills, he'd pay them.....

beth said...

wait...you have people that are apparently old enough to rent a house from you and they have hermit crabs?!?!?! for real?!?! don't you stop getting hermit crabs like when you're ten or something?

LiLu said...

"He was like Harry Potter under the stairs or something."

HAHHAHAHAHAHA oh my lord I love you!

Lulu said...

I really really hope that your new renter at least dates a stripper, and tries to hide her under the pillow when his ex drops the kids off and they get into a hot tranny mess of a fight.....otherwise, he will have to pay you extra bloggy tax or something.

He will so owe you for the loss of the Bambi/internet stranger conjugation visit posts!

And also, she obviously didn't feed him while he was there so he wouldn't have to use the bathroom.

Vic said...

At least the extra house guest was quiet! (How did they sneak him in and out?)

Good riddance to the morons!

My WV is "ovencide". Is that oven murder, or murder BY oven?

jessica o said...

Seriously, dude. Where the fuck do you live in Dallas? I swear I've partied at your house before.

No, Trodo M, you're not weird at all.