Captain Carl was away Friday and Saturday visiting his parents. I stayed home and got drunk by myself on a cheap bottle of Riesling both nights (yes, on the same bottle. So what? I'm a cheap date, shut up.). The Kiddo spent all his time both days either working or at a friend's house and it's just no fun singing karaoke alone, so I watched a lot of movies and cleaned house in between glasses of wine.
My life is so exciting, I can hardly stand it.
So on Saturday, Renty wanders in while I'm watching yet another bad Lifetime movie. I'm pretty sure this one had a dingo and a stolen baby in it. Renty tells me he's got a date that night....he just got divorced and this will be his first date since becoming single again, so this is big news. Because I'm nosy and slightly tipsy, I ask him how he met her. He says he met her at the community pool in our subdivision. I asked if she lives in our neighborhood and he says "Well, her mom does" and then just stares at me. He looks a little scared and embarassed suddenly, so of course I press on. I'm all about getting the details, people. I say "Oh yeah? Does she live with her mom or somewhere else?" and he says "Well, it's kind of a weird situation..." Oh, do tell!
"See, she's only 23 years old".
Renty is 41 years old.
Of course, my response was totally mature. "No shit?? Go on with your bad self!".
This seemed to distress Renty even further. He told me he's a bit nervous because this will be his first date in many years. And I'm all nodding and making "Mmmm hmmm, right" sounds, but in my head I'm thinking Does she know how much you love cats??? Then he told me that they met a few weeks ago, but so far all they've done is text. To which I say "Well, you know how the youngsters are these days with their texting and tapping and what not" and I'm not sure if he knew I was teasing him, but he kept talking so I guess I didn't offend too much. He's all "Yeah, she keeps asking me which weekends I don't have my kids, so I'm starting to think she was hinting at something." and I was all "Ya think?" and he was all "I figured she wanted to go out sometime." and I was all "Yes, and she probably wants to come over and 'See your room' if you know what I mean." and then I was all winky and nudgy and he just stared at me blankly.
After he went upstairs, I started thinking about what it was about him that attracted a 23 year old? He's in a pretty good shape, relatively attractive. But definitely not the type of guy I would think a just-barely-old-enough-to-drink-legally girl would be into to. I don't think he's the type to act like he's rich or more important than he is. He drives a beat up car. He has two young children and is recently divorced. This just wasn't adding up to me. A few hours later, he comes downstairs and asks me if I like his outfit for his date and that's when I figured it out. He's a nice guy. A genuinely nice guy. And I think that is what this young lady was attracted to...his niceness.
Either that, or she's got major daddy issues.
It's probably the daddy thing, right?
The Case of the Very Strange Speech Impediment
2 weeks ago