Monday, June 29, 2009

Renty's Robbing The Cradle

Captain Carl was away Friday and Saturday visiting his parents. I stayed home and got drunk by myself on a cheap bottle of Riesling both nights (yes, on the same bottle. So what? I'm a cheap date, shut up.). The Kiddo spent all his time both days either working or at a friend's house and it's just no fun singing karaoke alone, so I watched a lot of movies and cleaned house in between glasses of wine.

My life is so exciting, I can hardly stand it.

So on Saturday, Renty wanders in while I'm watching yet another bad Lifetime movie. I'm pretty sure this one had a dingo and a stolen baby in it. Renty tells me he's got a date that night....he just got divorced and this will be his first date since becoming single again, so this is big news. Because I'm nosy and slightly tipsy, I ask him how he met her. He says he met her at the community pool in our subdivision. I asked if she lives in our neighborhood and he says "Well, her mom does" and then just stares at me. He looks a little scared and embarassed suddenly, so of course I press on. I'm all about getting the details, people. I say "Oh yeah? Does she live with her mom or somewhere else?" and he says "Well, it's kind of a weird situation..." Oh, do tell!

"See, she's only 23 years old".

Renty is 41 years old.

Of course, my response was totally mature. "No shit?? Go on with your bad self!".

This seemed to distress Renty even further. He told me he's a bit nervous because this will be his first date in many years. And I'm all nodding and making "Mmmm hmmm, right" sounds, but in my head I'm thinking Does she know how much you love cats??? Then he told me that they met a few weeks ago, but so far all they've done is text. To which I say "Well, you know how the youngsters are these days with their texting and tapping and what not" and I'm not sure if he knew I was teasing him, but he kept talking so I guess I didn't offend too much. He's all "Yeah, she keeps asking me which weekends I don't have my kids, so I'm starting to think she was hinting at something." and I was all "Ya think?" and he was all "I figured she wanted to go out sometime." and I was all "Yes, and she probably wants to come over and 'See your room' if you know what I mean." and then I was all winky and nudgy and he just stared at me blankly.

After he went upstairs, I started thinking about what it was about him that attracted a 23 year old? He's in a pretty good shape, relatively attractive. But definitely not the type of guy I would think a just-barely-old-enough-to-drink-legally girl would be into to. I don't think he's the type to act like he's rich or more important than he is. He drives a beat up car. He has two young children and is recently divorced. This just wasn't adding up to me. A few hours later, he comes downstairs and asks me if I like his outfit for his date and that's when I figured it out. He's a nice guy. A genuinely nice guy. And I think that is what this young lady was attracted to...his niceness.

Either that, or she's got major daddy issues.

It's probably the daddy thing, right?


Vic said...

Twenty-three year olds don't like nice guys. She's looking for a daddy, I believe.

Poor little renty. At least it'll give your cat a much-needed break.

Anonymous said...

He sure isn't searching far and wide for a date now is he?

And I agree with Vic - the pussy needs a break.

Kim said...

1. I think he's just interested in her cat.

2. She's 23, so her standards are low. If he has a job, he's rich.

3. I LOVE CHEAP REISLING! Blue Nun rocks!

Larew said...

Ah, another kindred drinking spirit... tipsy all weekend on one bottle of wine! We could have some good times together!

I can't imagine any self-respecting 20 year old dating a 40 year old. But then again, my ex is married to a woman 20 years his junior, so guess that shows how much I know. I think Vic's right about the daddy complex. I wonder if she's a cat person or a dog person. That could be more of a deal breaker for Renty than the age thing.

Cat Lady

Dana's Brain said...

Whoa. Somehow I missed the first cat loving post. Interesting.

I'm going along with the daddy issues vibe.

Mona Lott said...

You realize that on Renty's Blog, you must be Drunk,Lascivious Landlady!

Anonymous said...

He's renting a ROOM. It's the daddy thing. Plus, if I remember being 23, we weren't super bright back then. But I would have been GROSSED OUT if a 41 year old hit on me. It HAS to be the daddy thing.

I loved your story though. I could TOTALLY see you chillin' on your couch and then perking up and getting into the conversation, eggin' him on. Bad you! (Totally would have done the same thing.....AND gotten details the next day.....)

Tamis said...

Daddy issues--you nailed it!

The nice guy thing might play into it but she is looking for a Daddy!

2 nights on a bottle of wine! way to save your pennies!

miss. chief said...

here's what happened: they met in the dark and exchanged phone numbers, they've only talked through their telephones via TEXTING and he hasn't told her how old he is. that's what's up. she'll get grossed out soon enough. 41, 2 kids and renting a room...not exactly sexy

Green-Eyed Momster said...

When I saw your post title I was thinging "Duh, how old can your cat be?" And, then I thought she wants a Daddy...Sugar Daddy? Isn't that going to be weird when they are hanging out with you watching Lifetime movies with you and she sees how much he likes your cat? I'm just sayin'....


Green-Eyed Momster said...

thinging is the new thinKing, in case you didn't know!!

More Jugs@@

Houston said...

OK, since no one else is going to say it I will...

Maybe Renty is hung like Man-O-War.

I'm just sayin'.

Kurt said...

I think maybe her issue is... who give a shit, Go! Go! Go Renty! Now the cat can stop hiding in the basement and get into therapy.

LiLu said...

When I get home tonight, I'm definitely going to ask B if I can "see his room." SO romantic!!

Anonymous said...

Daddy issues. Or she's ugly. Was she ugly?! Please tell. Or maybe she is a nice girl and wants a nice older more mature man. I'm going with ugly because I sometimes like to be mean.

sstahlberg said...

Dude, you should totally post a picture of Renty. I know you would be violating his rights and stuff, but still, I would like a visual. And post a picture of his date too, if you ever get the urge to go ahead and violate those rights, you know. Oh and, I am guessing the girl is probably weird and ugly. I am 24 and if a 41 year old wanted some of these goodies he would have to resemble Brad Pitt. Just saying.