Friday, June 26, 2009

I Just Swallowed A Cherry Pit. Is That Bad?

I'm worried. My older sisters used to tell me that if I swallowed a watermelon seed, I would grow a watermelon in my tummy. I was so freaked out by that, I have not once swallowed a watermelon seed since. Okay, I have swallowed the white seeds, but never a brown seed because those just look like they mean business and I don't want to be messin' around with that. So will a cherry tree grow in my stomach or will I just poop out the pit? Or will I poop it out, but there will be leaves growing out of it and maybe a couple roots? Or will I be like that churchy lady in The Witches Of Eastwick who vomited cherries until she died of extreme cherry explosions and also from being too judgy because that bitch was awful and holy crap, wasn't Susan Sarandon's hair in that movie just to die for y'all?

I don't know if you've heard, but y'all! Michael Jackson died. I'm letting you know because I haven't seen much about it on tv, so I'm not sure if everyone has found out yet.

That was me being sarcastic. Did you pick up on it? Big ups to those of you who did, because that shit was subtle.

Seriously though, I'm mourning a little bit over here. I'm mourning for the MJ I knew and loved. The Off The Wall MJ. The Thriller MJ. The MJ that I had a crush on when I was 10. The MJ I had a poster of on my bedroom wall....the one with him wearing the yellow sweater vest.



It's sad when someone so iconic leaves this world. It's even more sad when you text your friend, DZ, about it and she says "Well that's one less child molester in the world". Because maybe he was or maybe he wasn't, but that's what most people think of when they think of him. But not me. Nope. I'm gonna think about the MJ with the Pepsi fire hair and the moonwalking and the glove and the big nose and the black skin. The weirdo MJ has no place in my memory, because we gotta hang on to some of the things from our past that are good and fine and innocent. And also because PYT is still one of my favorite songs and I really don't want to be ooged out when I hear it because hello, he was probably singing about little boys and not teenage girls.

My stepdaughter has been here this week visiting. She and the Kiddo are 18 and 17 years old, so the only Michael Jackson they remember is the creepy one. I asked them what they thought of him dying and the Kiddo said "Yeah, that sucks. Can I go to the mall?". So deep, that one. My stepdaughter was all "It's terrible! How will I ever get to see him in concert now!" and I was all "You wanted to see him in concert?" and she was all "Yes, and I was going to get seats really close to the stage and he was going to pull me out of the crowd and up on the stage and then I was going to do the moonwalk!" and I was all "Just like Courtney Cox and Bruce Springsteen!" and she was all "Bruce Who?" and I was all "Springsteen...you know, The Boss?" and she was all "Huh?" and I was all "Born in the USA? Glory Days? Dancing In The Dark?" and she was all "Was he popular back in the olden days?" and I was all "No, he was big when I was a kid" and she was all "Yeah, that's what I meant...way back in the 80's" and then I told her to shut up and go mow the lawn.

I feel old.

21 comments:

Sunshinemeg said...

Your probably going to die from your cherry accident. God speed.

Jules said...

You do know it's because MTV no longer shows VIDEOS anymore. Our youth is so lost.....

I told Hubby an icon from our youth had died. He said, "Duran Duran died?"

Nice.

And my babysitter told me that if I chewed on my hair, they'd have to do surgery to get the huge hairball out of my stomach. I never chewed on my hair again.

Good luck with the cherry tree!

Green-Eyed Momster said...

You're definitely going to grow a cherry tree in your belly!! ;)

My kids didn't know that Michael Jackson was black. And, they don't know who Farrah Fawcett was...

You feel old?

Jugs@@

Mona Lott said...

The olden days. Ah, I remember them well:p

I think you should make her mow several lawns! And when she gives you the face, you can just be like, "BAYUM! You've been struck by a smooooth crminAL!" she won't know what you're talking about, but I bet it will be satisfying none the less.

Kim said...

I'm still not brave enough to try the Pop Rocks candy and Coke together. I mean, I've dabbled with drugs and all in the past, but I'm not freaking INSANE, people.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I read a write up of MJ's death and the reporter ended it with "as MJ got older, his skin got whiter and his nose narrower."

The Peach Tart said...

I'm feeling old too...How did Farrah get 62, Michael Jackson 50 and well let's don't forget about Ed McMahon. Susan Sarandon on the other hand is looking mighty fine.

beth said...

YOU ARE MY HERO FOR POSTING A PICTURE OF THAT POSTER! anyway...i just commented on another blog that i was going to look for my poster of michael in the yellow outfit and lo and behold, here it is! love it! i totally still like michael jackson and the old black guy trapped in my young white husband's body really likes him and as a result, my boys (who are 9, 5 and 3) can totally identify any michael jackson song that comes on the radio. poor mj (of my youth, of course, not the creepy one).

Cassie said...

LMAO! Way back in the olden days? Since when are the 80's the olden days? Damn.

vagiunta said...

I remember being little and putting on one white glove...
It's like my childhood died.
When they make the movie about his life are they gonna have a black guy play the young parts and a white guy play the older parts? That would be sweet. They should have, like, Ted Danson play him as the older MJ.

Candice said...

I agree with zsunshinemeg. You are totally going to croak.

Tell MJ I said "wus up?"

Logical Libby said...

My niece just told me she wants to have an 80's birhtday party. You know, because it's fun to dress up like the "old days."

Um, I still wear some of those clothes non-ironically. I mean, the ones I can fit into.

Houston said...

Cherry Pitt?

Is that Brad's sister?

I am so confused.

adrienne said...

miss y von!

i just found your blog, and i have to say...

i'm the luckiest girl in the world, i'm the luckiest girl in the world, i'm the luckiest girl in the world...

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I have never in my life eaten a cherry, just because of that movie.

Also, after watching WoE, I thought that all you had to do to have awesome hair was to be a sexy devil slut. Turns out it has something to do with proper nutrition and maintenance. Boy was my face red! *slide whistle*

Last, on cable the other night: Witches of Breastwick. My review: Not enough breast. Thumbs down.

Larew said...

Personally, I think Little Michael (as I've always called him) probably swallowed a cherry pit when he was 11 and that's what caused his bizarre change in both appearance and behavior. It may take awhile (because cherry trees grow slower than watermelons) but sooner or later it catches up with you. So watch out!

Sincerely,
Cat Lady

Kurt said...

HAHAHA! Kids say the darndest things!!!

That's because they are pretty much all assholes.True Story.

Dana's Brain said...

I'm not sure what to comment on:
Me immediately thinking of that scene in The Witches of Eastwick when you mentioned cherry pits.

Missing the good MJ, not the freakazoid one.

Or your kid who just made me feel old.

Aw, forget it.

Lulu said...

Maybe you'll just get your cherry back...Bonus, Captain Carl!!

And ummm...after posting that, I can't say anything about MJ. Except, are his kids named Prince, Prince and Blanket?

Betsey Booms said...

I had the exact same mutha fuckin poster!

That's all.

evilcookieofdo0m said...

*sigh* No, don't worry. In fact, seeds are meant to be eaten. It is the whole reason they are grown inside fruit. It is something called internal seed dispersal.
Let's say that a deer comes along, and in this example, eats a cherry off a tree. The deer, not knowing if or when it's next meal will be, will eat the entire fruit, seed and all. Once the deer had eaten it's fill, it will move on, away from the cherry tree. Since the seed coat, or 'skin' of the seed normally cannot be digested, it will simply pass through the deers system. It's likely that the deer is no longer near the cherry tree when it excretes the seed, so the original cherry tree does not have to compete for resources. This applies to all fruit and the animals that eat them, including humans.
So, to answer your question, you're likely to just crap out a whole seed,if it didn't digest before hand. The old wives' tale about a seed growing in your belly is to discourage children of eating seeds, because some, like apples, can cause humans to feel ill.