Monday, June 25, 2012

The Fine Line Between Being Hilarious And Being A Grandmother

Texting with the Kiddo...

Kiddo:  Hey the deposit came through today.  Thank you thank you thank you!
Me:  G
Me:  Damn it, that was supposed say "Good".
Kiddo:  I've already made $215 at KFC, but I won't get it until the next paycheck.  :-(
Me:  When does the next paycheck come?
Kiddo:  Not for two more weeks.
Me:  Has Bunny found a job yet?

Side note...I forgot to tell you guys that he got back together with Bunny on account of how she followed him and enrolled at his college and I'm not sure what the sequence of events was after that except that I suppose at one point his penis accidentally fell into her vagina and now they are living together over the summer in a house 6 miles from campus with a Mexican guy named Geronimo.  I'm not even kidding.  And yes, I will go into more detail about Geronimo, but not today.  Blogging 101, dudes...always keep them wanting more. 

So.  Anyway...

Me:  Has Bunny found a job yet?
Kiddo:  Yes, she works at KFC too.
Me:  So y'all work together.  Awwww, so cute.
Kiddo:  Yup.  Pretty damn lucky and convenient.
Me:  Y'all might as well just go ahead and get married and start having babies.

*phone silence*

Me:  I'M KIDDING.

*longer phone silence*

Me:  You know, because that would be ridiculous and I'm just being hilarious over here.

*more phone silence*

Me:  Ok, your silence makes me think you already ARE having babies and are just trying to find a way to tell me so that I don't totally freak out and have a panic attack and OMG HOW AM I GOING TO TELL YOUR FATHER I'M TOO YOUNG TO BE A GRANDMOTHER!!!!

*still more phone silence*

Me:  Stop smoking that bowl/having sex and answer your stepmother before she passes out!

*more mother fucking phone silence*

Me:  I swear to all that is good and holy that if you do not answer me RIGHT NOW I WILL DRIVE DOWN THERE AND CUT YOUR PRIVATE PARTS OFF.
Kiddo:  Calm down, I was in the bathroom.  And may I just say oh hellllllll no to babies.
Me:  Oh.  Okay.
Me:  That was totally hilarious, right?  Me pretending to freak out.  heh heh
Kiddo:  Right.  Pretending.

So.  Guess who's getting a box full of condoms sent to him tomorrow?


36 comments:

Anonymous said...

THAT is hysterical!

The garage behind us has "I love a guy's name" written in spray paint. I think of you every time I drive by.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

THAT IS AWESOME!!!!! When my friend's son left for college, she packed a huge box of condoms in his luggage and attached a note that read, "Every Single Time"!!

I'm Katie. said...

I was freaking out from blog post title all the way to the bottom. Send them some spermicide and an IUD while you're at it!

A Kitchen Witch said...

Yep. They're trying to kill us off by heart attacks, them teens.

Mrs BC said...

He left the phone hanging while he went to the bathroom? Cut his privates off anyway!
x

Unknown said...

Will one box of condoms be enough? I mean if his penis just falls into her vagina......

Venom said...

Hee hee, yeah, pretended to freak out. Yeah.

There is no substitute for parental vigilence, lest it turn in to grand-parental attention.

I like his "oh hells no" answer though, and I'd feel reassured by that except for one thing -- that girl is relentless.

Tots said...

How about a coupon for a vasectomy? :)

Gorilla Bananas said...

Would being a grandmother have been so bad? They could have asked Colonel Sanders to be the Godfather.

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Kelly Fox said...

Those wily penises! Always managing to trip and fall 'conveniently' near an open vagina! just tsk!

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Beth said...

Hell, I felt my heart racing as I was reading and it's not even my kid! Glad nobody's knocked up!

She Said said...

Hooray for condoms!

WHERE are you? Your Internet silence is freaking ME out!

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