Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Breaking Up Is (Kind Of Not Really) Hard To Do

Update on the teenage love drama from last week:

The Kiddo broke up with Bunny.

Two days later, he came home with three hickeys on his neck.

From a girl who is not Bunny.

We made jokes about how deeply in love he must have been to have waited a whole 48 hours before messing around with someone else.

He pretended to be offended.

Until another girl texted him.

Then he asked if he could go out for awhile to “do stuff”.

In conclusion:

My son is a slut.

I need a good resource for bulk condom orders.

25 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

Your son is not only a slut...but my hero as well.

Feel free to sing that song to him on my behalf.

On a related note: my word verification is "Slyrat."

I think that's appropriate.

MommyLovesStilettos said...

Reminds me of my little brother (he's 26 now). when he was about 14 my mom started putting condoms in his easter basket and in his stocking at christmas. it was the best way for her to make sure he was stocked up. LOL

One Blonde Girl said...

This reminds me of my nephew, who is {gasp} 14. He recently broke-up with his girlfriend (they were madly in love, btw, at least, according to MySpace and Facebook) for a girl who will "do anything" to make boys like her. My sister is freaking out. I think I might recommend she follow in MommyLovesStilettos' mom's footsteps.

Tristachio said...

Do you know what makes this fact even sweeter? That you are Bunny's facebook friend and now will be bombarded with her wall posts and statuses about how your slut of a son ruined her life and how she will never "love anyone as much as she loved The Kiddo for everty ever again!" and it'd be all awkward because like, you can't thumbs up on her pain to show your solidarity to The Kiddo so you kind of just sit there and look confused.

Or, you could start some type of gurilla warfare by posting on her wall how big of a slut your son is and then sit back and watch as she starts burning things on your lawn because, seemingly, according to the new 90210 that's how teenagers try to show their love and devotion to their ex. By burning things. On their lawn. And then going batshit crazy in a trainstation.

Also, my word verification is "shump" and I'm pretty sure that's a slutty hump. Full of herpes.

Sarah P said...

Please. We need more than this. Late night calls from Bunny? Bunny leaving love notes on his car?

My m-i-l once sent (along with Doritos and Gatorade and cookies) an economy pack of condoms in teenage hubby's bag to take to the beach with him. Four guys, three days, 128 condoms. His reaction: "What in the name of God did she think we could get done in three days?" (They made a lot of water balloons.)

nova said...

hahahaha! Oh man, he's a player! I like the idea of just giving him condoms on every birthday/christmas/etc.

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

I'm assuming you've given him the safe-sex talk. But you've obviously made a huge mistake by not letting him know how ridiculous hickies are. I mean. ICKIE is in the word.
For shame, MAMA.

bikramyogachick said...

Oh boy. You better unfriend Bunny quick before you have to read her broken heart wall postings....

Little Ms Blogger said...

I believe the proper term is "man whore"

Logical Libby said...

Condoms and concealer. Hickeys are taaacky.

Heather said...

Hahahahahaha! Kiddo the Man Whore! Poor poor pitiful Bunny.

The health department where I live gives condoms away in little baggies like halloween candy...

Megs said...

You're cats are okay, right?

Because "Bunny" strikes me as the Fatal Attraction type.

She Said said...

Hey, kudos to him for breaking up with her first. That's a mark in the integrity column. Even if he is a slut.

Nina Patricia @ The Adventures of Nina Patricia said...

Tristachio comment is so right. Please make sure you let us know how she is venting thru Facebook.
I will get a box of condoms and spell SAFE with them on the table before dinner...just in case.

Lock the cats, have maze (spelling?) around...I forsee this getting ugly... LUCKY US!

Tony Spunk said...

Hey the kid sounds like me when I was his age. And that can only mean he will grow up to be truly awesome and a groovy guy with a handsome mustache and a party in his leather pants. That's good, right? Sure it is. Tell him to call uncle Tony at 1-800-YES-FUCK. Wink!

Living Shallow, Living Well said...

Ah, young love. Full of hope and hickeys. I remember getting some stares in high school from a few teachers when I walked around with them on my neck- the coverstick makeup I used never quite worked.

Houston said...

Well I think you need to make it more awkward. Buy him a bulk of condoms. You are a responsible mother after all.

Just make sure to buy these. http://www.ripnroll.com/iron-grip-condoms.htm

Didactic Pirate said...

Omg, this is all just like 90210, when Dylan and Brenda broke up after she was all upset, and THEN he screwed around with Kelly behind her back right when before she and Brandon secretly hooked it up after...
......ok, I don't actually remember the details. I just wanted to go old school for a minute.

Joanna Jenkins said...

48 hours. Wow, he must have been broken-hearted.
:-)

Jules said...

He OBVIOUSLY needed someone to help take away the pain.... You can be sooooo not understanding at times.....

By the way, I moved. Come see me. I miss you.
http://www.meangirlgarage.com/

Soda and Candy said...

Man, teenagers are assholes.

Still, please do repost FaceBook dramas as & when. kthx
; )

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Good for him! I hope Bunny saw the hickey!

Hugs!!

joeygirl said...

time doesn't heal a broken heart; a new person to play with does that a lot better.
your son is way ahead of the game.

Kurt said...

Hickey are like Henna Tattoos of Love.

Unless they're on your mom... Those are probably track marks.

You totally missed me. Shut up.

just making my way said...

Oh god, hickeys are still around? Can't those ever go out of style?! I had a kid show up for a job interview once with several large hickeys on his neck. Needless to say, he did not get the job.

Did you give him a condom gift basket for graduation?