Remember when I blogged about how texting has replaced note passing for teenagers? I should have also mentioned facebook in that post, because I forgot how it’s pretty much an extension of a teenager’s text life. My boy’s girlfriend, Bunny, friend requested me (or however you crazy kids say that) on facebook back when they were first dating. I was shocked, I was awed, I was gleefully rubbing my hands together. Because hello? you just gave me access to everything you write on my son’s page. Color me excited!
I’ve managed to refrain from blogging about all cutesy little things she’s written about the Kiddo despite my urge to do so. Especially the “you’re so sexy” ones and the ones that said things like “last night was amazing, I am soooo in love” because gross. Until now. Because last night Bunny passed right by cutesy and went straight into “things you write that your boyfriend’s parents should never ever read”. Now, I won’t quote everything she said because I’m not a total douchebag. But I am a sort of douchebag, so here’s the gist.
Bunny > Kiddo: I don’t care who reads this, everything about you is my love. You are the reason I get up in the morning, the reason I brush my hair, the reason I wear perfume. I will always love you no matter what, you’re the one.
Believe me, ya’ll. It went on and on and on and on to the point that I started to feel really uncomfortable and guilty, like I was reading Bunny’s diary. Seriously...the reason she brushes her hair??? It was hard to believe she was referring to my boy, who still has to be reminded to not wear the same socks and underwear that he wore the day before. Because that boy? So not ready to be loved like that. He’s just not what you’d call “mature” or “adult” or “not a tool” yet. He needs a couple or 10 years to be worthy of that kind of romantic devotion. I thought about clicking the “like” button and then leaving a comment like “Awww, I’m glad you like my baby boy. It’s too bad he only brushes his teeth a couple times a week, huh?” But I didn’t because I have amazing self-control. And because I’d prefer my son to be talking to me when he graduates this weekend.
There is just nothing like teenage love, eh? So sweet, so incredibly stupid. I want to grab Bunny by the shoulders and give her a good, healthy shake and tell her that, as awesome as the Kiddo is, he is probably not “the one”. Because I happen to know he’s planning on breaking up with her on Monday so that he can be “free for my last summer before college” which to me means “screw around with Bunny’s best friend, whom he dated before her and still has a thing for”. And the worst part is that she also knows about this plan, because he told her about his intentions two months ago. And yet? She didn't dump his ass right then and is instead writing sappy love notes on facebook for all the interwebs to see.
P.S. I just went back and read it again and one of the Kiddo's friends left the comment "puke". Teenage boys are awesome. And by "awesome" I mean "total assholes".
Have a Merry, Perimenopause!
3 months ago