School Fundraisers Suck

Every year.

Every flinging flanging year my kid comes home with the dreaded school fundraising materials. And because I refuse to let my child pimp himself out by knocking on strangers doors, it's up to me to sell it. Yes, that's right Mom and Dad! Time again to beg your friends and co-workers to buy some overpriced crap out of a catalog in order to "raise funds for my child's band/senior/history class trip". Seriously dudes, could the shit they put in these catalogs be any more lame?

I mean, who doesn't want to pay $17.5o for this?

That's a plastic pizza cutter, by the way. And it really is one of the things in my kid's fundraiser catalog this year. Which is totally sweet, because these things? Are. The. Shit. Seriously, this pizza cutter is a Papa Johns prep cook's wet dream.

Watch out...this is where the sarcasm really gets good.

Attention nazi fundraising company that only gives my kid 40% of the funds he raises selling this garbage! Prepare to have your collective minds blown when my kid turns in his order form. You probably don't even have enough of these pizza cutters in stock to cover all his orders.

Oh, and don't forget to send him his totally awesome and absolutely age-appropriate prize for selling over 50 items...I'm pretty sure he's going to pick the oversized American Idol ballpoint pen, so box it up and get ready to ship it. Only 48 more orders and that bitch is ours.

Now doesn't that look like something every 16 year old boy wants? Yeah, it makes pimping out your parents totally worth it.