Thursday, November 11, 2010

Being A Hero Is Exhausting

On the phone with Captain Carl:

Me: Uh oh.
Him: What?
Me: The lady across the parking lot is taking her clothes into the dry cleaners and she dropped a shirt behind her car.
Him: That sucks.
Me: *knocking on window* Hey! Lady! Your shirt!
Him: Aren’t you on the second floor?
Me: Yes.
Him: And like, 50 yards away from the other side of the parking lot?
Me: So? Maybe she’d hear me banging and look back and notice her shirt.
Him: Did she?
Me: No.
Him: Bummer.

*silence*

Me: I hope she sees it when she comes out.
Him: She probably won’t if it’s behind her car.
Me: I suppose I could walk down there and take it into the dry cleaners if she doesn’t see it.
Him: That would be a very nice thing to do.

*silence*

Me: *sigh* That’s a really long way to walk.
Him: Annnddd there we go.
Me: What?
Him: I was just waiting for that last part.
Me: What? It’s all the way across the parking lot!
Him: But you’d do it. Because it’s the right thing to do. Right?
Me: *sigh* Yeah. Stupid lady and her stupid shirt, making me help her.

*silence*

Me: Ooh, here she comes. Come onnnn. Come onnnn! Look behind your car. Look! It’s right there! Don’t make me come down there! Oh thank God, she saw it.
Him: Yes, praise Jesus you didn’t have to walk across the parking lot to help someone.
Me: I know right? That was a close one. That lady didn’t even know how close she came to having me save her.
Him: Wow.
Me: No need to be in awe of me. I’m no hero or anything.
Him: You got that right.
Me: Shut up! I am sooo a hero!
Him: I’m pretty sure telling people that you’re hero doesn’t automatically make you one.
Me: Oh yeah? Well….your mom makes you one.

Boo ya. I showed him. I'm the queen of come backs. That's what she said.

17 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

You know, you always could have taken your car across the parking lot, too.

Depending on how far away you parked, obviously.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

as lazy as I am, I would have found the phone number for the dry cleaners and called them about the shirt...make them go outside and get it

Didactic Pirate said...

And Gotham City is saved again. Whew.

Megs said...

It is totally okay. I find that whenever I do that right thing, people treat me with a lot of suspicion, like it is somehow my fault that they needed me to save them.

Being a hero is waaaaay overrated.

diane said...

I'm with Bird Shit. (man, that just sounds bad)

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I found a car key in the street and hunted down (=turned around and chose between a Buick and a FedEx truck) the car it belonged to, and the car's owner who was looking for her key said to me in her broken English, "Oh, God bless you. God will BLESS YOU!" and I don't know if it was the Spanish accent or what but I've felt kind of holy ever since. This was 2 months ago.

I wish someone else would drop a key because I don't want to run out of holy.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

next time just eat some cheetos. i've noticed when i'm three chins deep in that little foil pouch, i'm too busy to save the world.

justmakingourway said...

Dude. I am in total awe of you! You should get a costume.

Tony Spunk said...

Substitute "shirt" for "panties" and I'd have walked across the state to give that lady her property back. Still I guess you being a chick and all, didn't have the same incentive as a horny old fuck like me. But you ma'am are a modern day hero. Having said that there was not enough talk about boobs or bending over in this post. Not that there's enough of that on Earth for old Tony, you dig?

Miss Yvonne said...

Moooooog35: I can't believe I didn't think of that myself. I need to bone up on how to be more lazy, clearly. Also, I said bone.

Bird Shit: Again, I can't believe I didn't think of that. I'm like, the unlaziest fat person ever.

Didactic Pirate: You're welcome.

Megs: I agree. I know this on account of all the hero-y things I do all day. Like, ummmm, not eat that last fudge bar in the house.

diane: I think you speak for all of us.

Steamy: Maybe you should kiss a priest or something. To stock up on holy. And also to give him a boner. That last thing is just extra points for when you go to heaven.

You're Lucky: Unfortunately, that was the one moment in the day I didn't have my face shoved down into some food package. Also, I said package.

justmakingourway: I concur. I'm thinking something in hot pink and also maybe a dry cleaning bag as a cape.

Tony Spunk: Did I forget to mention how my boobs popped out of my shirt when I was thinking about walking over to help her?

Logical Libby said...

It's not like the shirt was bleeding...

Fragrant Liar said...

See, the thing is, if you rescue somebody's shirt (like you were clearly going to do), you run the risk of being caught red-handed with her missing shirt and then accused of stealing it. This is why it's is much safer to simply step away from the window and go eat a Butterfinger at your desk.

Ed said...

They say it's the thought that counts.

Or does that just apply when giving gifts?

Eitherway, you were prepared to "gift" her with your heroism.

Now, you just need a cape. Made out of lazy.

Jules said...

You could have CALLED the cleaners if it was a REAL emergency too. Heroes sometimes do that. They put kids on tv for calling 911 when their parent goes down. Same thing.

Emily Suess said...

I'm just impressed you noticed! Knocking on the window and yelling makes you a hero in my book. Great blog.

Joanna Jenkins said...

i love your posts... and you get the best comments too!
xo jj

Sarah said...

This post made my morning. Incidentally, it's snowing today, there's no work and we 6 types of cereal in the house, so that's a pretty big compliment.
I stumbled across this blog by pressing 'next' at the top of the browser (ah, chance!), and even though I'm dont live in texas or have a house or a kid or hot running water (yup, I live in amsterdam..) and am more interested in rambling about socks than.. well, anything else, your blog is infinitely more interesting than the epidemice of 'style' blogs that litter this ol interweb!
Sarah
http://sockmyshoe.blogspot.com