Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Turns Out The Best Motel Room Forty Bucks Can Buy Doesn't Include A Working Toilet

Today's post was inspired by this week's writing prompt, hotel stories, over at Studio30+. Not a member? Well get your ass over there and join. Go ahead, I'll wait here...

_____________________

*phone rings*

Me: Hello?
Mom: Hi honey, just calling to let you know your dad and I got home from Arizona safely.
Me: Oh good! How was your drive?
Mom: It was fine. We were going to drive straight through, but decided to stop just over the Iowa border because we were tired.
Me: Mom, did you let dad pick the hotel this time?
Mom: Well, I would have but you know I can get a better deal than he can.
Me: Uh huh...
Mom: I spotted this motel from the highway...
Me: A motel mom? Not a hotel. A motel?
Mom: They had a sign that said rooms were $29.99!
Me: And?
Mom: Well, I went in and asked about a room and there was this Middle Eastern couple running it and you know how they talk. I could barely understand them. And the woman told me it would be $50, so I asked her what about the sign and she said that was for one person and it went up from there and I said, well how did you get from $29.99 to $50 for two people?
Me: Highway robbery!
Mom: Exactly! She said it was because of extra fees and what not. Well, I just waved my hand at her and said forget it and started walking out but then she said she could give it to us for $40. So I took it.
Me: How was the room?
Mom: It looked very clean.
Me: But?
Mom: Well, it's my own fault really. I should have listened to your dad and gone to the Super 8 instead. But I just don't see a reason to pay $75 for something I can get for $40.
Me: Mom, what was wrong with the room?
Mom: Well, the heater didn't work so we called the front desk and they sent their daughter up and thank goodness she spoke better English. She got it working, but it quit again so she brought us a space heater.
Me: A space heater.
Mom: Yes, and the shower didn't have any hot water. But the water in the sink was burning hot. So I took a whore's bath and you know how much I like my evening showers, so you know I'm not lying about the cold water.
Me: Well that sucks.
Mom: Oh, and the toilet didn't flush.
Me: At all?
Mom: No.
Me: Ohmygod mom, why didn't you ask for a different room?
Mom: Well, it did flush, but only if your dad reached into the tank and fiddled with it. Your dad said if he had a nickel for every motel room toilet he's had to fix, he'd be a millionaire.
Me: So you didn't switch rooms?
Mom: Well no, it was after 10pm and I wasn't going to bother with it.
Me: Wow.
Mom: But the next morning I was so mad about it, I marched right in that office and gave the man a piece of my mind.
Me: Was he sorry?
Mom: No! He kept yelling "We give you good room! We give you good room!" and finally I yelled back "Yeah, you give me good room! In Iraq!"
Me: You didn't.
Mom: Well, I was angry. He had it coming.
Me: Did you get a refund then?
Mom: No, he wouldn't give me one. So I told him I was going to contact their local chamber of commerce and let them know what kind of business they were running there.
Me: That'll teach him.
Mom: I've been working on my letter all day.
Me: Make sure you include the part about Iraq. That's good stuff right there.
Mom: I forgot to tell you the hangers in the closet were dusty.
Me: Well, at least you saved $10.
Mom: That's exactly what I told your dad! That man thinks money grows on trees. Honestly.

12 comments:

Brandy Rose said...

I love how she continues to believe she got a better deal lol.

Fragrant Liar said...

I'm concerned about your mom taking a whore's bath. She didn't catch anything, did she?

Eva Gallant said...

Love it!

Moooooog35 said...

If Super 8 would have been a step up, I shudder at the thought.

Ed said...

Surprised they didn't find a dead hooker under the bed.




That's usually where I leave mine.

Alison@Mama Wants This said...

Too funny!! I would love to see the letter your mom was working on :)

Brahm (alfred lives here) said...

Whaaaat? You mean money doesnt grow on trees? Then what are those funky green plants my husband keeps hiding away... oh, wait a sec...

mizzbrizz said...

That is HYSTERICAL!

Nicole said...

I think I fell a little in love with your mom just now.

otherworldlyone said...

A whore's bath.

You can't make that shit up. No you can't.

Hilarious.

bikinfool said...

Must be the same family that ran a Knights Inn in Bluefield WV about 10 years ago. Never again . . .

DevilsHeaven said...

SWEET LORD. That is great. I agree I would love to see her final letter!
She should have told him he's a shame and embarrassment to his family that might have gotten her a refund.