So I haven't been blogging. Because I'm super important and very busy at my new job. And also because I have to limit my typing on account of all the carpal tunnel I'm developing at the office.
See, the problem is my chair. Best I can tell, it's been around since bell bottoms were in style the first time. The arms are all scratched up and the seat is basically a piece of wood covered in something that probably once resembled some kind of fabric. My left butt cheek is completely numb by the time 5pm rolls around each day. One of the wheels falls off. A lot. I will be rolling one way or the other and suddenly I've got a gangsta lean and my wheel has shot across the room and into the next cubicle and the guy that sits there picks it up and is all "Lose something??" and I'm all "Hahahaa that was just as funny as the last six times you said it, Greg!" and he's all "Ahhhahhaaa, I'm hilarious right?" and I'm all "Hey Greg, adouchebagsayswhat?" and he's all "What?" and I'm all "Exactly. Now give me my goddamn wheel."
But the worst part about this chair? The height adjustment lever is broken, leaving me sitting dangerously close to the floor and typing with my elbows up by my ears. I'm pretty sure this is a direct OSHA violation. I shouldn't have to look up at a 90 degree angle to see my computer screen. And I'm pretty sure my mouth is not supposed to be at the same level as my desktop.
Dudes, seriously. This company is small, but they build expensive things. I have a Windows 7 Professional computer with a screen as large as my Taurus windshield. It's weird that I can't get a new $40 office chair. Our office is located in an upscale neighborhood where Dallas Cowboys football players live, but there are no tape dispensers or black pens anywhere in the place. We have security cameras and a glass and marble reception area with black metal folding chairs for our vendors to sit on while they wait (on camera) for their meetings.
Oh, and we can't wear jeans on Fridays and I'm not allowed to leave at the end of the day if anyone else is walking out already. I have to wait a few minutes so that I don't seem "too eager to go home". For reals, yo.
These bitches better keep up with the free Diet cokes or I am so out of there.
On Becoming My Grandmother
2 weeks ago