Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Too Much Sexy

Is it just me, or is that dude in the red bandana super hot?

Me: *blow drying hair* Good morning!

Captain Carl: *blinking* Mmmhhmmm...

Me: Still sleepy?

Captain Carl: *yawning*

Me: Come here, you.

Captain Carl: What?

Me: Just get over here. *slaps ass* You're looking sexy this morning.

Captain Carl: Seriously? *peers at self in mirror* I still have cpap mask marks on my face.

Me: I know. Rawr!

Captain Carl: *staring* Are you okay?

Me: Oh yeah, baby. I'm more than okay. *sexy eyebrow waggle*

Captain Carl: Wait, what day is it?

Me: It's Wednesday. And you know what that means...

Captain Carl: Ummm...

Me: It's time for business time.

Captain Carl: You're quoting Flight of the Conchords? At 6:30 in the morning?

Me: You know it. Check this out. *jumps up and down* Huh? *looks down at chest* Daddy like?

Captain Carl: You got your period this morning, didn't you.

Me: *stops jumping* No.

Captain Carl: Yes.

Me: Did not!

Captain Carl: You did. I know because you always get horny when it starts.

Me: What? Shut up, I do not.

Captain Carl: *raises eyebrows*

Me: Fine. Whatever. You just killed my sex buzz.

Captain Carl: Every month.

Me: Blah blah blah. Go away, buzz killer.

Captain Carl: I'll make you a smoothie for breakfast.

Me: Could you do it shirtless?

Captain Carl: No.

Me: And maybe wear those jeans I like?

Captain Carl: No.

Me: Come on! I have cramps. Be nice to me!

Captain Carl: No.

Me: Maybe just flash me some nip out the window when I leave for work then?

Captain Carl: Fine, but just one.

And he totally did it, y'all. The man gets me. Kind of scary, huh?


Moooooog35 said...

Nothing starts my day better than reading about a woman starting her period before my first coffee.

Please note the sarcasm.

Ed said...

Never offer a man a ride on the red wings express first thing in the morning.

FYI: The smoothie means he was still considering it.

kate said...

This improved my grouchy pre-work wake-up so much. <3.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

You dirty beast! :) I never get the 'horny during the turning of the Red Sea' thing. I couldn't be less horny while I'm crampy, irritated and my boobs feel like they're being smashed with a sledgehammer. But I'm pleased YOU'RE representing at least.

Also, there's no wrong time for Flight of the Concords jokes. And I sing that song regularly. To myself. In the mirror. While stroking my nipples. "It's BIIIIIZNESS tiiiime!"

diane said...

Honey, I love your honesty. It's the rock/foundation that your blog rests on.
Love Paul Reuben, btw.

KimmieT said...

I'm totally in love with you humor!

Megs said...

See, I'm that way about 3 days BEFORE the crimson tide, but once it starts I do not even want my husband to THINK about my boobs because they hurt so much.

Sarah P said...

Who doesn't quote Flight of the Conchords at 6:30 in the morning is what I want to know. And also I want to know why Captain Carl is such a fucking prude.

Sarah P said...

Oh. And your line should have been, "I got a smoothie for ya."

Didactic Pirate said...

That's the most romantic story I have ever heard in my entire life. You guys are like a Merchant Ivory movie.

Nina Patricia @ The Adventures of Nina Patricia said...

FinallY!!!!! Another woman that gets the sexy mojo when Aunt Flo comes to visit!
Yeah, totally digging the nip.

Untypically Jia said...

Dude . . . . the nip comment had me rolling!

Jenna said...

You totally know that's a chick in the red bandanna, right? :)~

Toe said...

Ha, I have to remember this strategy in the future to get smoothies made for me and some nip action!

Anonymous said...

Sexy time!!! RAWR!

otherworldlyone said...

You're so perfect it's scary.

plo said...

You two are definately soul mates. Hey, that guy in the bandana is not a guy...I love you Pee Wee!

Wupppy said...

*I* so get that first day "itch" ! I just never get a smoothie, you lucky girl.totally hilarious!