Today is my birthday. I turned 37 years old. And I am broke. And have a job I don't really like. And there is a man who is currently dating a psychic that is renting one of my bedrooms. Also I'm fat.
Hooray! My life is awesome!
*sings theme from Mary Tyler Moore Show*
*throws hat in the air*
*does armpit fart*
I really am in a good mood today though, despite all that shit I listed up there. You know why? Because it is only 12:30pm and I've already got like 28 happy birthday messages on facebook. Yes! Thank you facebook for validating my birth!
I'm also in a good mood because I planned a surprise birthday party for Captain Carl last Saturday night and I totally pulled it off. And it totally made him all happy faced, so now I can hold that over his head the rest of the year every time he doesn't do what I want.
Captain Carl asked me where I wanted him to take me for my birthday dinner tonight. I told him I didn't want to go out.
Him: Are you sure? I'll take you wherever you want.
Me: Nah, I'd rather just come home from work and be at home in my pj's.
Him: Okay well, what do you want me to cook for you then?
Him: Whatever you want.
Me: I want french toast.
Him: French toast?
Him: You want french toast for your birthday dinner?
Him: Are you being serious?
Me: Yes. Ohmygod I looooovvvveee french toast. So hard.
Him: Okay, french toast it is.
Me: And bacon!
Him: Okay, so breakfast for dinner.
Ohmygod, I love breakfast for dinner, y'all. The only thing I eat when Captain Carl is out of town for work is cereal and peanut butter toast. Case in point, this conversation literally just took place over the phone.
Him: Hey birthday girl.
Me: Hi! It is sooo totally my birthday today.
Him: So I'm on my way to the store to get the stuff for your french toast. Do you need me to pick up anything for the rest of the week since I will be out of town?
Me: Oh yeah, hmmm let me think...
Him: What do you want to cook while I'm gone?
Me: Just get me some cereal and milk.
Him: *brief silence* What?
Me: That's all I eat when you are gone.
Him: Are you a college student or something?
Me: I can't cook, I love breakfast for dinner. Done deal.
Him: Okay, what kind of cereal?
Me: Honey Bunches of Oats.
Him: At least you didn't say Fruit Loops or Cookie Crisp.
Me: Oooh, Cookie Crisp!
Him: You are a college student.
Me: Your mom's a college student. So the girls at work took me out for a birthday lunch.
Him: That's nice.
Me: Yeah. I was a little worried that you were going to show up while I was gone to surprise me for lunch.
Him: I thought about it but wasn't sure what your plans were.
Me: And then I thought you'd probably just send me surprise flowers instead. Right??
Him: I was going to, but then I didn't because I knew you'd understand.
Me: Understand what?
Him: That I'm not gonna.
I'm trying really hard to be mad at him, but I keep thinking about that french toast he's making later and I just can't do it.
My birthday portrait. Only my bangs and glasses wanted to be in it.