Monday, February 22, 2010

The Scariest Snowman In The History Of Ever

So last week we had a snowstorm and every kid in town spent their day off from school making snowmen and snow forts and snowballs and such. My kid was no different. I really didn't expect him to get that excited about it though because he's 18 years old and nothing excites him. So I was a little surprised when he ran out the front door and started throwing snowballs at my office window.

Then it got quiet. Really really quiet. 15 minutes later, he ran back in and was all "Come meet Steve" and I was all "Ummm, what?" and he was all "Steve the Snowman."

I opened the front door and there stood the scariest fucking snowman I've ever seen.


Behold, Steve.



Now, Steve probably seemed a little scarier than he really was because it was dark outside and the Kiddo positioned him so that he looked like a creepy intruder about to invade either my home or my vagina.



The Kiddo: Creepy, huh?
Me: Totally.
The Kiddo: He's gonna scare the shit out of Renty in the morning.
Me: Omygod yes! Great idea! High five!

I'm a great parent, aren't I?

What?? You're supposed to encourage your children's creativity. That's what I was doing. Encouraging.


34 comments:

Mama Wheaton said...

Ftom a distance he wasn't that scary but when you got closer - yep that was scary! Cross your legs.

Moooooog35 said...

I can't turn away.

It's like it's peering into my very soul.

You know..if I had one.

The Shitty Astrologer said...

Great. When's the feature film coming...you shopping this one around yet?

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

And you've gotta love the name Steve. It's so ... snowmanly.

Sarah P said...

With a bleeding mouth and a poop-smeared waist, he came to eat your souls. (Stevey the Snowman)

diane said...

Those weird tombstone shaped things behind him really add to the creepyness. Wait.....wasn't he in a different spot? Lock your doors.

Logical Libby said...

Is he supposed to be bleeding?

miss. chief said...

aaaah! so creepy!!! I like him though.

Surfie said...

Wait, is that a tear-drop tattoo under his eye? Better watch your vajayjay AND your back, Ms. Yvonne!

Can't wait to hear about Renty's reaction. :)

Lindsay said...

Yeah - as the pictures get closer the creepiness increases. And the tombstone looking things in the background make it look like he's a gravedigger snowman... Creep-tastic.

Carolyn...Online said...

I think it's super creepy the way Steve was able to turn the sky yellow.

Kurt said...

I think Steve just winked at me. Creeper. That's your mom's job.

Cassie said...

Really, that is super creepy.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Holy crap. You weren't even kidding. If I saw that at the end of an alley I'd take a fast detour. After I'd squirted all over my pants and whimpered for a while. What he really needs is a big old Grim Reaper scythe...

The Yak said...

Reminds me a bit of Heath Ledger as The Joker. Thin veneer of fun/cute (clowns and happy snowmen) meets oncoming Mack truck of violent psychosis.

Soda and Candy said...

Aaaaahhh!!! Stalky the Snowman!

PS - You're pretty much the best mom ever.

Sacred Yoli said...

I like how you put it out there, that he may have threatened to invade hot box.
::shivers:: (literally)

kate said...

How does he go from making lovely, sweet, gigant-o-snow hearts in the snow to building terrifying, soul-sucking snow men??

Heather said...

Don't turn your back on it. Just a warning.

Princess Stupidhead said...

Can I borrow him after?

I need Steve to scare the condo board of directors.

BugginWord said...

Screw souls, I think he's peering into my vagina.

Amanda said...

OK, that's terrifying. And almost makes me miss snow. ALMOST.

Vel said...

Steve totally has guts hanging out of his left arm. Is that why he has a stick for an arm? The real deal got ripped off during the last break-in? I say grab the hair dryer and an extension cord now while you've still got time.

BeckEye said...

Ew. I hope he's not related to Jack Frost.

Ed said...

The best part is that it looks like he used the snow that the dog had already shit in.


Now, the only thing missing is to give that snowman some snowballs.

j-face said...

maybe the funniest build up in a blog post i've ever experienced.

oh mama...

Megs said...

I am afraid to go to sleep. I'm pretty sure Steve is going to eat my soul while I dream.

Or I'll wake up in the middle of the night and a flash of lightning will reveal Steve standing silently at the end of my bed. Just...watching.

*shudder*

Laura said...

Great. Now I can add "Snowman rapist" to the list of things I'm afraid of.

Vic said...

I think he's handsome, in a serial-killer kind of way.

Edward scissorhand branches!

tee said...

I think we're all missing the point here. Steve is obviously an user, look at those cess-pool like scars! The real issue is heroine addicts are slowly moving into your neighborhood. Be on guard. Or you know, hope that it rains soon.

--T

Chris said...

Sometimes you almost make me wish I had kids. Almost.

otherworldlyone said...

Are those gaping holes for eyes and mouth?

I guarantee you there's a pervert just looking for an opportunity like that snowman.

Peggy said...

Is Steve, ya know, single??

Harna said...

Yes, that definitely is a gangly-fuck snowman. Andy the Jack Russell would growl and bark at it for hours. P.S. my word verification is beers...no joke. Even it knows it's Friday.