I got an email this morning from someone only going by "Mimi" who sent me a link to this awesome website. I don't know who you are Mimi, but I love you. I love you like Renty loves my cat...a little too much for "normal people" standards. Probably even a little bit more than that because you've never puked on my furniture. Yet.
I'm also a little bit afraid of you because of the line "you don't know me, but I read you" that you dropped at the end of your email. That's the kind of comment that leads up to emails that say "I loved your last blog, can you please send me a a couple pieces of your hair?" and "I told my mom about you and she thinks we are destined to be best friends. Then I cleaned the leaves off her tombstone and went home." and "LOL you are so awesome that I want to stab you in the face!". Mimi, please send me a heads up email if you decide to start hanging around outside my house with binoculars. Because I'll have to ask Becky to make room for your car. There's only so much space for parking in a cul de sac. Just sayin'.
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You're welcome. And don't worry about Becky. She and I just watched you type that. >:}
Remember you have to start worrying when you don't have a fan stalking you (referring to Will & Grace episode with Kevin Bacon when he repeats a Val Kilmer comment about stalkers).
Of course, if you haven't seen that episode my comment makes no sense.
" ... Then I cleaned the leaves off her tombstone and went home."
Hahaha!!
There is so much wrong with you that I adore so very much.
I don't have any stalkers, but I like to pretend I do so I walk aroung and constantly glance over my shoulders. Then the man is all "Dude, what are you looking for?" and I'm all "I have a stalker" and he's all "You wish" and then I'm like "Your mom!" and run off down the constipation medication isle.
I love you more than buttery biscuits.
You don't know me, but I read you too.
When I saw that you posted, I was getting ready to ask you for your finger nail clippings, but then I read this, and I was thinking, "Yikes! I don't want to scare her!"
But can I have your finger nail clippings?
That website is amazing...so many hours of work time spent looking a those trainwrecks. If you want a good laugh, look up the one of the huge penises arching over two guy mermaids giving each other handjobs...I'm pretty sure there might be unicorns and rainbows in there, too, but I can't be sure. That seems like it might be a little over the top.
Nothing says love like stalking.
You haven't arrived until you have your very own creepy blog stalker. I'm jealous. Can I borrow her?
I have no idea who's reading me unless they comment, it's a weird thing, isn't it?
Oh, there's plenty of room. I'm in a tent about thirty feet from your front door. Had to sell the car for Sun Chips and penicillin.
The lack of parking is why I have to park out back.
I'm thoughtful like that.
In a stalker sort of way.
Isn't that right Mom? *lovingly looks at the tombstone even though my Mom is alive and well and lives 900 miles away*
Screw that. I staked claim on my spot outside your house first. Mimi is just going to have to keep her sorry ass across the street. I didn't spend 2K on these binoculars for nothing.
PS I love you. You're my BFF.
I asked Harry Connick Jr. what he thought about his stalker having a stalker (stop looking at me like that, everyone knows that I can talk to Harry inside of my head) and he said that he doesn't mind sharing you if it's only for a little while. And then he asked me how my mom is doing and said he would come to see her soon, but I spilled some of her ashes out of the urn on my rush over to get a spot on your front lawn, so he said he would come see you instead and that if you don't hear from him, that you should just go ahead and walk into his house, he'll be waiting for you......yup, that's what he said.....in my head. Oh yeah, and he said don't forget the wire cutters, cause he installed a new fence after you scaled the last one.
I want a stalker. But only if they bring presents and do my bidding. You know, like a husband, only creepier.
Damn I never have any stalkers.
Can I have Mimi's address? I'd like to thank her for taking the heat off me as I fell out of that tree in your yard and totally smashed my high-end, Japanese binoculars.
P.S. Steamy has a flat. Sorry about that.
I don't know who Mimi is, but I like her. She can stalk me any day. I've been googling "bad tattoos" ( proof on my blog, even!) so..for her & you to lead me to that site..I'm forever grateful.
LMAO because that reminds me... we live in the same city and had rendezvous plans a while ago! And then I disappeared, but now... I have reappeared. Did ya miss me?! I know, I barely noticed, too.
Best stalker quotes ever.
I've used all of those in real life at least once.
That's all I'm gonna say about that.
p.s. Word verification is "hearse". The FUCK?!?! Wait, it actually goes with the post, so nevermind.
Doesn't having stalkers mean you're famous?
So when I was at work today I was looking at this website and thought of e-mailing it to you (because of the peewee thang) but then I was like "naah, that's too weird". I guess it wasn't.
In a couple of weeks you're going to find yourself in the bottom of the well hearing:
PUT THE LOTION IN THE BASKET!!
i know mimi. almost biblically. you should be very askeered...
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