WARNING: This post is way too long...feel free to skip it, but know this! It's pretty much the most awesome post I've ever written. So if you are okay with missing out on that, then that's cool. Loser.
So I was reading Happy Meals & Happy Hour today, and I left a comment on this post that got me to thinking...yeah, I know...scary.
I would consider my husband and myself fairly open-minded, forward thinking parents. We have rules for our 16 year old...rules he must always follow or he gets punished. We have a standard level his grades must be at all times, he has chores he must complete before any socializing can happen, etc. Pretty typical stuff, I would say.
But in a lot of ways I think we are different than some parents. What I mean is that we are always extremely open with him about life. We don't shelter him from reality, we try to make him aware of what is going on around him in our world. We tell him our honest opinion about things such as sex, birth control and religion. Hot topics for most parents are things we discuss without any qualms in our home. Our son knows his dad smoked weed sometimes when he was younger. Our son knows that we have become increasingly disillusioned with organized religion. Our son knows his parents have sex...often. Like rabbits. Really sexy rabbits. Ahem... the point is, we talk to our son about real shit.
Example: When the kiddo got his first girlfriend at 15, the Condom Fairy visited him pronto. For reals...the ACTUAL Condom Fairy (i.e. Captain Carl dressed in fairy wings and a blonde wig that I had from past Halloween costumes). CF and I snuck into the kiddo's room early one morning, and CF scattered condoms over his sleepy little head. Got it all on videotape too. We, of course, thought this was HIL-AR-I-OUS. The kiddo, not so much.
It was freaking genius and funny, but we did it because we are realists. By the time I was 15, I was doing the dirty in the backseat of my boyfriend's old Fury using the tried and true pull-out method of birth control. Captain Carl could probably have written a How-To-Score-With-Teenage-Sluts book by that age. Of course, we have preached abstinence and common sense to the kiddo from the moment I washed his first "alone-time towel" (parents of children under the age of 12...pay attention. No, your son will not suddenly develop a bladder infection that requires him to be in the bathroom 8 times a day. It's just puberty...roll with it.). But come on peeps, if you think your hormone-enraged teenager is going to actually listen to you then you, my friend, are delusional.
Yeah yeah yeah...I know there are some truly "good" kids out there. You might get one of those "good" kids, but let's do the math. Most of us were bad in at least one way...what are the odds your kid won't be? So we want him to be prepared in case he makes a decision we hope he doesn't make. Same thing goes with drugs, alcohol, driving drunk, getting married, douche-bag teachers, etc. The list goes on and on.
Anyhoo....most of the time I feel totally comfortable with our parenting style. It doesn't work for everyone...it probably will offend some people actually. But meh...whatever, our kid is awesome and he's going to be a fantastic grown-up someday, so I'm cool with that.
But there are some days when I wonder if we are just completely awful parents. Like the day I let the kiddo watch Team America when he was 12 years old because I had never seen it but knew it had puppets so how bad could it be? Yeah...ummmmmm, did you guys know there is a puppet sex scene in that movie??? Gah! Or the day just recently when I made these awesome cake balls for dessert and my son said, "I've got two balls" and Captain Carl responded with, "That's what she said" and then they laughed for about 5 minutes.
So yeah....leave me a comment and tell me what you think. Worst Parents in the World, or Wicked Awesome?
On Becoming My Grandmother
2 months ago