So the poor kiddo is totally freaking out about his all-region band solo tryout this Saturday. Yes, he's a cute little band nerd...I heart him. This is totally out of character for him though. He used to never get nervous before a competition or performance. But that changed last month when he was asked to play TAPS for the High School's Veteran's Day ceremony. So in front of the entire school, plus a huge crowd of veterans and parents, he marched out onto the football field alone. He raised his trumpet, took a breathe and began to play. And he messed up that one high note....you know the one that most trumpeters mess up because it's kind of high and the situation is usually a very emotional one. So he messed up a little and apparently several fucktards at his school told him he sucked. And he didn't say anything back to these jerks. Which is too bad, because I've spent most of my years with him teaching him the best comeback of all time. The only one you need when someone disses you. YO MAMA. A simple "Yo Mama Sucks" would have made him feel so much better. I think anyway.
Wow, I digress hardcore. So the kiddo is all nervous and bouncy last night. Captain Carl and I give him the standard "all you can do is your best and we will be proud of you no matter what" speech. Yeah, pretty much not buying it. So I'm trying to think of something that will help him relax and stop being so anal. That's what she said.
I've come up with the most awesomest plan ever. I'm going to get drunk tomorrow night while we put up the Christmas tree, and then I'm going to sing karaoke. Miss Yvonne's Drunk Karaoke night is super cool fun. Just ask my kiddo...he says he hates being in the house on drunk karaoke night, but I know he secretly loves it. Just like he secretly loves it when I pick him up after band practice wearing my pajamas and no bra.
Once drunk karaoke starts, the kiddo will totally forget about his upcoming performance. Yeah, I'm pretty much the most awesome stepmom ever. Either that, or I'm scarring him for life.
On Becoming My Grandmother
2 months ago