Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Dishwasher Is Not An Alligator

I'm saying this because apparently every man that lives in my house (three) is afraid of it. Because it's always full of either dirties or cleanies. And no one opens it except me. Because apparently I'm super brave and good looking and am the only one in the house who dares to open the alligator mouth and peer inside. And then after I peek in there and see that it is full of dirties? I *gasp* put soap in it and *holy shit* start a wash cycle. And even more amazing is how I *dammmnnn Gina* unload the dishes after they have been cleaned. Amazing. I'm like the Crocodile Hunter of dishwashers, except if a sting ray ever swam up to me in my kitchen, I would totally stab it in the face with a steak knife and twirl it around my head because that is how brave I am. Braver than the Crocodile Hunter. That was probably an insult to the Crocodile Hunter. Maybe I should apologize?

Crikey, g'day and sorry mate! A dingo stole your baby! Put another shrimp on the barbie!

I don't know, I'm not good at foreign relations.



p.s. Anyone notice how I used alligators and crocodiles in this post? I should win a bloggie award for best use of reptiles.

26 comments:

Kurt said...

That was good Australian Speaking back there. Your international reputation is super high right now.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Now doesn't THAT sound familiar. :)

I love loading the dishwasher. I'm perverted I know. I won't let anyone else do it. If my boyfriend attempts it I fly across the room on my broomstick and shoo him away. Because they are clueless about loading methodically and they always overload it or put things in without rinsing or otherwise balls it up somehow. However, come time to unload that sucker he can have at it. I hate unloading. Ugh.

There I've done it. I've officially written the most boring comment known to man.

Lindsay said...

This post just reminded me about how I loaded the dishwasher this morning before work, and forgot to run it. Hmmmmph.

Crikey!

Chris said...

Have you ever noticed if someone else ever actually does load the alligator everything is in the wrong place?! I believe in my household they do it on purpose because they know I won't insist they do it ever again. It sucks being perfect sometimes!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

0) Your mom is afraid of it.

1) Your mom is full of dirties.

2) Your mom is Daaamnn Gina.

3) Your mom twirls around the head.

Logical Libby said...

My husband isn't afraid to load it, or run it, but unloading it is really scary to him.

Vel said...

Ya know, you also mentioned a dingo, a baby and a shrimp. That's like five food groups...err...animal classifications. That *certainly* deserves and award!

kate said...

I came home last night and my husband was all, "I did laundry today!!" Apparently, "doing laundry" entails throwing his clothes in the dryer and taking my clothes (that HAD been in the dryer) and throwing them into a crumply pile on the floor.

Sarah P said...

You should fill it with those peanut-tin snakes and then tell one of them to put a bowl in there.

Aaaand vlog it.

P.T said...

Don't use a dishwasher but I like doing dishes instead of cooking.

Amanda said...

My husband is also afraid. I never knew why, but apparently mine also is an alligator. Thanks for the heads-up!

He also never washes out his dirty dishes -- just lays them in the sink. Any idea what that could mean? Water allergy? Sink snakes?

Ed Adams said...

Steamy totally called out your mom.

The only thing she forgot was:

Just like your house, Your Mom has three guys living in her.


I wash the dishes at our house. Because I'm an awesome husband, and my wife hates doing them, and I'm too cheap to spend money on a dishwasher. That's money I could use on hookers and crack.

Taylor-made Wife said...

Feel your pain. But I only have to deal with one scaredy cat. I might go crazy when I have more to deal with.

Hippo Brigade said...

doing the dishes blows

but being the Crocodile Hunter of dirty dishes is pretty rad

Harna said...

I'm deathly afraid of crocodiles and alligators which is why I'm not afraid to feed mine the soap, but my cleanies stay in there a loooooong time after they're done.

Jules said...

I wonder if you put alligators AND crocodiles together who would win. Or would they mate? You should try that in your bathtub.

Report back.

The Peach Tart said...

I want the male in my house to take over all dishwasher and clothes duties. He's an ass because he won't humor me like that.

Janine@Shelf Life said...

My husband is not afraid to open the dishwasher, and he even loads it with dirty dishes, but then he believes that faeries come in the middle of the night and they take them out and wash them by hand and then put them back in. So because of this belief he sees absolutely no reason to put soap in and turn the thing on.

So I do it. When he's not looking. Because you know how those faerie believers are...

Alex said...

Hi, I'm an Aussie.

Crikey! And all that...

Everyone in my house is scared of the laundry. Apparently blood sucking monsters live in there.

Moooooog35 said...

FYI, saw a preview that Croc Hunter's daughter, Bindy, is in a new 'Free Willy' movie.

You'd think that family would want to avoid water at this point.

THAT'S how you disrespect.

I'm not sure why I'm proud of that.

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

It's the same in my house: I'm the only person who goes near the thing! Loading and unloading.

Occasionally, I'll leave it a while to see if someone will crack.

Will the total lack of clean plates mean someone else will do the dishwasher for once?

No. It means we just run out of plates and I get dirty looks!

Josie said...

I am also afraid of the dishwasher. It just SMELLS weird. Like soap and last night's pad thai. Which is kind of how I imagine an alligator would smell.

It's just survival instinct, yo.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I hated unloading the dishwasher...hated it. Now my dishwasher is a handle that you fill with soap and it has a sponge on top!

My kids do the dishes more than I do these days.

Jugs@@

just making my way said...

I hate doing dishes. But I hate more watching my husband try to load the dishwasher. Cause, hello? I can fit way more stuff in there then he can. (Ha! TWSS)

Kim said...

You can tell when I am really sick because my husband starts picking up boxers and sniffing them to see if they are too dirty to wear again. Because, you know, the magic washing machine only opens if you have a vagina.

bikramyogachick said...

I think my teenage daughter is afraid of water. She tosses dirty silverware in the sink but is unable to rinse it off due to her fear of water. Not sure if she is afraid of the dishwasher or not, she doesn't make it that far.
This is especially fun if she ate eggs or just put peanut butter on something.