Friday, January 29, 2010

Turn On Your Heart Light And Also Your Nipples

Captain Carl: *sneezing*
Me: Bless you.
Captain Carl: *more sneezing*
Me: Wow, your nipples are really poking through your shirt right now.
Captain Carl: Every time I sneeze, they're like wapow!
Me: You could cut glass with those.
Captain Carl: wapow! wapow!

Me: Nice.
Captain Carl: I'm just turning on my heart lights for you, baby.
Me: Okay, Neil Diamond.
Captain Carl: *pinching nipples* ET phone home.
Me: What??.
Captain Carl: Elliot...ouchhhh.
Me: Seriously, you are fucked up.
Captain Carl: *whispering* Heart lights, baby.

20 comments:

Logical Libby said...

They say there's a lid for every pot. Even the fucked up ones.

At least they weren't your nipples.

Kurt said...

You know what's sexier than that?

That was a trick question. Nothing. That's what's sexier. You need to appreciate the gift that is Captain Carl. He's the Precious Moment© doll of erect nipples.

erin said...

The idea is that they SHOULD have been your nipples. Hot hard nipple action.

I read way to much porn. Or do I?

Soda and Candy said...

Owwww, cold nipples hurt!

Megs said...

The man knows his way around some romance. You must give him credit for that.

Lindsay said...

This blog reminded me of the bloody nipples episode from The Office. Wow.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Well who wants to be normal anyway? If a guy can't rejoice in his nipplage, what kind of man is he?

My nipples are why I never go braless in daylight hours. They're so well behaved all day when they're all comfy inside even the thinnest bra, but the second they're free they're all "WELL HI! HI THERE! YES YOU!" and poking out like little poky beacon things.

They frighten me.

diane said...

Wapow? Me thinks the Captain is a fan of Batman. Or maybe just the nipples on Batman's suit.

Mrs. Booms said...

You guys are truly a testament of true love.

And Neil Diamond's power to touch the world with his songs.

And he wears those shiny shirts to detract from his WAPOW nipples as well.

Ed Adams said...

Yes they are on, BUT can they cut glass? That is the real question that nobody wants answered.

Jules said...

All that Neil Diamond talk totally turned me off....

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

are they long enough AND hard enough that you could maybe....you know....safe sex?

just making my way said...

Wapow! is exactly the word I would use to describe nipple erection. It's perfect.

Richard @ The Bewildered Brit said...

Blimey, that was a lot of man-nipple for one post! :)

Tuesday Girl said...

Tune in Tokyo....

Tgoette said...

Great post! Has all the elements for a sure-fire winner: hard nipples, Neil Diamond and wapow wapow! A few more wapows and nipples and you could have a really good film!

LiLu said...

These are the moments.

No, really... I was being serious. They are.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Jugs@@

Sarah P said...

I picture Captain Carl's nipple heartlights like those annoying pointer lights. If he pointed them directly at your eyes, you'd be all, "OW, fucker! Stop that!" And he'd be all, "OK," but then he'd keep doing it.
And who could blame him? How awesome would it be to have laser light nipples?
Very.

I, Rodius said...

You are so not right. And it makes me giggle. Thanks for not-right giggles.