Thursday, March 25, 2010

Security Camera + Obscene Gesture = Awesome

Day 3 at my new job. I only accidentally walked into the conference room instead of the copy room twice today. Yesterday was five times. Hurrah for improvement!

I've already decided who I am going to hate the most there. She's in charge of office supplies and wears capris with tennis shoes and has a Martina Navratilova haircut and thinks she's the boss of everyone. But not me. No sir.

I
am an independent thinker.
I
am setting my own pace.
I
am totally going to piss her off on purpose.



My new company is so small, they don't have a receptionist. They have a receptionist's desk but no receptionist. They also have nowhere for me to sit until the office remodel is complete in two weeks. Guess who's sitting at the receptionist desk?

Lucky for them, I have a natural sweet and helpful manner that lends itself well to a reception area. Shut up, I totally do.

Also, there is a camera in the ceiling of the reception area that points directly at the back of my head and my computer monitor. And not only does my manager have a giant flat screen mounted in his office where he can watch my every move, but there is also one mounted in the general cubicle area for the entire office to view. Presumably so they can see when a customer walks in. But customers hardly ever come in, so mostly what they do is watch me type emails and file things and eat my sad little lunch at my desk while I read my sad little book. It's like being on a reality tv show, except with less fist fights and lesbians making out. My goal is to figure out new sneaky ways to flip everyone off. Today I used the old "head scratch with middle finger raised" technique. Classic.

24 comments:

Mama Wheaton said...

If there are no lesbians to kiss try practising on your arm? How about talking to yourself? Just trying to spice up your day, though I doubt you need help.

Logical Libby said...

Are you sure they aren't putting you through some sort of initiation? This sounds too "candid camera" to be true.

miss. chief said...

You might want to try the classic "hmm I'm just thinking really hard" move, where you press your middle finger up to your lips and frown a bit. Maybe while you're reading?

Or the "I have something in my eye" move.

Dang though, I would hate having a camera on me at all times. Although at work I pretend there is one when I'm working alone to keep myself motivated to do things and not just look at FailBlog all day long.

plo said...

Ha ha. I hate that tennis office supply bitch! Screw her! What kind of small company has all that surveilance, and a whole person in charge of office supply?

just making my way said...

So can your boss actually see what you have on your screen? Because I'm seeing a lot less blogging in your future if that is the case.

Sarah said...

THIS IS AWESOME! So much fun to be had.
GAW. Fucking with people at work is one of the main things I miss about being *at* work. I work from home now, so I mainly just fuck with myself.

Sarah said...

^^unnecessary F-bombs?^^

Sorry for that.

Kurt said...

You've got just the right can-do, self-starter attitude.Like a Viking or your Mom's vibrator.

Up TOP!!!

Tony said...

She wears capris?! What is it? 2004?!

As for the obscene gesture, if you were eating a sandwich or something, you should accidentally get mayo on the webbing between your pointer and middle finger and lick it off! Get it? That would be awesome, and you would get forty cool points!

Soda and Candy said...

Oh no, can the cameras see your computer screen? It squicks me out if anyone can see what I'm doing.

Jules said...

You should definitely use the "rubbing eye boogers out of your eye" with the middle finger technique.

YES! I hate her too.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

When you eat your lunch, you should turn your chair around to face the screen and only use your middle fingers to bring your food to your mouth, while staring blankly into the camera. Martina won't mess with you ever again, I bet.

Jules said...

P.S. I left you a lil' love on my blog.... Go get it before that bitch of a receptionist steals it!

The Vegetable Assassin said...

See this is where you and I differ, girlfriend. I'd be flashing my ass and farting into that screen at all possible moments, then proudly naming my farts ("This one is called 'The Violator'!") not to mention doing a great little choreographed dance number and moonwalking around reception calling people "honeypants".

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Congrats on your new job! I hope your office is painted your favorite color with posters of Pee Wee and Miss Yvonne all over it!

I'm on camera at work too! It is a weird feeling when every move is being watched. Have you tried scratching your temple with your middle finger yet? Just wondering!

Good luck with the Supplies Nazi! I'll bet you can take her, just make sure it's off camera!

Jugs@@

Wow, that was awkward said...

Just the finger, eh? That is a far cry from your usual antics when setting up the cam at home with the hub, right?

Toe said...

Middle Finger Nose Picking? It's gross and insulting at the same time.

mossum said...

Please o please o please obtain a copy of the surveillance video showing your most irreverent salutes to the boss and taunts to Martina Navrasupplynazi and post it on your blog! I'm with Sarah on this one - the possibilities are endless!

Salt said...

Hello...I just found you via Mean Girl Garage and you are hilarious. Congratulations on your progress with locating the copy room! :)

And I already hate Martina McOfficeSupply based on your description alone. I have a zero tolerance policy for bossy people with no fashion sense.

Moooooog35 said...

Just wait til you find out that your boss has a 'back of the head' fetish and what he's REALLY doing while he's checking out that monitor.

Just be glad this isn't in 4D.

Scarlett said...

Maybe you could stretch and just accidently extend your middle finger a little more than the others?

I hope you get a real desk and a chance to escape from reality job tv soon.

Living Shallow, Living Well said...

Love it. And there's no way for them to prove that you are actually flipping them off. Love it!

She Said said...

Wow. I had no idea I could laugh so hard and make a noodle come out of my nose and mouth at the same time. That's called Mental Floss, right? Now, thanks to you, I know it is possible.

(BTW, there is a nod to you on my site. :)

Kim said...

Oh, I heart you.