Captain Carl’s brother, Mailman Mike, hangs out with his girlfriend at an Irish pub at least 2-3 nights a week. They know the owner, the manager, the servers. They have a regular waitress who calls them at home to let them know what section she’s working so they will sit in it. Mike’s a big tipper. (twss) On Tuesday nights they have pub trivia. The Captain goes pretty much every Tuesday, but I attend only sporadically on account of working. And because I can’t stand to be out past 10pm on a weeknight. Because I’m 80 years old, apparently.
So I went last night and drank myself into oblivion! Yeah! Party! I’m an animal!
Not really. I drank three Diet Cokes. Because I needed to keep my wits about me to keep up with all the trivia geeks on our team. Seriously y’all. I suck at trivia and sitting at that table made me feel I had somehow teleported to a super-nerd conclave.
Name the three saints depicted on the Union Jack.
Which country has the highest elevation active volcano?
What was the name of Gollum’s sword in Lord of the Rings?
Which President stayed a bachelor his whole life?
What female swimmer successfully swam the something something big body of water something something something in 1950?
They knew the answers to all of them. I knew none of them. I mean, Gollum’s sword? Come on! I spent most of the night staring vaguely towards the ceiling with a contemplative look on my face, like each answer was totally on the tip of my tongue. And then when someone would whisper an answer I was all “Oh right! Yes! Of course!” and then nodded sagely. Fortunately for me, Renty came along so I was spared from being the dumbest person at the table. He spent most of the night smiling his joker smile and saying things like “Boo ya!” and “Straight up!” and “That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!” along with weird airport tarmac arm movements every time our team got a question right. He was either guiding a in a plane or signaling how awesome we were. He drank five beers, so it’s anybody’s guess.
But then? The worm turned, people.
Question: Which famous couple has children named Brooklyn and Cruise?
Everyone else: *blank stare*
Me: Soooo easy.
Everyone else: *scrunchy eyebrow face*
Me: Becks and Posh.
Everyone else: Wha??
Me: Oh come on. Posh? The Spice Girls? David Beckham?
Mailman Mike: Oh, the soccer player?
Me: Pssh. Smart people. Don’t you ever read OK magazine?
Question: Which 80’s Saturday morning show featured a cartoon character named Penny?
Captain Carl: I’ll just go ahead and let you answer this one.
Me: Oh it’s too much! I can’t believe we got this question.
Mike: I’m pretty sure it’s….
Me: *finger point* Don’t say it!!
Everyone else: *scared face*
Me: This one is mine! Mine!
Everyone else: *scooting chairs away from me*
And then it was Renty’s turn.
Question: Who sang the song “Bye Bye Baby” in 1975?
Renty: I’m pretty sure I know this one.
Captain Carl: The Bee Gees maybe?
Me: What about The Jackson 5?
Renty: Nope, it’s Bay City Rollers.
Super smart Asian girl who’s name I forgot: That doesn’t sound right.
Mike: The Jackson 5 would be my guess too.
Renty: No, no….I know this one.
Captain Carl: Okay, if you say so.
Answer: Bay City Rollers.
Renty: Holla!! *raising the roof*
Question: How many hearts does an octopus have?
Renty: *whispered yell* Three!!
Everyone else: *stare*
Mike: Are you sure?
Renty: Umm, yes absolutely.
White girl who really really loves Dr. Who: This could be a trick question.
Super smart Asian girl who’s name I forgot: Yeah, the answer is probably one.
Renty: Ummm, nope. No. It’s three.
Captain Carl: Well….
Mike: Sure why not. Let's go with it.
Dr. Who girl/Asian girl: *smart nerdy eye roll*
Renty: Oh yeah! Straight up, baby! My pants are on fire!
Renty: *joker smile*
So yeah, we totally won the game and Mailman Mike bought us a round to celebrate our nerdy dominance, Renty is coming to trivia night again next week and I totally cannot get that one Bay City Rollers song out of my head.
S-A-TUR-DAY *clap* Night!
On Becoming My Grandmother
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