Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Amazing Adventures Of The Super-Nerds

Captain Carl’s brother, Mailman Mike, hangs out with his girlfriend at an Irish pub at least 2-3 nights a week. They know the owner, the manager, the servers. They have a regular waitress who calls them at home to let them know what section she’s working so they will sit in it. Mike’s a big tipper. (twss) On Tuesday nights they have pub trivia. The Captain goes pretty much every Tuesday, but I attend only sporadically on account of working. And because I can’t stand to be out past 10pm on a weeknight. Because I’m 80 years old, apparently.

So I went last night and drank myself into oblivion! Yeah! Party! I’m an animal!

Not really. I drank three Diet Cokes. Because I needed to keep my wits about me to keep up with all the trivia geeks on our team. Seriously y’all. I suck at trivia and sitting at that table made me feel I had somehow teleported to a super-nerd conclave.

Name the three saints depicted on the Union Jack.
Which country has the highest elevation active volcano?
What was the name of Gollum’s sword in Lord of the Rings?
Which President stayed a bachelor his whole life?
What female swimmer successfully swam the something something big body of water something something something in 1950?

They knew the answers to all of them. I knew none of them. I mean, Gollum’s sword? Come on! I spent most of the night staring vaguely towards the ceiling with a contemplative look on my face, like each answer was totally on the tip of my tongue. And then when someone would whisper an answer I was all “Oh right! Yes! Of course!” and then nodded sagely. Fortunately for me, Renty came along so I was spared from being the dumbest person at the table. He spent most of the night smiling his joker smile and saying things like “Boo ya!” and “Straight up!” and “That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!” along with weird airport tarmac arm movements every time our team got a question right. He was either guiding a in a plane or signaling how awesome we were. He drank five beers, so it’s anybody’s guess.

But then? The worm turned, people.

Question: Which famous couple has children named Brooklyn and Cruise?
Me: Ohmygod!!!
Everyone else: *blank stare*
Me: Soooo easy.
Everyone else: *scrunchy eyebrow face*
Me: Becks and Posh.
Everyone else: Wha??
Me: Oh come on. Posh? The Spice Girls? David Beckham?
Mailman Mike: Oh, the soccer player?
Me: Pssh. Smart people. Don’t you ever read OK magazine?

Question: Which 80’s Saturday morning show featured a cartoon character named Penny?
Me: *gasp!*
Captain Carl: I’ll just go ahead and let you answer this one.
Me: Oh it’s too much! I can’t believe we got this question.
Mike: I’m pretty sure it’s….
Me: *finger point* Don’t say it!!
Everyone else: *scared face*
Me: This one is mine! Mine!
Everyone else: *scooting chairs away from me*

And then it was Renty’s turn.

Question: Who sang the song “Bye Bye Baby” in 1975?
Renty: I’m pretty sure I know this one.
Captain Carl: The Bee Gees maybe?
Me: What about The Jackson 5?
Renty: Nope, it’s Bay City Rollers.
Super smart Asian girl who’s name I forgot: That doesn’t sound right.
Mike: The Jackson 5 would be my guess too.
Renty: No, no….I know this one.
Captain Carl: Okay, if you say so.
Answer: Bay City Rollers.
Renty: Holla!! *raising the roof*

Question: How many hearts does an octopus have?
Renty: *whispered yell* Three!!
Everyone else: *stare*
Mike: Are you sure?
Renty: Umm, yes absolutely.
White girl who really really loves Dr. Who: This could be a trick question.
Super smart Asian girl who’s name I forgot: Yeah, the answer is probably one.
Renty: Ummm, nope. No. It’s three.
Captain Carl: Well….
Mike: Sure why not. Let's go with it.
Dr. Who girl/Asian girl: *smart nerdy eye roll*
Answer: Three.
Renty: Oh yeah! Straight up, baby! My pants are on fire!
Me: What?
Renty: *joker smile*

So yeah, we totally won the game and Mailman Mike bought us a round to celebrate our nerdy dominance, Renty is coming to trivia night again next week and I totally cannot get that one Bay City Rollers song out of my head.

S-A-TUR-DAY *clap* Night!

Damn it.

16 comments:

kate said...

DAMNIT, I love trivia. You can always tell, though, when the nerdy guy that hosts ours hasn't been laid in awhile because the questions get a whole lot harder. Forget "The Office" or "Name These Boobs" categories! Let's try stuff like 80's video game theme music and 70's tennis stars and random shit like that. Why doesn't he ever ask about Inspector Gadget when he's in a bad mood? I'd kill that category.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

Eff me. Now I'll be singing "Bye Bye Baby" all day long. WTF? Stupid catchy song.

I could totally do the Saints question but I am a Brit therefore, you know...it's not that hard.

I'd TOTALLLY have aced the Posh and Becks question too. I mean duh. Don't people KNOW what's important anymore in the world?

Beta Dad said...

I was in a punk band in the eighties and we covered "S-S-S-Saturday Ni-hight." I don't think I would have gotten any of those questions though. Were there any about eighties punk bands?

erin said...

I want to play trivia games at bars!!!

I don't get to leave the house, let alone play games that involve adults...thinking...and alcohol.

Find me a pub. Pronto.

Macht Shnell.

I'm breaking out my trivial pursuit tonight. I'll make the kids play with me. :) ha. Wouldn't it be funny if they all kicked my ass? Even the one that doesn't talk?

The Weekend Confectioner said...

Dear Miss Yvonne,

I just finished reading your entire blog. Holy crap.

[Try not to be too creeped out, I swear I'm not a stalker and if I am then I guess I'll have company with Steamy and the others]

Love,
TWC

p.s. captcha was guladwit. Hmmm.

Sarah P said...

I hate Trivia Night. It's always a bunch of a-holes complaining about the price of food and beverage, while they try to win money and make me feel like a dunce.
AND, one time, this chick tried to call me out for hating her for being in Mensa. WHICH? I didn't! She had me confused with someone else.
Plus? If you're in Mensa, it's a rule that you don't tell people, because it kind of makes you an asshole.
And then, my husband came once, and he's all charming and smart and sang all the words to "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," so then all my friends thought he was super awesome and I was still the dunce with no answers.
Fucking trivia.

Oh. Wait. This is the Trivia Game Complaint Forum, right? No? It's your blog? And I'm being an asshole again?

Sorry.

LiLu said...

I'm with you. The only trivia I ever know is pop culture, except for the fact that giraffe tongues are black.

But I learned that on Hey Dude... so I'm not sure even THAT counts.

The mad woman behind the blog said...

Dear Miss Yvonne,

You're my hero.

That is all,

Mad Woman

just making my way said...

My Dad is in a pretty serious trivia group. They meet on Tuesdays too, is that like a rule or something?
He watches "Cash Cab" on Discovery for like five hours every Tuesday afternoon so he can "prep". It's funny.

Little Girl Big Glasses said...

If only all trivia could be about 80s Saturday morning tv shows! Gah, I'd be the freakin president. Okay, vice president. You'd be the president. But I wonder, would they have also accepted Inspector Gadget as a correct answer? Silly nerds asking trick questions.

Just.Kate said...

HA. I think your friends are the dopplegangers to my friends. We have a white chick who loves Dr. Who, an Asian-ish guy, a Slav, a renter, and a boobalicious trivia retard (I'm pointing to myself). Creepy.

Up top! *waves in airplane*

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh. My. Gawd. That sounds like a VERY fun night. And Thank you, I will now be singing Bye Bye BAby for the rest of the day. Be happy you can't hear me ;-)
Cheers,
jj

cassienativebeauty said...

hahahaha! Here I go singing "Bye Bye Baby" while I do my mommy chores!

Carolyn...Online said...

What kind of dork knows what saints are depicted on the Union Jack? And what the hell is the Union Jack?

Tgoette said...

I love trivia! Unfortunately no wants to play with me because I have competitive issues.

And thanks for the Earworm, lady!

Now I have to drink scotch until it goes away!

As I said, thanks!

Weeping Sore said...

Your blog is better than contracting delusory parasitosis!