Friday, January 28, 2011

I'm Talking Sexy Talk In Here. I'm Also Talking Giveaway. And Laser Cats! Pew Pew! Also, One Of These Things Is Not True.

First of all, if you were hoping that I would be talking about laser cats in this post, you are about to be sorely disappointed, my sad sad friend.

Okay, so Valentine's Day is coming up soon. Women everywhere are fantasizing about what amazing presents they will get from their significant other. And men are...well, they aren't thinking about it at all and let's face it, they won't until maybe February 13 if you're lucky.

Because I'm a woman (hells yeah I am! *sensual self boob honk*), my thoughts have already gone to the place where even the most strong of men fear to tread. That's right, romance town. Oh, how I love romance town. It's that magical place where ladies come home from work to find a trail of rose petals to the bedroom, where their men are waiting with a bubble bath, candles, champagne and a ready-for-cunnilingus face and maybe there are some flowers there and rainbows with unicorns frolicking under them. Also, all the men are George Clooney.

But ladies, let's get real here. How can we expect our men to go all out in the romance department when a) they aren't built to remember to do shit like that and b) we don't usually reciprocate. And by "reciprocate", I mean "give up that kinky, hot, stinky sex they really really like but you only want to do every so often because that position makes your stomach all squishy and sometimes makes you fart for some reason, which is weird because who knew The Reverse Mambo would have that effect? "

And this is where my good friends at EdenFantasys come in. Pay attention. Go to this website. Go there now. Buy something sexy to wear, or something kinky to watch, or something penis-shaped to put in your box. Ha, that kind of rhymed. Watch and box. I'm awesome.

Seriously though, every relationship (especially long-term ones) can use a little spicing up. Don't feel comfortable with a dildo? Then maybe try a sexy outfit instead. Or order an erotic book and read to each other. And if you're single? Oh damn girl, please do yourself a favor and order a vibrator and then use it on Valentine's Day while watching George Clooney in that movie with the two chicks and he's on an airplane a lot and I think maybe he sleeps with one of the chicks or something? and then you can be all "I don't need no stinking man except to maybe open a pickle jar once in awhile and even then not really because I hate pickles!".

It'll be awesome, is what I'm saying.

Here's the other cool thing about EdenFantasys. They have this online community with reviews, forums and my favorite, Sexis, where you can find great articles about all kinds of sexy sex stuff and funny sex stuff and you get the idea. Plus The Bloggess writes there, so you know it has to be kick ass.

Just go over there and check it out, okay? Because something awesome is happening right here and you need to be familiar with their products...just in case you win.

That's right, I'm having a SEX TOY GIVEAWAY. Just like I promised. EdenFantasys has generously offered a $50 gift certificate to be used at their website for one winner here at Yo-Mama's Blog. Okay, so it isn't specifically a sex toy giveaway...I'm just assuming that is what you will pick to order with your gift certificate because that is exactly what I would do. And the giveaway isn't just for my sexy lady readers. I'm an equal opportunity sex toy giveaway-er, so you dudes hanging around here for the sensual boob honks should enter too.

Anyway, here's what you have to do to be eligible to win:
  1. Leave a comment here with the item you would buy at EdenFantasys if you win.
  2. Become a follower of Yo-Mama's Blog, if you aren't already.
To get a bonus entry, you can do one or both of the following:
  1. Mention my giveaway in a post on your own blog with a link to this post.
  2. Tweet about my giveaway with a link to this post.
Please let me know in the comments or via email if you have done one or both of the above for extra entries.

That's it. One winner will be chosen at random on Friday, February 4, to win the $50 EdenFantasys gift certificate.

Good luck, bitches!


32 comments:

Brandy said...

Hahahaha

No way Jose I'd post what I would buy but I can make soenthing up.

Black silicon double. Just to be freaky.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

We've been using "sensual boob honks" for a while now, I think it's time we crank it up to 11 and bring in a male counterpart: "Exuberant penis yanks." Let me know what you think, I'll be in my office.

Lazarus said...

Miss Yvonne, you are a bad influence on the children...but certainly an entertaining read for the adults! I went to EdenFantasys and the thing I'd order is the .... nah, can't risk it....

Dear Mason... said...

I'd buy a but plug... cause I love my husband.

.end transmission. said...

I'm in. I'll take a banana hammock. Black. To match my heart. Don't deliver, I'll pick it up in person.

Cookie Monster in Therapy said...

IN!!! I love how every one is so coy. Screw that shit. I want the tenacious bunny, cos apparently not only will that puppy (bunny) get you off, it's GREEN!!! I'm all about the environment baby. Call me Al's love child, or don't cos my dad may get pissed about that, but go green: environmental awareness all up in this shizz!! Plus, we've got enough kids. Manual stimulation is almost a necessity at this stage. No risk, no harm, no foul. Does honesty earn me an extra entry? No.... Shit, I laid it all out there too. Never mind.

Plus, my veri word is borrolin. I don't want to be borrolin any one else's tenacious b. Seriously.

Sarah P said...

I would order the double labia buzzer with authentic tongue-like action and turbo jets.

Pick me.

Eva Gallant said...

It's just too late for me!

Didactic Pirate said...

I gave you a blog award today, Your Supreme Awesomeness. If your mantle's not too full, you can grab it here: http://www.didactic-pirate.blogspot.com

Ed said...

I wondered where this post went after I read it in Reader a couple days ago, then it disappear when I went to comment on it.

Look at you, hawking dildos.

You go girl!

Nicole said...

Amen, sister. But I already have my pocket rocket and the larger, pocketbook rocket.

Shell said...

I'd like some of those cute baby doll lingerie outfits... only because I'm not supposed to put anything but a real penis in my vag while pregnant. Thems the breaks. lol

Leslie said...

I think with valentines day coming up, I want something sexy. Like the peekaboo garter minidress.

Leslie said...

I tweeted it! http://twitter.com/#!/mrsckugs/status/31755050703396864

Kim said...

Exuberant penis yanks sounds a little painful. Maybe I'm doing it wrong.

Margaret said...

If George recommends the pocket rocket, then that's what it will be!

nova said...

I've always heard good things about the rabbit vibrators. Maybe I'd give it a whirl!

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

I just came here for the Laser Cats, but I'll settle for that sensual self boob honk.

Rowr.

Jocelyn said...

I'd get the hubs a fleshlight since he works out of town a lot. Then when he's all "give me some" on the weekends at home and I'm too busy to get busy, I'll be empowering him to get his own happiness, right?

I wish they made one that had a real light in it tough, then he'd have a working flashing so he wouldn't step in dog shit while going out back to feed the beast. Hell, I may be "busy" burning all of his shit shoes so I think I really need to win this one.

Or buy the dog a cork for her ass.

Toughie said...

I'm a little disappointed that there are no laser cats, but this is pretty good too! I'd probably go with a mini-bullet. Not too exciting, but good for more than a one-player game. Thanks for the chance to win!
Trudy

Toughie said...

I'm following now too :D

Miss Rosie said...

AGGGHHHH!!! So much stuff!! Can't make a decision!!!

LiBBy said...

I want a Yooo. Yeah..a Yoooooooooo. A yahoo Yooo. I'm becoming a follower of Yo Mama an d if I win will forever lovingly refer to you as Yooo Mama. Cut me a break and make me win ok? Ive been married and divorced twice. Im 50 and alone and going for a pity win here.
smiLes
LiBBy

Al Penwasser said...

Studio 30 Plus was right. You ARE the funniest blogger!

Moooooog35 said...

They never ask me to do giveaways.

Maybe because I break all their stuff the first time I try it.

I should probably buy the things made for guys.

ChemMommy said...

I am not even close to lying when I say wherever I saw your Blog Title on the awards, I clicked it up. It was awesome. Congrats on winning, 'cause you totally deserved it. Now that I've totally fluffed your ego, can I please have some dildo money? Me and the rabbit have a date on Valentine's Day.

Sarah P said...

If I double enter, can I get a double dildo?

Mrs BC said...

It's a tough call, everything looks so good. Do they have a lucky dip? No, an actual lucky dip. cause I'm feeling lucky..

Mrs BC
xx

A Girl in London said...

Hi Yo Mama,

I am new to blogging having just started my own (firstyearinlondon.blogspot.com) but LOVE reading yours! And of course I voted for you to win all those awards and am very pleased that you did! I am a UK resident so am not sure if I am eligible for your give away? But just in case..........my item of choice would be the Heart Print Bustier and G-string. It is the perfect mix of innocent minx that my boyfriend just dies for. How naughty!

Suzy said...

Oh my... so many options! The Legamento looks sort of like a mouse so I can pretend I'm at work, perhaps? And that my boss looks exactly like George Clooney and not Stanford Blatch...

Julia said...

I've always wanted a "position pillow" but could never talk myself into paying for one! I would definitely get one of the Liberators if I win this!

Victoria said...

Man oh man, I've been stalking www.edenfantasys.com ever since I read your first post about them. I have got a freaking list of stuff I want from them. Top of the list is probably the Total ecstasy triple stimulator, 'cause I'm wild like that.

Or the SinFive Eve, because I can't help but love a sex toy that lists its resemblance to a car air freshener as a perk.