The first summer that Captain Carl and I were dating, he had to take an extended business trip that required him to fly all over the country. I think he was gone almost 2 months. Our relationship was very new and right before he left, I told him I loved him for the first time. Then I spent many days missing him in the way only new lovers can miss one another, moping around the house and worrying that one of his planes was going to crash and Ohmygod I finally find a decent guy and of course he has to go and pull a JFK Jr....
Then I got over myself and flew home to Minnesota to spend a few weeks with my parents. I had just recently told them that I met the Captain online, and my Mom was not ready to stop freaking out over the fact that her youngest daughter could very likely be dating a serial killer...this was back in the year 2000, when internet dating was still kind of a dirty little secret among desperate singles. Is it still? I don't know, I'm out of touch due to all my time being used to wash my husband's dirty underwear. Ahh, wedded bliss.
Anyway, so I'm back home and hanging with my folks when my Mom gets a call from Jerry at Flowers by Jerry (yes, he is) telling her he's got a delivery for Miss Yvonne and he'll be right ooooverrrr! Small towns are like that...the florist delivers your bouquets himself, the bank manager covers your overdrafts because your family have been customers forever and the post office calls you when a big package comes in for you. (that's what she said)
So here comes Gay Jerry with a giant bouquet of flowers from Captain Carl with a card that says something like "I love you and your smokin' hot boobies" and my Mom was all "I didn't know serial killers sent flowers" and I was all "They totally do, Mom".
A few days later, the Captain flew our way for the Minnesota portion of his trip. After he left, I kept finding little love notes that he had left in my things. I found a few in my suitcase, in my makeup bag and in my magazines and books. They all said things like "I miss you" and "You're the best" and "You totally owe me a blowjob". You know, sweet shit like that.
So I ended up marrying the guy and he totally cried at our wedding because he was so happy and also because he was relieved our year long engagement was finally over and so was the month long stop I had put on the sexual relations in order to make sure we would have totally hot honeymoon sex. And after 6 years of marriage, he still sends me flowers at work and still tells me he loves me every day and he even sometimes remembers to make the bed. But the love notes have pretty much stopped.
That's why I was so excited when I stumbled into the bathroom this morning and noticed there was a note on the vanity. A love note! From my adoring husband! Ohmyohmyohmy!
So I grabbed my glasses to read it...
I don't care what anyone says...that's love, right there.
Beckham can bend my shiny white ass
15 hours ago