Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Suck On This

I've been meaning to write a post about the penis straws that Kim sent me a couple weeks ago. See, it took me this long to do it because I've been busy hiding them all over the house for Captain Carl to find. For several days now, he's been opening drawers and cabinets and he's all "How many of these fuckers did she send you?" and then I get all giggly and clappy and then I forget about writing my post for a few more days.

But then I realized that Whiskey Girl has not posted yet about the penis straw I sent her and I'm all about winning and in this case, winning means I post about my straws first. Take that, bitch! I say bitch with love, because I really do love you WG. I love you like I love my penis straws...with all my heart and soul and also I might love you so much that I stick you in a frozen margarita this weekend and suck on you all night. Awww yeah. Wait, what?

ahem


So anyway...penis straws. Here are a few of my favorite hiding spots so far.


Kitchen drawer...yes, I know it's kind of dirty. You know what?
Your mom's drawers are way dirtier. Boo-ya.



Refrigerator.
I stuck one in the meat drawer today, but he hasn't found it yet.
heh heh I said meat drawer.



Sweet corn that my Dad sent me from Minnesota.
He'd be so proud if he knew.
Or disappointed.




Toothbrush holder.
I know...I'm a genius.




I may or may not have been drunk when these last two pictures were taken.





31 comments:

Jules said...

Nice! I say you pull those bad boys out for EVERY holiday this year. How festive would those make Christmas? I mean, it is HIS birthday and all...

adrienne said...

i love how the testicles are, like, lopsided with such anatomically correct naturalness.

awesome

Betsey Booms said...

Well, now I know to look for the girl with the penis straw when we meet lunch.

You know,since I don't really know what you look like...

Oh wait! There you are,under all those penis straws.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I wonder what your renters think of the penis straws. Do they use them too?

Jugs@@

Samsmama said...

FINALLY! I've been waiting for Whiskey Girl to post about hers but since she sucks (HA!) and is taking forever, this will do. And you do it well. ;)

Hiding them all over? Genius. The thought of your husband randomly stumbling across them was absolutely priceless!

miss. chief said...

lovely. i like how they're so vainy. veiny? how would you spell that? anyway...that's super sexy.

p.s. i love being drunk!

The Peach Tart said...

OK I've got to have me some penis straws. I'm gonna have to get in touch with that fabulous blogger Kim and find out where she got the suckers.

I love that you're hiding them all around the house.

You are my hero having a karaoke machine and a blender in the same room.

Kim said...

I got a little teary eyed seeing my boys again...

Lindsey said...

you should live closer to me, we could be besties.

Houston said...

THE WIFE was very disturbed that you would buy penis straws.

Once she found out you won them she was perfectly fine with them.

I do not understand why not buying them made a difference?

diane said...

So, is it a requirement to drink only thick white drinks with the penis straw?

otherworldlyone said...

Does he take a lunch to work? Oh Oh! Tie one to his car antenna!!

Awesomeness. If they did commercials for penis straws...you'd have it in the bag. No audition necessary....just that picture and caption.

kate said...

Have Emo and the Renters been having as much fun with hide-the-weiner as you have? My Bachelorette Party is next weekend and I am so looking forward to my own dong-a-palooza :)

erin said...

I don't know why but the sight of the penis straws in the drawer was the funniest thing I have EVER seen. Hilarious. I'm still laughing. I'm kind of random today, I guess.

Prosy said...

You should take the penis straws on field trips. Like to restaurants, or pack it in your puppets lunchbox.

Courtney said...

YOU BITCH!!!!! The one you gave me keeps getting put in different places all over the house.... great - now I have to do a new idea for a post... BITCH!!!!!

Seriously - Great post.
MUAH

Little Ms Blogger said...

Love the straws, but what's up with the karoke machine in the background?

Dani said...

The toothbrush holder is absolutely fantastic. And really, who wouldn't be happy if rum & coke came out of the real thing (impending yeast infection doom aside)?

Mandy's Kidding said...

The balls are so ... perky.

*Laugh*

Mr. Glob said...

HAHA! What a wonderful idea. I wonder if they make vulva straws? Or maybe crotch coozies?

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

The weird thing about those straws isn't the veinyness, or even the lopsided balls, but the fact that there's like 8 inches of shaft continuing on the other side of the balls. The dick is just the tip of the iceberg.

I have that same karaoke machine. Did you get the free sample disc with "Heart of Rock n Roll"?

Vic said...

I think "E.T." when I see those.

ET penis.

Joanna Jenkins said...

i think you should hide a few in your renters' rooms.
:-)
xo

Markitos said...

Ouch!! You made me blow coffee thru my nose!! Thanks alot. Random Wennie straws, I mean realy!!

v8grrl said...

heehee

Hippo Brigade said...

Captin Carl is so lucky to have such a loving and thoughtful wife as yourself. You should celebrate your amazing sense of humor with a frozen margarita and a penis straw. I love it in the toothbrush holder. Now I just have to find some to hide around the house for my husband.

Kurt said...

HAHAHA! That's funny they come life-size. Wait. I mean "so tiny". Replace "life-size" with "so tiny".

Mona Lott said...

Bwahahahahahahaha! That might be my favorite "boo-ya!" ever!

just making my way said...

You have a karaoke machine?!?

AND an empty bottle of Patron? Damn, woman.

diane said...

There's an award for you at my place. xo

Candice said...

Fucking hilarious!

Now I want my own penis straws!

*pout*