Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Emo Loves Older Women

I know y'all are dying to know what's going on with our renters since I haven't blogged about them for awhile. Yes, they are still here. Yes, Renty is still traumatizing my cat on a daily basis with his molestation attempts. He's also still "keeping it real" and I swear he's found my blog because lately when I ask him what he's up to, he always says "Oh you know, just keeping it real" and then he winks at me. Shit! He's on to me!

Our other renter, Marian, went overseas for three weeks to visit her online boyfriend (I may or may not talk about that more here...I'm totally paranoid now after the whole "keeping it real" thing) and she just got back this week. We didn't see much of Emo during those three weeks. Before Marian moved in, Emo would be over several times a week. After she moved in, he was there almost every day. Emo doesn't have the best relationship with his parents and I think Captain Carl stands in as a fatherly role model when Emo gets into one of his funks. I do my best to be helpful too, but anyone who knows me in real life can tell you that I get annoyed really easily with people. Emo is really good at pushing that particular button with me, so sometimes I just avoid him completely. God bless the Captain...he's a saint.

So I was a little worried about Emo when he didn't come around much for three weeks. I asked the Kiddo about him and he indicated that he was getting tired of Emo and his drama. He was all "Everything is always about him. He never wants to talk about me." so I just assumed that was the reason we hadn't seen much of Emo lately.

Then Marian came back from her trip and Emo has been at the house every day since. But I didn't know this at first. Yesterday morning I woke up for work and discovered that our front door was unlocked. Renty and Marian are usually really good about locking up, so I was a little surprised. Then I noticed a dirty ace bandage sitting on my desk, which is right by the front door. The hell???

So the day goes by and when I get home from work, I ask Marian about the bandage. It is not hers and she doesn't know where it came from. Renty comes home soon after and before I have a chance to question him, he says "What's up with that thing?" and points at the bandage. Then Marian is all "Ooooh, I bet it is Emo's" and I was all "When was he here?" and Renty was all under his breath "When ISN'T he here?" and Marian was all "Ummm, he came over pretty late last night" and I was all "So he probably left and no one locked up after him" and Marian was all "Hmmmm". The Captain and I were in bed by 11pm that night. Apparently Emo has decided to come over in the middle of the night and hang out with Marian now. Ummmm...there is only one thing I can think of that a teenage boy would be wanting when he shows up at someone's house at 2am. Eeewwww.

Last night I had to have a little talk with Emo when he wandered over at 9pm. I had to explain that he was welcome anytime at our house, as long as "anytime" was "during the time the Captain and I are awake". Emo then apologized 12 times and said "I'm sorry you are mad at me and hate me now" over and over until I finally couldn't stand it any longer and told him to shut up and eat some dinner already.

P.S. I have no idea what Emo was using that bandage for, but it probably had something to do with the see-through fishnet shirt he was wearing.


Mona Lott said...

Jesus Christ! Renty is traumatizing your cat, and Marian is traumatizing your Emo!

And I'm betting they're all traumatizing the shit outta you! (and me, but I don't want to be a whiner:p)

2am booty calls with the librarian. *shiver*

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Oh Thanks for blogging about them! I love to hear what everyone is up to! I wish Renty would leave your cat the hell alone though. :wink: :wink: :Hint: :Hint:

I would have had more questions for Miran like "Was he with you? What were you doing? Don't you have a boyfriend far away?" But I'm nosey like that!

Maybe you should put a sign on the door to lock it before leaving! I crack myself up I typed lick the first time instead of lock! Sorry!


Brandy Rose said...

Poor kid lol. Poor kitty. Poor Marian.

erin said...

There is something really strange going on around your house.
Did you ever ask The Kid if Emo's boinking Marian?

I just don't know how to feel about this.
I feel bad for Emo, cause I grew up with a lot of kids like him...but I also spent a lot of time trying to be friends with them, which never ever worked out.

Maybe his parents should hug him more? Or Marian should hug him less?

TrodoMcCracken said...

Obviously he's using the ace bandage to cover up his nipples if he is wearing fishnet shirts because the last thing any Emo kid wants to worry about is a wardrobe malfunction.

Also, I'm pretty sure that he showed up at 2am and Marian was all like "Dude I have the coolest thing in my room! It's a pussy and then he got all excited and ran to her room and she really did have a pussy. A pussy cat. Then end.

That may or may not have been a true story.

Anonymous said...

Your life is like a fabulous SOAP. I now want to know what the hell is going on because it sounds juicy! :)

otherworldlyone said...

I knew it.

Marian the librarian is scanning his book. And by book I mean penis.

That's awesome.

Is he even legal yet?

Kim said...

I hope you have really, REALLY thick walls.

Anonymous said...

Tee hee Renty that words makes me laugh...

I <3 your blog

PS Tell Emo to stop being so, well, emo-ish, better yet tell him Hot Topic called they want their clothes back

Tee hee Renty

diane said...

I think Emo is a smart little bugger. I bet that ace bandage was a sympathy technique, which evidently worked.

Hey Renty, if you're reading this:
Meow baby.

Lulu said...

It's clappy happy time when you post about the renters!

Hey, they should be paying extra rent when you blog about them - you make people want to hear about their lives.....probably a first.

Anonymous said...

Wow. I had no idea Emo had issues....

just making my way said...

That is a lot of shit to be keeping track of! I hope you don't have to have the "safe sex" talk with Emo!

miss. chief said...

ew! sex with a teenager!!!

Amy Kate said...

Dude, wasn't sex with a teenage boy awful enough when you were a teenager? or at least when you were 26? Who the hell does it as a REAL grown up?!
Also, can you please post on your sidebar a daily picture of Emo? OR, alternately, can't you put hidden cameras in your home? Put it in the fine print on your lease for these misfits you find, and let us in on the magic! PLEASE!

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

I want an emo. Wah.