Everything is fine on the home front today...thanks for the well wishes. Sorry I can't say more, but I've decided not to blog about it as I like keeping this place fun and stupid and awesome and not all...you know...frowny. But I could totally change my mind later...so enjoy the hilarity while it lasts.
Questions for the Ages...brought to you by Miss Yvonne
What is the purpose of pubic hair? I mean, there must have been some function it was necessary for back in the caveman days or something. But I can't figure out why we haven't evolved by now and stopped growing it? It's just in the way and ugly and gross. You agree with me, right? Unless you're one of those weirdos who has a pubic hair fetish and watches old 70's pornos all day long to get your fix. In which case, stop following my blog, Mr. Masturbates Too Much.
And while we're on the subject, am I the only ridiculously beautiful woman on the planet who doesn't wax all their pubes off? Because I feel like I am. I'm a trimmer and shaver. I know would love if I waxed it all off but I just can't bring myself to do it. It sounds ouchy and once I let the Captain shave it all off and I was so red and irritated for days afterwards that I never let him do it again. It might have had something to do with the fact that I went for a long walk immediately after the shaving, but I guess we'll never know because I am not gonna chance it. Because a good bush is a terrible thing to waste. Or something like that.
Am I also the only amazingly gorgeous person on the planet who doesn't have an iphone and doesn't have internet access on their cell? I'll be all "I wonder how many calories are in this Big Mac?" when I'm out to eat at a fancy restaurant with my friend and they are all "Let me look it up" and they get all typey on their cell and they are all "2300 calories!" and they shove their awesome interwebs phone in my face and I'm all "Oh yeah? Well my phone has a picture of an adorable puppy on it. Top that!" and they are all "My phone can translate English to Japanese" and I'm all "Psshh, who the hell needs that?" and they are all "Me. On my trip to Japan next week" and I'm all "I hear they eat adorable puppies over there so I would never go there with my phone" and they are all "Are you drunk?" and I'm all "A little. Why do you ask?" and they are all "It's 11:30am" and I'm all "Way to tell time, McFly!" and they are all "Huh?" and I'm all "Oh, YOU know!" and then I bat my eyelashes at them for awhile and then they are all "Yeah, ummm....I gotta run". Which leads me to my next question....
Does anyone have an idea as to why I don't have many friends and the ones I do have tell me I am "Socially awkward and kind of weird"? Because I have it on good authority by a person known as Your Mom that I am super awesome and very hip and with it. I mean, if you want to call taking 15 straws at Wendy's and blowing the wrappers off of them at your face one at a time while singing a Debbie Gibson medley "weird", well then you have major problems of your own and I just can't respect your opinion.
What?? I'm on my third glass of wine on a Wednesday night and I never said these questions were for the intelligent ages. I did not specify that, no sir I did not. I mean, my blog has pictures of Pee Wee Herman and a stainy dog anus on it. What did you expect?
On Becoming My Grandmother
5 weeks ago