Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Ode To Renty

Our long time renter, Renty (I’m a genius at making up names for people), has moved out. He lived with us for almost two years. Long enough for him to feel like a permanent fixture in our home. I was beginning to think he would never move out. He’d be like our kid who drops out of college and works part-time at GameStop and spends the rest of his time in his room playing World of Warcraft and smoking weed while we ask him on a daily basis when he’s going to “make something of himself”.

I had a love/hate relationship with Renty. He didn’t know that, though. I think. I hope. Because Renty is a nice guy and the hate part of our relationship came only from me on account of how I resented the necessity of having a renter live with us. Like my very astute 19 year old son said to me a few months ago, “It wouldn’t matter if he was perfect, you would still hate him just because he’s here.” Smart boy, that one. I really hope he doesn’t drop out of college.

I stopped blogging about Renty because I got paranoid that he had discovered my blog. I wasn’t always nice when I blogged about him, so I quit when I suspected he might have caught on. Which is really too bad because there are just so many stories. But we had a good thing going with Renty, so I kept him off the blog after awhile.

And then? Renty had a blind date on New Year’s Eve. And the next day, he asked me if I wanted to see a photo of his girlfriend on his phone and I was all “You have a girlfriend?” and he was all “Yeah, the girl I went out with last night.” and I was all *blink* and he was all “Yeah, she’s a psychic.” and I was all “Excuse me?” and he was all “She has a website and everything.” and I was all Oh please please please tell me the website in my head and he was all “Here, I’ll show you.” and I was so happy that I died.

No, I won’t link the website here. I wish I could because awesome. You'll just have to trust me.

Two months later, they are engaged and moving into a new place together. And tomorrow they are getting married. I swear I’m not making this up.

So now that he’s moved out and moved on to what I am sure is going to be a wildly successful marriage, I decided that today would be a tribute of sorts to Renty. If you’ve read these posts before, enjoy a trip with me down memory lane. And if this is your first time reading them, get ready for a good laugh.

The one where Renty makes out with my cat.

The one where Renty robs the cradle.

The one with Renty and the hairball.

The one where Renty keeps it real.

The one where Renty restores my Christmas spirit.

The one with Renty and his cheeseburger.

The one where Renty buys a drum set. Kind of.

The one where Renty wins at trivia.

Oh Renty, we will miss you and your superman boxers and your joker smile. Don't forget about us now that you're a big shot married guy. Tell your psychic wife to watch her back. She messes with you, she gets me and The Claw.

20 comments:

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Aw. I'm kind of sad. I have "Looks like we've made it" playing in my head alongside a photo montage of the pictures you never posted of him. It's quite touching.

Miss Yvonne said...

Steamy: Me too! Except the song in my head is "Whoomp, There It Is."

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Mash up?

"They said, I bet, they'll never make it but just look at what's goin on...still together, goin strong... chaka laka chaka laka chaka laka chaka"

Mamma said...

I can't wait to read these stories! I will have wine tonight when my children go down and hopefully a much needed laugh! You're the best! Hugs! Congrats on having the place back to yourself!!

Brandy Rose said...

Aw, you really are going to miss Renty aren't you.

Miss Yvonne said...

Steamy: Hells yeah! Tag team back again...looks like we made ittttt!

Mamma: Wine is an excellent idea, I think I will do the same. I'll poor some on the floor in remembrance of Renty.

Brandy Rose: I'll miss everything but his tiny loads of laundy and his tuna coffee.

Mandy's Kidding said...

Hot damn. Renty was a blog goldmine.

Mandy's Kidding said...

I just read all of them. Did you ever write about Female Renty with the Private Bathroom Fixation?

Eva Gallant said...

Oh, dear...You've lost such good blog fodder!

Vinny C said...

You know, if Renty's bride-to-be really was psychic, she'd probably tell him all about your blogging about him. Just sayin'.

Ed said...

I bet his girlfriend saw him coming.



perv

Cassie said...

I guess since she's psychic, she already knows if their marriage is going to work, so why wait? LOL

diane said...

Wow, I didn't realize there were so many stories with Renty in them.
Maybe you should get a cat to keep the other one company before she spirals down into a black hole of depression.
Congratulations to Renty, where ever you are.

Logical Libby said...

It seems like just yesterday renty was moving in. If you'll excuse me I am going to go sing "Sunrise, Sunset" in his honor.

Mel Spillman artwork said...

Gurl you must reveal the website for the psychic, you are simply teasing me!

For real, you could give it to us in a secret code all "Little Orphan Annie" from Christmas Story. Bring it sister.

Sarah P said...

OK, but seriously, can you, like, secretly email us the website?

justmakingourway said...

Aw, Renty, we hardly knew ye!

Oh wait, yes we did. Unbeknownst to you of course.

Jules said...

I'll miss Renty and his love for your cats.

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Dr. Cynicism said...

Goodbye Renty! We'll all miss you.