American Idol.....Paula and Kara Showdown

Are y'all watching American Idol? We are, mainly because Captain Carl insists on watching every episode. Seriously girlfriend, don't EVEN be trying to turn the channel or God forbid talk to him while his AI is on. American Idol is his soap opera. This man will tease me to no end for watching Young and the Restless (best. soap. ever.) when I'm home sick from work. He finds it endlessly humorous when my Mom calls to give me the update on what Nick and Sharon are up to in Genoa City. This is why I have to make fun of his love for all things American Idol. On my public blog. You'd think typing that last sentence would make me stop and reconsider publishing this post. Wrong.

This is Nick and Sharon, by the way.

I hate Sharon, she's a total bitch disguised as a nice person. Those are the worst kind of bitches.

Now, I have to say that I do enjoy the American Idol very much. My favorite part is when they finally get to the main stage and the real competition begins. I do enjoy the first couple episodes too, where they show all the whack jobs and train wrecks. But that gets old to me and I get bored. Captain Carl can't get enough of that shit. He always hates to see the end of the freak show...

So...since I'm going to see every single episode again this year, I thought I'd do a little AI discussion once a week. Or once a month. Or only this one time. Whatever I feel like, basically.

Let's just get this one out of the way.

Blech. So disappointed that this hoochie could carry a tune. I did enjoy seeing that awkward kiss she gave Ryan. Poor little gay guy, didn't know what to do with her.

Moving on.......to this sad sad sad audition.

Dude.....no. Seriously....noooooo. No to the headband, no to the pleather pants, no to singing Bon Jovi. Just no.

This one will get annoying very quickly.

P.S. Carrie Underwood called. She wants her audition outfit back.

I don't know what scared me most about this guy....

...the two "cheerleaders" who were so weirdly different from each other, the fact that the judges put up with their stupid bullshit, or the awful awful faces the dude made while he was singing.

A word to all you future American Idol contestants....as Captain Carl says, gimmicks don't work. No one who has brought props, extra people or stupid outfits (unless they are bikinis, apparently) makes it through.

And finally....a little tete a tete between Paula and Kara.

Kara: Ha ha ahaa, oh Paula! You're so cute....in the way that kittens about to be thrown in a bag and drowned in the river and have their jobs stolen by kittens without prescription drug addictions are cute.

Paula: Listen girly, you are just a younger, more sober version of me. You could never replace me. I'm a national treasure, dammit. Hey, rabbits in the dryer on the 19th floor zoomly over the rainbow....

Kara: Uh, right... Anyway, during auditions I've been giving Randy a good view of my bongos...if you know what I mean. And now that I know Simon likes bikinis, I'll be wearing one tomorrow. Good luck keeping your job after that.

Paula: You know what? It is what it is. I have more talent in my whole body than you have in your little pinky. Wait, reverse that. My pinky has more talent than my whole body. Bongos are fun.

Kara: Did I mention I'm a songwriter? Cause I am. I am totally a songwriter. A songwriter that has worked with Celine Dion. SONGWRITER.

Paula: Sleeb this is a probem, in dis are told Simon knows in the way and going to Randy for the pitchy part.

Kara: This will be easier than I thought....