Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Captain Carl's Corner

Happy Inauguration Day, bitches!! Yea! I'm so happy today, I could just scream "Yes We Can!". Except Eco Nazi is down here right now burning shrimp in a frying pan at 10pm in my kitchen, so maybe I'll yell "Don't you be eating that smelly shit up in my beautiful bedroom!" instead. And oh my goodness, I just caught him using our garlic salt in his food. That is soooo not covered in his rent.

Well...ahem. That wasn't the real post for today. The real post is down below...and it's written by my awesome guest blogger: my husband. I present to you, Captain Carl's Corner....


Holy Shi-ate people...

I better get a job soon or it'll be open season on crystal gripping, patchouly smelling, eco-loving students.

I admit I didn't get much job hunting done today because I was glued to the Inauguration most of the day. I could go on about that, but thought I'd share one of my interactions with Kool-Aid and Eco-Nazi instead.

10 seconds into Obama's swearing in speech and after the third time politely turning up the volume so I could hear over the droning noise that was Eco expounding on his view of the world he asked this little gem:

“Do you know who the last president to pay off the national debt was?” I did, but I was not in the mood to interrupt a potentially historic moment for a history lesson from this dip-shit. I resisted the urge to give him the “Spock Pinch” and roll him up in the rug long enough to ask him “Who?”; hoping to move this along...

I'm not sure what in the hell they are teaching these kids, but I almost burst out laughing when he told me it was Grant.....WTF?! Grant? I nodded, laughed to myself, grunted politely and blasted the volume up to 50. He eventually got the hint and wandered off. I can only assume to huff some more nail polish under the guise of key decorating.

Come on! It was JACKSON, not Grant, JACKSON. You're an idiot and it was in 1835 to boot. Grant wasn't president until 1869 after a pesky little thing called the Civil War. Read a book or know what the hell you're talking about before you speak. F-me!

What can I say, it's a real honor to take history notes from a kid that wasn't able to wipe his own ass the year that I graduated from high school. I probably have underwear with traces of DNA older than Eco-Nazi and I would be willing to bet my underwear is smarter. I feel like I'm trapped in a bad Rush Limbaugh episode.. Miss Yvonne and Cap'n Carl under siege: day 5.......

4 comments:

PLO said...

This is hilarious. Captain Carl needs his own blog, fore shore! Maybe Captain Carl has a future in writing.

Brandy Rose said...

Holy Crap! I'm curious to know why he'd think its Grant. Probably thinks its some elaborate conspiracy hidden by the government....lol

Tasha said...

First of all...LOVE the PeeWee stuff. I can just hear his voice now....my kids still wont watch the Large Marge part. lol

Second, you start off with "Happy Inauguration Day, Bitches!"

I think I love this blog.

Lulu said...

I'm in love. And his name...is Captain Carl.