Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I Just Figured She Really Likes Katy Perry

Have you ever looked back at a moment in your life after you've discovered new information and realized what you thought was going on really was something else? Whoa, I feel totally smart after reading that question back to myself. That's some well written shit, huh? I'm like some kind of sentence genius or something.

I had one of those moments not too long ago. Captain Carl and I have these friends that we used to hang out with all the time. Let's call them Lucy and Ricky. We become friends with this couple a few years ago when we figured out both of the husbands were computer nerds and both of the wives were photography nerds. We spent almost every weekend together. We'd cook, drink and play dominoes or trivial pursuit, taking turns hosting at our homes.

Lucy and I became very close friends separate from our husbands too. We took photography classes together, we went shopping and had lunch, we even had a business together for a short period of time. Lucy was very sweet to me....she never let me pay for lunch and she always volunteered to drive. But then things got a little weird with Lucy. She started getting upset with Captain Carl if he ever said anything to me that she thought wasn't nice. The Captain and I joke around a lot...we are mean to each other, but it's all in fun. Lucy knew this about us and she and Ricky are the same way. But she started telling me that he wasn't good enough for me, that he didn't treat me with respect and that I deserved better.

We started hanging out less and less with Ricky and Lucy and eventually our every weekend get-togethers turned into once every other month get-togethers. The Captain just blew it off when I told him the things Lucy said to me, saying not to worry about it because she has never liked him. That was news to me, so I asked him why.

The Captain: If I tell you, you have to promise not to say anything to Lucy.
Me: I promise!
The Captain: You also have to promise that you won't act weird around her.
Me: Why would I act weird?
The Captain: Because I know you and trust me, you'll want to act weird.
Me: Your mom acts weird.
The Captain: I don't think I should tell you.
Me: Don't make me cut you.
The Captain: I promised Ricky I wouldn't tell you.
Me: That's it, where's my shank?
The Captain: Okay, just promise.
Me: I already did!!
The Captain: Again!
Me: Bitch, I promise. Give it.
The Captain: Lucy has a crush on you.
Me: .......
The Captain: Okay, you can't make that face the next time you see her.
Me: What face?
The Captain: That pinchy face.
Me: I'm not pinchy. That's my thinking face.
The Captain: You are totally freaked out right now, aren't you?
The Captain: You suck at lying.
Me: She told Ricky that she has a crush on me?
The Captain: Yeah, she told him she'd like to....
Me: Wait! Don't tell me what she'd like to do!
The Captain: *grinning* Okay, I'll just think about it then. *eyebrow waggle*
Me: What are you, 15 years old?
The Captain: I'm forever young, baby.
Me: Didn't Debbie Gibson sing a song about that?
The Captain: Huh?
Me: Oh wait, that was Electric Youth.
The Captain: *blink*
Me: So what does Ricky think of Lucy's crush?
The Captain: He thinks what I think....
Me: And that is???
The Captain: Our wives are gonna have hot lesbian sex!!
Me: Hmm.
The Captain: What?
Me: This explains why she kept playing "I Kissed A Girl" over and over in the car last week.


The Peach Tart said...

I can just imagine the fantasies that are running through Ricky and The Captain's heads (both big and little ones). You know how men get all hot and bothered about two women having sex, especially two women having sex and including them.

So girlfriend what you gonna do?

Candice said...

Increase your fiber intake if you plan on munching on carpet.

I know this from experience.

Berber blows going through the digestive system.

skywind said...

The people are always willing to look back on the past events, the look forward to the future. : )

diane said...

Seriously, Capt. Carl needs to get out of college frat head and grow up. Ditch the b*tch.
When I lived in France, one of my friends came on to me when she was drunk. Cute Hubby hated her ever since. I stopped all communication with her.
Aren't I just a little Debbie Downer today?

plo said...

I have a confession to make. Me too. Hee...

Mona Lott said...

I think it's funny that the crush made her dislike Capt. Carl... Like he would be SO TOTALLY against the thought:p

Anonymous said...

Damn. That's my song next week for 'Out of Tune Tuesday'. I promise I'm not singing it to YOU and it's not ABOUT me though!

Kim said...

This is like when we found out our close friends were swingers. We took that bit of gossip in with shock for about 5 seconds, and then blurted together, "How come they've never asked US to swing?" Not that we would, but it's always nice to be asked....

Anonymous said...

So you gonna video tape it?

Anonymous said...

LOL, how funny! That Katy Perry has got a lot to answer for ;0)

diane said...

Hey, I just realized that you got a comment from Skywind! Man, he never comments on my page anymore, I think I scared him off.

Houston said...

OK, I KNOW how to solve this problem.

You want The Captain to drop it and never bring it up again.

Convince him Ricky told you he would like to play "Hide the Sausage" with Captain Carl.

Trust me, the good Captain won't be waggling his eyebrows over that one. It's just something about playing "Catcher" that seems to take all the fun out of those gay jokes.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Now I'm glad my BFF left her family and me. I don't know how I would have handled the opposite....

Your life is strange sometimes. How did you leave things with her? Did you leave her hanging? Did you break her heart?


Kurt said...

I think you should have had sex with her. That's the best way to ferret out a secret lesbian. That and playing Suzanne Vega.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

BTW- Maybe you shouldn't wear Cherry Chapstick!


JennyMac said...

The boys are certainly fired up at the potential. And I bet your pinchy face is your freaked out face and NOT your thinking face like you claim. LOL. I suck at Poker Face so I am not throwing stones, trust me.

Hit 40 said...

LOL!!! I used to get invited over to a gay male friend's house. They were hoping against hope that I might join their lesbian friends.

Dana's Brain said...

I think anytime someone has a crush on you it should be considered a compliment.

Plus now you can totally mess with her mind! This has all kinds of good potential! (Or does that sound mean?)

Cassie said...

LMAO. Did you make that face the next time you saw her?

Lulu said...

People! Did you NOT SEE Miss Y's sexy giveaway face a couple of blogs ago??? Of COURSE Lucy has a crush on her.

And she doesn't like Captain Carl because she's jealous.

Just like all of us.

otherworldlyone said...

Ha! You think you'll be able to NOT act weird around her after that?

You should bait her. Could make for good blogging fodder.