A couple weeks ago I won a little somethin' somethin' over at Zipbag of Vagina Toys, I mean Bones. After winning, I received an email from some guy named Drew and he was all "Congratulations blah blah blah winning the bnaughty blah blah blah Eden Fantasys blah blah blah I have a weird shoe fetish blah blah blah"*.
So I wrote back to him and I was all "Who are you? blah blah blah how do you know I won a sex toy? blah blah blah sick perverted blogger stalker blah blah blah do patent leather mary jane's do anything for you?"
Drew wrote back and explained that he works for Eden Fantasys and since that is pretty much a dream job....hello, he's surrounded by triple clit flickers and anal lubes all day long...I decided he must be an okay guy. Or a sex addict. I'm fine with either.
Then Drew asked if I'd like to do some reviews for Eden Fantasys and I was all "My panties are wet just thinking about it" and then he didn't write back so I figured I really offended him but then I got an email from my mom and she was all "I hope you meant to send that information to your husband and not me" and then I realized I might have made a mistake, so I went ahead and emailed Drew again and this time I was all "Yes please." And then I tried calling my mom about ten times and it went straight to voicemail every time.
So here I am, doing my first sexy time review. Get ready to tingle, people.
I received my bnaughty about four days after I won the giveaway, although it seemed like four weeks to me due to all the anticipation my private parts were feeling. Captain Carl called me at work and was all "Guess what came (hee hee) in the mail today?" and I was all "IS IT MY CLIT ROCKET????" and the Captain was all "Yeah, ummm...aren't you at work right now?" and that's when I realized I yelled the part about the clit and the rocket and my office was now completely silent except for the old gay guy in the corner who was all "Oh you GO girl!". It's amazing that I've managed to keep a job this long, honestly.
My first test drive with the bnaughty was a solo mission. Captain Carl was away for a couple of days, so out came (hee hee) the batteries and well...you know...some vibrating went on and things turned out very nicely for me. I involved the Captain the next go-round. I enjoyed not having to use my hands and he enjoyed having a remote control to play with. Seriously, what is it with men and remotes?
I would consider the bnaughty to be a gentle little vibrator....a very nice treat for your happy places. It also doubles as a hilarious microphone to sing "Let's Get It On" into when you are slightly tipsy after drinking three glasses of wine and trying to seduce your husband. I told Drew that they should totally put that in the description, but he was all "I'm not sure blah blah blah not really what we're trying to convey blah blah blah are your feet a size 8 or 9?"**
Oh, and they also carry my favorite vibrator on their website too. They call it a hitachi magic wand but I call it my "5 second orgasm-er". Every single time, ladies. Perfect when you want to get off and get on with it.
P.S. Drew told me he didn't need to read my review before I posted it. I bet he's totally regretting that decision right about now.
*I might have made this part up.
**I could have possible made this part up also.
Wise Dad, Dumb Dad
1 day ago