Thursday, July 16, 2009

What The World Needs Now Is Love. And Also Penis Straws.

Once upon a time, there was a woman named Kim. Kim had a blog, and she named that blog Yellow Trash Diaries. Kim was hilarious and she totally got over 100 followers because of how awesome she was and also because a nice lady at another blog that had something to do with your mom asked her legions (legions!) of followers to share the love over at Kim's blog. Kim also had some things in her possession that were magical and wonderful. Special, lovely somethings. And yet, Kim chose never to use these somethings. Instead, Kim kept the somethings hidden away in a closet, where they were forgotten about. Until one fateful day when Kim rediscovered the somethings and decided to bestow them upon the fair maiden, Miss Yvonne. And Miss Yvonne said that the somethings were good and the villagers rejoiced. The end.

Dudes! Kim has some penis straws and she's giving them to me. Just because I asked. And maybe also because I told her I would use them when the Kiddo's friends came over so I could do inappropriate things and embarrass 17 year old boys. Apparently Kim likes sick and deranged people. Yea for me!

I'm gonna suck the shit out of those bastards.

I promised Courtney over at Whiskey Girl that I would send her one so that we can have a contest to see who can suck the most. My vote is for Kurt's mom, but I think I'll be a strong second.

Get ready for a good ole fashioned suck-off, y'all!!

20 comments:

The Peach Tart said...

Oh you lucky girl, I'm jealous. Well I guess I'll just have to find something else to suck.

Miss Yvonne said...

Dear Peach Tart,

I love you.

That is all.

Courtney said...

Suck it till their toes curl!!!! That's all I'm sayin.....

Thanks again... I'm so fucking excited.

otherworldlyone said...

Any penis shaped novelty item is bound to be fun (I've got an ice tray), but I think those straws just might blow any competition away.

Janine said...

I once made penis pops - a chocolate penis on a stick.

I was bored I guess.

CatLadyLarew said...

Sakes alive! Are you ever going to have fun with those penis straws... you can use them as you recoup your energy after playing with the new sex toy that you also won! Are you one lucky wench, or WHAT? Kiddo and his friends are going to be so grossed out and embarrassed, they're going to have to wear sacks on their heads just to walk out the door. Way to go, Miss Yvonne!

BTW... are you going to pay for Kiddo's therapy in years to come?

Little Ms Blogger said...

Never mind using them in front of your kid's friends, I think you and hubby should use them when watching t.v. with the cats...This way when Renty sees you both sucking it, he'll keep away from your kitties FOREVER.

TrodoMcCracken said...

Considering you and i had a conversation about Peni's today, I would fully expect one of these but then I realized I can just go down to the store and buy myself a penis shaped water bottle that can squirt liquids at me. So thar. I think I just topped you.

Sunshinemeg said...

Did that girl say she has a penis ice cube tray? Oh that would be lovely for when my future mother in law comes to visit. I'll give her her iced tea with a tiny penis in it.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Don't suck them too hard. You can get a nosebleed ... or so I've heard.

I'll go now.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Will you send me one if I ask for one? ;)
Just kidding! The birth control gum is enough of a gift. I can't wait to try it and see if it really works! You have to have a camera ready when Kiddo and Emo see you using those straws. I must see the expressions on their faces!

Hugs!!

Cassie said...

We had those at Mardi Gras one year. We had a lot of fun with them LOL!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh my! Oh my! Oh my!

Candice said...

I can suck a watermelon through my penis straw.

Betcha can't do THAT!

diane said...

I'd be happy if I never had one of those things in my mouth ever again.

A straw, that is.

Mona Lott said...

Bwahahahaha! I can't WAIT for the next time Emo comes over!!!!!

Dana's Brain said...

That really was the best use for those penis straws. I'm so happy for you and can't wait to hear about the heebie-jeebies you give to all those teenagers!

Hippo Brigade said...

they're so veiny. and they have testicals too. wow. I'm sure they make whatever you're drinking that much tastier.

Blonde Goddess said...

I have always enjoyed using a penis straw but oddly enough, I like to blow it and make bubbles in my chocolate milk...
Go figure....

Penney said...

ha ha, hilarious! I want a penis straw!! =)