Captain Carl: (reading cnn.com) Meredith Baxter is gay?
Captain Carl: She just came out.
Me: Huh. I wonder why she's coming out now.
Captain Carl: Everyone wants to be on the gay wagon.
Me: I guess so.
Captain Carl: Hell, I'm gay. For lesbians.
Me: I don't think that's how it works.
Captain Carl: I'm extra gay if it involves lesbian twins.
On Becoming My Grandmother
2 months ago